I have a very unique situation. I recenty sepearted from a man that I was with for 3 1/2 years. He has I son that I have helped raise so he gave me visitation. Since they moved out my son has had little to no disciple and gets everything he wants whenever he wants it. For the last couple of months when he comes over to my house and screams at me and does not listen at all. If I punish him he gets really upset and says things like " Daddys right I dont want to come over here any more. " I am trying my hardest not to get mad around him but I know that his father is making me out to be tha bad guy. His father has even admitted to me that he tells him that I wont let him move back home among other things. What do I do. It hurts me more than anythin g to think that he doesn't want to be at my house.
2006-11-17 13:54:07 · 12 answers · asked by nubtub2 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I have tried to talk to his father about saying things to him about me. He always tells me that it is not my place to tell him how to be a father and tells me that he will take all visitation away if I make him mad. I have been the primary provider of this child since he was 6 months old.
2006-11-17 14:11:00 · update #1
Talk to the father but chances are, unless he realises the damage he is causing, that approach won't work!)
Talk to the kid: he's acting up because he wants care and structure and attention.
Relax some of the unecessary rules but stick to the important ones and be consistent. show him your affection but be firm. at 4 years old, he should learn to respect you and accept your rules. and remember, we say the "terrible 2's, trying 3's and f#@$%^g 4's" (pardon the language!) so this could also be a phase, aggravated by the split.
Good luck
2006-11-17 19:01:13 · answer #1 · answered by toubab 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to have a heart-to-heart with your ex, and ask him if you think your son will really be better off without you in his life. If he thinks so, you'll just have to move on with your life -- I know it's tough, but if you let your ex make the little boy another prize in your battle, it will be much more painful for everyone in the long run. All you can do is let the boy know you love him, and he's welcome whenever.
If you can work this out, you may still have problems. You'll need to give your boy lots of love when he comes over, but also make him understand that there are reasons for the rules -- that you enforce the rules because you love him. Your ex may still let fly nasty comments, but you can tell your son that those comments are between him and his daddy.
This is a really hard situation, and the ideal solution would be if your ex could let you have the boy part-time with no strings. But he's hurting too -- and pain makes people do crazy things. His craziness is not really your problem anymore.
I hope the best thing happens for the boy, though. *hugs*
2006-11-17 14:08:15 · answer #2 · answered by Madame M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
4 yr old is a very sensitive yr for a child.
U need to give the child nothing but positive advice to help him get ready for kindegarden.
Give the child activities to keep the child busy so he wont have time to scream at u.
The child just wants love and attention.
Have puzzles, paper, magazines , kiddie scissors, cartoons and activities that the child will enjoy.
If the child gets bored which they do easily at this age they will scream.
The child is not a minature grownup. Let the child be a child.
Dont get mad around the child, just keep the child from getting bored so his experience with u is great and he can say great things about u.
2006-11-17 14:06:17 · answer #3 · answered by sunflare63 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've been put in an unfair situation. You have to talk to Dad and tell him that feeding lies to your kid will hurt everyone.
When your 4 year old comes over, try to give him lots of love, and keep him away from tantrum situations (go to the park where there is no china to break, or toys to covet). If you can make him realize you are not the bad guy, he could see things in a different light.
He is only 4, though. Talking with a child psychologist could help you understand what he is capable of understanding in this seperation.
2006-11-17 14:05:09 · answer #4 · answered by jerzy03 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is terribly unfortunate, but you really have no rights in this situation. This is one reason that it is not a good idea to live together without the benefit of marriage.
You can try to get a lawyer and get formal visitation, but I think the bottom line is that because you are not the mother, nor really the step mother - you are out in the cold and pretty much at the whim of the father.
2006-11-17 14:39:32 · answer #5 · answered by chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, your ex clearly is not handling the break up well. often parents will try to buy the love of a child after a break up by buying them things and giving them whatever they want.
It's unfortunate that he puts the child in the middle of your issues- it's never ok to talk bad about another adult to a child, especially their mother (or in your case a step-type parent).
If you aren't in a position to discuss with his father proper parenting techniques and the relationship is not going to be mended it would be best to limit the visitation. I know that is hard but the child is going to be very confused once daddy gets a new girlfriend.
2006-11-17 13:58:44 · answer #6 · answered by iampatsajak 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a talk with your ex while the child is not around and discuss what you've observed. Neither of you should use the child to "get back at" the other, it's just not fair. This guy shouldn't vent his feelings to a 4 year old, he either needs a friend's shoulder to cry on or a therapist.
2006-11-17 14:01:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to start out by talking to his dad, It sounds to me like his father is saying things about you to not want your son at your house. This could make your son grow apart from you and needs to be stopped. I feel for you, you need to also have a talk with your son and tell him when he acts like this it hurts your feelings and should not treat you in such away. Ask him if daddy tells him to treat you like this. He may just be confused because you two have split up.Hope everything goes well
2006-11-17 14:01:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well i have a little cousin that is a very snot nosed little brat that get's everything she wants and she doesn't have a dad anymore since he was shot and killed while patroling the subway in Virginia... Well she wines and crys till she gets everything.. her mom bought her a 5,000 dollar collectors barbie glass doll that she broke because the dolls face was to hard... lol... well i'm getting off subject... If i were you i would sit down with him and tell him that you love him and that nobody get's everything they want... if he wines and cry's just put him in a room turn the light off and tell him he's not coming out until he stops wineing...
2006-11-17 14:03:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i think you should talk to the father one more time and just let him know how you are feeling. ask him how he would feel if the situations were reversed and it was your child that he was getting visitation to see and you said those things to the kid. maybe it will work and maybe it wont. take care and good luck.
2006-11-17 14:35:56 · answer #10 · answered by sherryw_1978 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋