What is both the most tactful and most effective way of turning down an invitation you do not wish to accept?

Question

It seems sometimes people are insistent to the point that you have to devise a clever yet credible lie to accomplish the purpose. I don't really like lying in this situation but somehow feel that if I don't I will be sacrificing either tact or effectiveness in my response.

I ALWAYS choose my own Best Answer and generally consider it thoughtless of others not to do the same. But there are times when it is simply not possible. For instance in this case where every answer is a gem and one cannot be separated from the rest as THE BEST. So accept my apology here as I let this question go to a vote. And know please how much I appreciate every answer I have received here and how helpful you have all been to me. God bless.

Answer 1

Just say, "No thank you." There is no need to give any explanation, in fact it just gives the other party ammo to attempt to dissuade you. If they persist with the invitation just repeat the above quote.

Answer 2

I know exactly how you feel about a situation like that. I don't like white lies either, but only if the person inviting you is a good friend and you have a particular reason not to accept you can just be honest.. as in "so sorry, but I don't want to be there, you know I can't stand being in the same room with mrs X / how i hate crowds / to dress up etc."
But for other occasions I use "Thank you very much for inviting me, but I have other obligations at that day / hour". That does the trick, for me. People feel good about the first part (thanking them), and the second part is vague enough (and the word obligations sounds like it's important but not something you really like better than accepting their invitation, haha). They seldom dare to ask what the heck my important other obligations are. In that case I tell them I am not at liberty to tell them, or say "work" or "family business" which keeps them quiet.
Be as short as you can in your answers, the lengthier you apologize, the less honest you sound, and the more they will try to talk you into accepting their invitation. Take care your tone of voice is not too "humble"... be as matter-of-fact as you can: you just are not coming over to their party!
Good luck! And greetings from Holland!

Answer 3

It is never right or desirable to lie to someone who offers you an invitation.

Your reputation and character is built upon how you are able to deal with socially difficult incidents such as this one you describe.

First, be very attentive and considerate of who is asking the question. Their age, gender, emotional state, relationship to you, etc. are all factors that you must weigh to determine just how blunt and direct you can be.

Second, think about two things when you forge your response: Sensitivity and Class. Be extra sensitive to the other person's feeling. HOW you reject their invitation matters and they will talk about it with others if you are insensitve and brazen. By showing some class in your response, you demonstrate that you are above the average person in how you relate to others. Saying "no" with style and class, while being sensitive and respectful, really makes a difference. Doing all these things under pressure requires poise.

When responding to an undesirable invitation, say words to the following" "Thank you very much for your kind invitation. I am very flattered. Unfortunately, I have another engagement that conflicts with your timing that I am unable to break. I really appreciate you thinking of me though."

Say this with sincerity and directly look the other person in the eye when you say it.

Answer 4

It depends on what kind of invite they're giving. If it's to a wedding, well, that's a once in a lifetime (ha ha ha) event... so really, unless you have a good legit reason, go even if you know you'll be bored silly.

If it's a birthday - it depends on how close you are to the person and how well you know them. If it's family... go. If it's a friend... tell them you don't think you'll make it, you're sorry, but maybe next time. You aren't obligated to give a reason to anyone, so don't lie. Just be understanding if you don't get invited anywhere ever again. LOL

Remember that sometimes we have to do things in order to survive society that we'd rather not do. This might be one of those things. ;)

Good luck!

Answer 5

Offer an apology for not being able to attend, AND mention that the event sounds like it would be an enjoyable time, but you have another commitment.
Finish with a "Perhaps the next time."

Answer 6

It would obviously be rude to tell the person you do not wish to attend. I usually say that I have other plans and make those other plans prior to telling the person that I cant make it. It's not then a lie.

Answer 7

Most of the time I use my husband as an exuse and vice versa. However, if it's one of those home partys, candles or tupperware, whatever, I just tell them flat out, I just don't do those. It keeps me from being invited again.

Answer 8

You could say you have a previous appointment...(with your tv)

or..I am sorry I will be busy that night......(reading a book)

Please ask someone else I have something I have to get done..(.go to sleep early.)

I am going out of town..(then go for a ride)

I have some business to take care of.....(call your bank for the checkbook balance)

Don't lie....but don't hurt thier feelings either

Answer 9

"No thank you. I can not attend"
No other explanations are needed & anyone who is polite will accept a simple "No, Thank you."

We often feel a need to lie, but there is no need to lie. It does not matter why you do not want to go, & you have no need to explain why you will not be attending.

Answer 10

It depends what they are inviting me to. If it's to a tupperware party , I would say..."Oh my, I'd love to but I have no more room in my cupboards for anything more and anyways I am spending time with my parents that night but thanks for thinking of me and the best of luck"....If it's to a social event.."Oh my, that sounds like so much fun but I already have personal plans for that night, I hope all goes well and thanks for asking me. "