My 5 year old started hitting his teacher/kids. He never had issue in preschool says he hates school. Advice?

Question

He has never been agressive. The teacher said that he acts this way when he does not get to do what he wants. It started a couple of months into the school year. He says he does it because his brain tells him too. Other times he tells me he hates school and wants to stay home. The principal says he is great with no problems some days and with no apparent trigger he snaps. Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde she said. Even said he may have some chemical imbalance to see pediatrician. He has not acted out at home until the last two weeks. All his previous teachers, my friends, and other family can hardly believe it because this is so out of nature for him. I have no idea where to begin. The school has scheduled a behavioral intervention in 10 days to decide what to do.

Answer 1

1. Medical/Psych evaluation. I'd think of it like a high fever. Consider it an emergency when you make the appointment. You child may be ill.

2. He may be getting treated like this at school and copying the behavior. He may think if others get away with it, so may he, but if he's always been a good kid, he doesn't have the experience to be a successful bully... yet. This is something you don't want him to get better at.

3. Physical or emotional or sexual abuse at home, school or after school care. Any new men in his life? (no offense) You don't say if you're married or dating. A new coach at school? A older boy at the daycare or afterschool care that seems to be a little too comfortable around younger kids?

Bottom Line: Protect you kid. This is beyond punishment. This is about healing.

Answer 2

I am a special needs preschool teacher in America, so I can only answer from what goes on here but perhaps it is similar where you live. I have children who have all types of special needs, including ones like your daughter who are fine itellectually but do have speech/language issues and/or social issues. I would like to know what type of preschool program she is enrolled in? In the US, a parent of a child from age 3 and up can contact the local school district and ask for an evaluation. This is done by a team of professionals such as a speech pathologist, special needs teacher, psychologist, etc.. They can give a recommentdation to you that would be more thorough than what anyone on this website could do. I do think it is strange the preschool is already recommending keeping her back in November when she still has 9 months to develop before deciding where she will go. This amount of time for a young child is huge and alot can happen within those months that may make your decision easier. (either way) Another thing to think about is that she will have to move on to elementary school at some point--perhaps even with the issues she currently has. There is no guarentee that another year of preschool will be all she needs. The elementary school will have in place services for her no matter when you decide she is ready to go. Perhaps the school system has services for preschool children with needs like your daughters and it will be taught by certified teachers like here in the US, so I would recommend giving the school district a call and ask these things.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, there are too many times when a child is misdiagnosed as having a psychological disorder like ADHD, depression or being bipolar. Particularly when the behavior is not thoroughly examined and just gets a routine blanket assessment. What is commonly overlooked are signs of Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD).

Disobediance of adults, teachers and parents can start as young as age 2-3 and ODD affects 5-15% of children. Unfortunately, some schools don't have qualified counseling staff to be able to properly assess this. But temper tantrums, noncompliance, placing blame, easy annoyance and resentment towards something like school could be signs of it.

The same kinds of cognitive behavior therapy for other behavior disorders often comes into play, but positive parenting skills also play a key role with ODD. I would recommend a second opinion from a qualified outside professional if you're not satisfied with the school's assessment. I know a lot about this because my wife is a high school counselor with a masters in Educational Science. She's dealt with this type of behavior dozens of times with kids your son's age.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

Oh boy, do I know this topic well. I've been going through it for about 9 years now.

I suggest picking up the book "The BiPolar Child" next time you're at the library. It describes children that fly off the handle at the word "NO", and it's like flipping a switch.

I would suggest keeping a journal of what's happening and why it's happening. That will help you see a pattern and help you better know how to deal with the situation. If there is something happening, there's a reason why. The trick is figure out what that trigger is and how to work around it.

Also, they need to let the boy know there are consequenses for his actions. Since he wants to go home, sending him home is not an option. He's probably figured out by that that behaving bad=mom's attention or going home. You need to set some conseqenses at home too.

I would suggest perhaps talking to your school's councelor or a therapist, as they can help you build a better idea of what might really help.

Answer 5

5 Year Old Hitting At School

Answer 6

Take him to a doctor to have him checked out he might have attention defficit syndrome or something else effecting him. If his behavior changes so radically for no apparent reason, there is a reason and you must find out what it is and get him the help he needs.

If there is nothing medically wrong with him you will have to work to convince him that he needs to listen to the teacher and to follow rules and obey authority even when his brain tells him to do something else. This too is a problem that needs immediate attention because to let him go in in this manner will become habit and then a part of how he is and it will also cause him no end of problems and trouble later in his school life and life itself. Good Luck and God Bless you both.

Answer 7

Research has shown consistently and reliably that kids separated from mommy for more than ten hours a week in the first three years of life will be aggressive in school.

As one can see from your question and from some answerers who say they are going through the same thing - having kids leave mom young, before age 5 or 6, is very damaging to the child.

It hurts children, it messes them up, to spend their early lives away from mommy.

You ought to try to repair and undo the damage you've done, just like the answerer who describes the nightmare of her sons early and multiple caregivers (a true recipe for disaster and for causing sociopathy!), by staying home with your son, letting him chill, unwind, letting him actually be a child and let him actually get his needs for a loving and consistent presence met.

It might be too late - but it's never too late to try.

But you other families with very young kids - you ignore this at your peril. Separation from mommy is extremely damaging to young mammals. You don't even need a study if you just think.
And yet, the studies back it up and have backed it up for 50 years now.

You harm your kids when you give birth to them and start sending them away very young - and you harm all society by producing kids who are aggressive, unattached to their families and community, and emotionally hurting.

Answer 8

just to fill in something that hasnt been discussed.

Is there somethingthat happened in the recent weeks?
Could it be somethings happened to him?
Getting picked on, any traumatic event, possilby a teacher.

It sounds like he might be a willful child, and needs obedience correction. But then, a child only acts out when something causes that.

So, take a look around.
Perhaps sit in, or even sneak in the class to observe what triggers the behavior.
Is it the teachers methods, or kids picking on him?

watch from outside the classroom if need be.

But only you know your child.
Perhaps youll be able to diagnos the trigger if you observe him personally

Answer 9

I am going through this same thing as we speak. One day my son will be an angel, the next day he is terrible. He will be 5 in February and is kicking his teachers and friends. I know it stems from several things, the problem now is helping HIM.
1. From age 6 mos to 3.5 he was in an in-home day care. It was cheap and I needed to finish school. It was a very close group of kids, like sisters and brothers, but she allowed the boys to wrestle and fight eachother. I didnt see the harm in it until now. He is now at a public daycare and thinks its OK to act this way. So that was my fault.
2. Now that he is older, he doesnt like/want to nap at school. This is VERY CRITICAL for my son. He gets 10 hrs of sleep at night, but still needs his naps at school. He has great mornings, but if he doesnt fall asleep at school, he is terrible and aggressive in the afternoon.
3. I admit, when he used to whine at me, I would give in. Now I know better. This was fueling the fire of kicking at school. He is realizing he cant get his way, so he is using physical force to show people he is mad. The problem now is addressing the physical force.
The teachers at school are going to give him a few more days to watch his behavior. If nothing changes, we too are going to meet and create a behavior plan. I suggest having a list of questions ready:
- Does he have rest time?
- Does he always fight with the same few children?
- What steps (warnings, time outs) are the teachers taking to correct / help him?
- What steps are they taking to PREVENT his behavior (my son is always infront of the line next to the teacher because she knows he will misbehave in the back with other studetns)
- Does he act out at the same time of day each day?
- Do they praise him when he does act good?

These things have helped my son, he has greatly improved, but still hits sometimes. He went 2 months being great, but these last 2 weeks have been difficult. Therefore, we are going to meet.

If the teachers are saying there is no trigger, I think they need to look closer. If he is not acting this way at home, how can it be a bipolar issue? If its only at school, then the problem is at school. (unless you are letting him get away with things at home, and they dont toloerate it at school. That would set him off!)

Get him involved with sports or somthing that will allow him to "get things out of his system"

This has greatly help my son, but like I said, he is starting to sprial down. They just hired a new afternoon teacher, so the change is affecting him.

Hope some of this helps. Best of luck to you!

Answer 10

Don't jump to bi-polar right away. Look at discipline first. Do you have limits that you set and keep or limits that he pushes and eventually gets what he wants? Alot of kids aren't told no and have it enforced so when someone does say no and mean it they just keep acting out until the adult gives in. Kids are very persistent and it is tiring to keep saying no. But if there are some things that they don't get, they may appreciate what they do get and not have to act out so aggressively.