2006-11-17 13:46:48 · 7 answers · asked by sleepyme 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
Where did Noah keep the bees?
In the ark hives!
Azure Kite: Your jokes cracked me up, except for the kids trying not to step on the ducks. It's killing me. WTF? I don't get it.
2006-11-17 16:23:47 · answer #1 · answered by Rebecca 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Three kids go to the circus then they're brought before a judge. The judge asks the first boy, "What's your name?" "Billy!" "What did you do?" "I threw peanuts in the elephant pen." "Oh, that's ok, I'll let that slip." He asked the second boy, "What's your name?" "Johnny!" "What did you do?" "I threw peanuts in the elephant pen." "Well, that's not so bad, I'll let that slide." He asked the third boy, "What's your name?" "Peanuts!"
There were two offices side by side, one specializing in psychology and one dealing with proctology. They went through three name changes: the first was Odds and Ends. Then they tried Rears and Gears. Then they settled on Nuts and Butts.
A man was trapped on his roof during a flood. Some people on a boat came along and said to him, "Come on, we'll save you!" The man replied, "No, that's ok, God will save me." After a while, another boat came along. The passengers said, "Hurry, get on, you'll be saved!" The man replied, "No thanks, God will save me." Then a helicopter flew by and lowers a ladder to the man. "Climb up, we'll save you!" they said. The man replied, "No, no, God will save me." The man died. When he went to heaven, he asked God, "Say God, why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Hey buddy, I sent two boats and a helicopter, where were you?"
Three kids die and go to heaven. When they get there, the guardian of the gate warns them, "Ok, you can walk freely around here...just don't step on any ducks." So, the kids walk around, carefully avoiding ducks.
A blonde dies and goes to heaven. When she gets there, a big flight of stairs lies before her. God says, "On each of these stairs you will be told a joke. If you make it up all hundred of these stairs, you will be allowed into heaven." So, the blonde easily makes it to the top and is allowed into heaven. Suddenly she starts cracking up. God says, "Why are you laughing?" She says, "I just got the first one!"
So, did you hear the joke about the airplane? Nevermind, it's way over your head.
A cat fell in love with a ball of yarn. They had mittens.
What did the guy melon say to the girl melon? "We cant-elope."
A guy walks into a bar and declares "All lawyers are idiots!" Another guy comes up to him and tells him, "Hey, that comment offended me!" The guy asked, "Why, are you a lawyer?" The man replied, "No, I'm an idiot!"
2006-11-17 22:34:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
a mother took her daughter to get her first haircut, she was eating an icecream cone when the barber was getting ready to put the apron around her, the barber looked at the icecream cone and looked at the girl and said "you're gonna get hair on it", the little girl said "i know, i'm gonna get boobies too"
2006-11-17 22:11:19 · answer #3 · answered by hell oh 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A man walked into a bar carrying a piece of asphalt. He said to the bartender, "Bartender, give me two drinks; one for me and one for the road."
2006-11-17 21:49:27 · answer #4 · answered by Bestie 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
a blond one day decided she was going to hang herself since people kept on calling her a dumb blond. she was then hanging herself by her wrist when a man walked by and asked, " isn't that supposed to go around your neck?" she then said," i know, but when i tried that i couldn't breath."
2006-11-17 22:11:11 · answer #5 · answered by dcsprouse001 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
So these two Irishmen walk out of a bar...
2006-11-17 21:56:40 · answer #6 · answered by ♥michele♥ 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Why was lipstick all over the Blondes, steeringwheel? .................She was trying to blow the horn
2006-11-17 22:01:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋