how do i answer my sons question about his grandmother?

Question

i have a four year old son that spends weekends with his dad. well as of late his dad has been bringing his mom (my sons grandmother)with him to pick up our son, which is totally cool with me. on the other hand my sons dad and his mother had a tough life in which she pulled up to his dads house and said that she didnt want him anymore and pushed him out of the car. my sons dad i suppose is working on a relationship with hhis mom now which i am all for, but his dad still doesnt want her to take our son by herself. my son doesnt understand how daddy agrees to her taking him for the night in front of his gran gran but wont let him go later. how do you explain that to a child that he cant spend the night with his granny because granny was mean to daddy when he was little and daddy is still upset over it???

now despite the way his dad feels like i said he still brings her with him to pick up our son so she is stil spending some time with her grandson, my son.

Answer 1

Exactly how you said it at the end of your question. That is very simplified " Because granny was mean to daddy when he was little and daddy is still upset about it" you know I mean you might want to add a few other things like Daddy never really talked to granny about it. Things like that if you overcomplicate it, it's just going to confuse and upset them. If your kid asks why daddy never talked to granny about it say you don't know and if they really want to know maybe they should ask daddy about it. It will either do one of two things he'll give your kid the run around or it will actually make him think about it enough to maybe actually do something about it now and help resolve the issue, you'd be suprised what the look of an innocent child with a hard question on their lips can do to an adult.

Answer 2

You shouldn't have to answer that question because his father should have the guts to tell his son that he doesn't want him going with granny all alone. I would speak to the father. He needs to stop leading the poor boy on, letting him think he can go and then not following through with it. If the child still asks questions, then tell him that granny hurt daddy's feelings when he was little and that daddy's still upset over it. Don't lie to your kid, but you don't have to tell him everything, either. Kids are amazing and they are capable of understanding more than we think they realize.

Answer 3

This is all very interesting. How you YOU feel about your son being in the care of a woman who could treat a child this way? Do you know why she did it? Was she mentally ill, and is now cured?

Your son's father should NOT tell his mother she can take him by herself, then say no later. It's confusing to everyone. I don't see anything wrong with him not wanting his mother to be alone with the child, if he still wonders about her stability. He should be honest and straight about it. And there shouldn't be any arguing about it or anything else in front of the child.

Answer 4

You don't need to go into detail about the whole situation with your son. Just tell him that he can't go because his daddy wants to spend all of his time with him. Also you can tell him that maybe after he gets to know granny more, maybe things will change.

Answer 5

Since he's only four, and his comprehension is limited, what you just said to us would be fine. Tell him that you and his daddy love him very much and want to be there every night to tuck him safely into his bed. It might also help to tell dad to stop making empty promises. I agree that your son needs to know his gram gram, if your ex is trying to mend a broken bridge, but explain to the ex that your son is asking questions and you aren't sure how to answer them without squashing anyone's feelings or causing trouble, so it'd be best if he just stopped promising your son the overnight's until you can both trust grandma or your son reaches a higher age.