Recently,I've asked 2 female friends out to lunch seperately.They are only SOCIAL friends, there's no romantic overture, just lunch.Both of them have EXPECTED me to pay for lunch,usually we dutch,or take turns picking up the bill.I've been on the "outs with my GF for 6 weeks now, but as far as I know they don't know that,(I certainly haven't told them).I feel now like they are using me,and its got me a lil mad. Do they know somehow and think "lunch" is now some kind of romantic thing? I certainly don't think so. mind you : I'm not cheap, just curious as to why
2006-11-17 10:59:13 · 21 answers · asked by frith25 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Let me clarify: It's purely social, and I do pick up the bill quite a lot.Lately they both seem to EXPECT me to pay.We used to go dutch and it was fine,now I'm expected to??? Should I pay for their dry cleaning if I give them a ride and they ask to pick it up too ?
2006-11-17 11:10:51 · update #1
They're trained. You paid a few times, now they expect it. Next time, (if you do a next time) tell them in advance it's dutch, if that's it - or ask 2 or 3 people to meet you at the restaurant for lunch and include them, that way they could figure that they're supposed to carry their own. Personally, I always expect to pay for my own when I go out with friends, unless they say different ahead of time.
2006-11-17 11:23:25 · answer #1 · answered by Baby'sMom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't ask them out to lunch anymore. I know when someone asks me out to lunch i do expect them to pay as i would also expect to pay had I asked them out. This just seems to be the ettiquette I was raised with. I think if you said something like, where are you having lunch today, and then, mind if I join you, then that could be a way to avoid having to pick up the check.
2006-11-17 19:04:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lunch is now the "dinner" date. It's just safer for a woman to be be out with a "man" or "stranger" and be expected back at work in the middle of the day.
Lunch is dating, while dinner may or may not involve sex.
Paying for any meal should be part of the ritual. "Want to go for lunch" means the asker is treating.
2006-11-17 19:11:44 · answer #3 · answered by navymom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I usually always pay. A female friend pointed this out and said this was not right, people take advantage of these situations. Perhaps the next time ask for two separate checks or make a comment like "didn't I get this last time?" they should get the message.
2006-11-17 19:18:10 · answer #4 · answered by glen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel that they are using you?? Usually if a guy asks a girl out it's only polite for the guy to pay. Same with a girl asking a guy out, If I asked you out to lunch, I would say "hey (insert your name here) would you like to grab some lunch with me? My treat." I wouldn't consider it romatic in any way. Now if you want to have lunch with women friends in the future, you need to somehow make it clear in the beginning that they need to pay their own way. Not all women are the same. If you asked me out to lunch, I would order and then pull out my purse or offer to pay half and leave it up to you to decide. Money is a touchy subject, they may have been embaressed to ask, I know it's always akward for me, but I anti up anyway.
2006-11-17 19:05:15 · answer #5 · answered by Easter Bunny 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I understand you feeling used a bit. With my friends it is always a dutch treat thing no matter who does the inviting. However, my mother has always said that the person that does the inviting is the one that pays the bill. Maybe your friends were raised that way too?
2006-11-17 19:04:45 · answer #6 · answered by goldensparkler61 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If its the asker who is expected to pay, then we know why women never ask, right? I eat with friends a lot, one time one pays and the other tips and buys the beer, then we switch the next time. I agree that its not about the money,its about the fellowship, so if there is no fellowship, don't do it.
2006-11-17 19:14:14 · answer #7 · answered by Marcus R. 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, you say you asked them out to lunch. It's implied that you are paying. I certainly wouldn't expect it of my male friends if they didn't invite me, but men with class pay for lunch. My husband does so with his female friends and I would admonish him if it were otherwise.
2006-11-17 19:11:27 · answer #8 · answered by chelleedub 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to bring it to their attention, it is kind of rude for them to assume that you are always going to pay for their lunch. What is up with that? And no you should not pay for their dry cleaning, actually don't even drive them to pick it up, let them walk, LOL They are being kind of pushy aren't they. I would bring it to their attention. Perhaps it is just a misunderstanding. God bless *
2006-11-17 19:59:49 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you ask a girl out for lunch then you pay no matter what the relationship. if it was your mom would you expect her to pay? come on dude.
2006-11-17 19:08:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋