Im seeing a guy who is a bouncer at the weekend and gets very bored. I dont think he would mind me texting him so I want to try and make him giggle by texting him a joke but im crap at them. Do any of you guys have any I can send him please. xxx
2006-11-17 10:41:59 · 18 answers · asked by Pet 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
What would you rather be or a wasp?
2006-11-17 10:43:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Q - What do you call a fish without an eye?
A - Fsh (no 'i' - geddit?)
Q - What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A - No eye deer
Q - What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A - Still no eye deer
Teacher asks pupils for a sentence with the word contagious in it. Little Mary says, "My sister has the flu and my mum says it's contagious". "Very good says the teacher, what about you Little Jimmy". Little Jimmy pipes up, "My dad says our neighbour is painting his fence with a 2 inch paintbrush, he reckons it'll take the cont agious"
Octopus walks into a pub and says he can play any muscial instrument he his given. First bloke gives it a guitar which the octopus plays better than Jimmy Hendrix. Second bloke shows it the piano which he plays better than Elton John. A scotsman give it a set of bagpipes. The octopus looks puzzled and after while the scotsman says, "Whats wrong, can yi no play it?". "Play it?", replies the octopus, "I'm gonna shag it once i get it's pyjamas off"
2006-11-17 18:50:27 · answer #2 · answered by Ecko 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A skeleton walks in to a pub and asks for a large beer and a mop.
How do you get a leper out of bed?
With a vacuum cleaner!
What has John Prescott and a piece of Ikea furniture got in common?
One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.
There you go three for you
2006-11-17 18:53:08 · answer #3 · answered by tunisianboy46 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three blonds on death row
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Hope you like it.
2006-11-17 18:46:45 · answer #4 · answered by chocolate~bunny 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
3 men sitting in a sauna heard a bleeping sound. The American pressed his arm and the bleeping stopped. "That was my pager - I have a microchip in my arm". A second later the Japanese man puts his palm to his ear and says "That was my mobile, I have a chip in my hand". The Irish man, not to be outdone, went to the loo and came back with toilet paper hanging from his ar*e. " Bijasus, will you look at that? I'm getting a fax!"
2006-11-17 18:52:46 · answer #5 · answered by Emerelle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. The Wal-Mart Greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart ....Nice children you've got there, are they twins?" The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's seven. Why the hell would you think they're twins? ..........Do you really think they look alike?" "No", replied the greeter, " I just couldn't believe you got laid twice!"
2006-11-18 22:05:14 · answer #6 · answered by iknowtruthismine 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why was Snow White thrown out of Disneyland?
She was found sitting on Pinoccio's face yelling "lie you basxtard! LIE!"
2006-11-17 18:49:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What did the guy who was earning money answering questions say to the people who answer questions for points?
......read my profile.
2006-11-17 18:46:05 · answer #8 · answered by Carl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's the difference between an egg and a w*nk? You can beat an egg!
2006-11-17 18:46:06 · answer #9 · answered by WibbleWibble 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the blonde quiz
how does the orphan cross the road to his family?
let him get hit by a car
2006-11-17 18:43:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymoose 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A little girl was talking to her teacher. she said " How do you think Noah is doing?" "i don't know" the teacher replied. " I know! ill ask him in Heaven!" " But what if he doesn't go to heaven?" the teacher asked " Then you can ask him!"
2006-11-17 18:49:57 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋