My 7 year old is driving me mad - please help????

Question

She is very smart, but has no desire to excel. All she wants to do is play and watch tv.

I have encouraged her, bragged on her, threatened her, bribed her, reverse psychologied her, and made deals with her, but nothing seems to work.

She just wants to goof off. She makes good grades, but she could do much better. For example, every week her teacher gives a list of spelling words to learn, along with 2 more difficult bonus words that are more challenging. She never wants to try to learn those for the extra credit! She just says, "we don't have to know those...." I remember always wanting my mom and teacher to be proud of me and trying to do everything I could for good grades. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

OK, the problem is that you care more than she does.

At the age of 7, not too many kids are really that worried about excelling. She is a very normal child.

If you want to help her learn those words, I would suggest finding a way to make a game out of it. But do not bribe her! When you do that, she gets the idea that she is doing it (or NOT doing it) for YOU, not for herself.

Just relax. If you push this too far, she will either become a very poor student.... with no motivation at all... or if she is a good student, she will feel so much stress, she will grow to hate herself any time she gets anything but an "A"... and you could also put a huge wall of mistrust between you and her.

You have to accept her the way she is: smart, playful, probably very popular... but not an overachiever.


I♥♫→mia☼☺†

Answer 2

She is seven, for now you should still be in control. It sounds like you are letting her take charge. Try some hard and fast rules.
Find her currency and use it.
If she likes TV so much don't let her watch it until she has gone over ALL of the spelling words - even the extra credit.
Don't make it a battle, if she refuses just keep the TV off and leave her alone.
Most importantly don't engage, she probably likes the extra time you spend trying to get her to do things. Save extra time and attention for while she is cooperating and learning the words, (make it fun) or when she has already done something you want her to do.

Answer 3

Whip her!!!! That seems to be missing from everything you've done and probably has alot to do with her trying you like this at 7. Because, if a foundation is laid early on that says, "I don't play!" Children tend NOT to push the limits in areas where they know what you expect.

Bribing and threats are having no effect, because this is not a card game; she should really feel like she has no choice in the matter. You have to regain control here, because she obviously has taken from you and is doing this to get under your skin. Has something happened that she would have a desire to hurt you or disappoint you? Because, it almost sounds like this is being done intentionally to get a reaction and attention.

One way or the other, she's a child and you are her mom. And as long as your job is to clothe her, feed her, keep a roof over her head, groom her etc, she needs to understans that her only job is SCHOOL! Tell her if you slack off, you 2 wouldn't eat, have a home, a car etc. Therefore you do what needs to be done. She needs to do the same, or suffer the consequences!

What r the consequences you may ask....a beating!!!
The bible says, spare the rod SPOIL the child!

Answer 4

My Daughter just turned 8 in november and trust me I know where you stand. She is a straight A student and extremly smart! She could accomplish anything. I truly believe that. BUT when it comes to the small things for extra points the same idea comes to her mind. " I don't have to do that though!" I completly understand. You can't really push her to do something she doesn't have to do. Extra credit is honestly their choice and I know that seems silly to say a 7 yr old has their own choice in something. But its true. Just stop and think about the fact that they spend all their time making good grades and if they want to take a break they deserve one. Just kind of stand back and let her relax. I did with my daughter and now she does it on her own because she knows that I'm not pressuring her I am happy with what she does now. Making a child feel like your always wanting more and that what their giving you now is never enough can tend to back fire on you later in life. If I was you I would just tell her you understand if she doesn't want to go the extra mile, But if she does want to your there to help. Be patient...

Answer 5

I had a similar problem with my 9 year old son. He would want to play video games or watch t.v. instead of doing chores or homework. I set up a system of earning minutes to be able to watch t.v. or play video games. I made some photo copies of Monopoly money, and he has to either write a page of something such as a short story, or just one page of a made up story to earn a certain amount of minutes for the t.v., he has books that he gets to pick out to read for minutes also. His reading and writing grades have improved also! These writing or reading for minutes, is only done AFTER his normal homeowork assignments. He reads, he gets minutes, those minutes are reflected in the amount of monopoly money we give him, so if he earns 20 minutes, then we give him a 20 dollar bill. He can either save it and earn more minutes for a later time, or he can turn it in, this also teaches him responsibility. If he decides to save it for later, and loses it, he loses those minutes. He does not get any minutes unless he gives me the play money first. It took him a couple weeks to get the hang of it, but in the long run it has been the best thing we could have done for him. It has also saved our sanity because he can't play my husband and I off of eachother, saying dad gave him 10 minutes when he only gave him 5, now he has to prove it by turning in the money. Above all, you have to be consistent!!! If you try a punishment, you have to keep with it for at least three months to see any kind of permanant results. When you impliment a new rule, your child will do all sorts of things to push the boundries, stay firm, I always write down exactly what the rules are, the rewards and the consequences, otherwise I might forget exactly what I told him, and he gets away with it because I don't remember. Hope this helps!

Answer 6

Sounds to me like she is bored, and is doing only enough to get by on. She also sounds extremely intelligent, because she does have it figured out!!
Make games with her spelling words, kids love puzzles. I used to make crossword puzzles and word search puzzles with the spelling words. (including bonus words) Make two copies and sit down with her and "race" to see who can finish the puzzle first. Of course, you have to let her win sometimes, you know.
Make learning fun and challenging. If you are able, there are tons of computer programs for children her age that are not only fun, but very educational. If you can't purchase them, then try the computers at the local library.
She may not have a desire to excel, but she is only 7. (she has a HUGE desire to play) You actually have to "trick" her into it. The more she learns, and understands, the more she will excel without even trying.
Good luck, and remember patience. Try not to push her, and she will surprise you when you least expect it.
Oh, and keep on encouraging and bragging, it is a good parents privilege.

Answer 7

Sounds like my 7 year old. He makes good grades, but could do alot better. He was in the enhanced learning program last year and now they havent asked him back because his grades arent as good now as they were. But I do know what you mean. I sit with him and try to help him with his spelling words. Mine says the same thing as yours about the bonus ones. If you want to really get onto her about it, then make sure the TV is off at a certain time and have her sit and use that time to study. Then afterwards she can play. Make her learn those bonus words anyways. Just tell her she isnt going anywhere until she learns them. I know Im just saying what I think about, because I dont do this stuff myself. Maybe youve already done that stuff. Sorry I dont have a better solution. I wish I did for me too!

Answer 8

o my goodness, i dont actually have an answer, so much as i do completely feel for u!! i have the same problem with my 8 year old and have done the same things u have! he is in a gifted school and doesnt care to excel further either. have u tried to speak with her teacher and see if she has any suggestions? sometimes if u have a patient teacher they can spend a little extra time with your child, (without taking time away from the class of course) making it fun in the class and at home possibly could help? hope that is a little encouragement, ur not the only one out there :)

Answer 9

For one, stop trying to change your tactics...She has learned that if she blows you off, you'll just give up, and she can continue blowing you off.

For another thing, when she says "We don't have to learn those", tell her that her teacher may not require it, but that YOU do. And then sit there with her, while she works on learning them. Letting her know that you have high expectations from her, is one of the best ways of letting her know that you believe in her.

I'm sure she does have a desire to please you, but in trying something new every time the last thing didn't work, you're actually making it more difficult for her. If she knows that "this" is the way it's going to be, she's more likely to start working within the framework that you have established. You need to allow her the luxury of knowing that the rules are the rules...Kids actually thrive on having boundaries.

Answer 10

You are the parent - you make the decisions, and you make them happen. Turn off the TV; disable it if you have to. As long as you tolerate her behavior, it will continue. In this instance, don't ASK if she's going to learn the extra words - tell her she's going to, and stick to your guns. Make it abundantly clear to her that learning IS a priority with you, and do what it takes to make it happen (including the two extra words); likewise make it clear that there is a penalty for failing to do her work, such as grounding or the loss of privileges. If you punish/ground her, make sure it isn't in a room full of toys and computers. Television or computer time should be a REWARD for completion, not a bribe before homework is done. Be the adult, and gently but firmly exercise the discipline that she needs.