I have been married to my wife for about 6 years. When we got married we did not go to church. About 5 years ago she started going and is now a full blown christian woman. I went with her for a little while but I did not want to be hypicritical, so I quit going. She tries and tries to get me to go on Wed, and Sun and I am afraid to tell her. She wants be to be saved so bad. But I dont feel it is possible. Any easy ways to tell her so I don't lose her?
2006-11-17 10:15:58 · 23 answers · asked by hanzpoo 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Thanks Midge what a great answer. My wife wont even say something like that.
2006-11-17 10:25:52 · update #1
Run don't walk to you local divorce lawyer. She has been brainwashed, and you have lost her. My condolences.
2006-11-17 10:18:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋
Wow. When people change and evolve in different directions, that's difficult. I think you should be honest and genuine, but not judgmental or condescending of her beliefs. Focus on saying "I", not "you" and emphasize what you do commonly believe in... your love, your marriage, etc. More importantly, can you be open-minded enough to let her grow in her faith apart from you and go with her when it is important (like Christmas or Easter) to her? That to me shows support, strength and sacrifice on your part. Conversely, she should support you in your beliefs and I would say be willing to take a day or two off from church when you ask. She should also not judge you for not believing as she does. Both of you should look for the "good" in each case (e.g., maybe there are some people you enjoy being social with at her church and she might like a day off playing hooky with just you now and then). Being genuine and being able to compromise will go a long way... and who knows? Maybe at some point down the road this journey will take you both back to the same page... no matter which side of the spectrum you fall on. I'm hopeful that both of you will focus on your commonalities rather than your differences and be supportive of each other. Good luck!
2006-11-17 18:30:05 · answer #2 · answered by J.B. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough question and I'm sorry it's not easy for me to answer. You must be thankful for the consolation offered to you by Midge though - it is nice to see a Christian heart shining bright for someone in genuine need.
I do hope you work something out together. Somehow she must need you, and not just her church. Good luck.
2006-11-17 18:21:15 · answer #3 · answered by Bad Liberal 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you love each other, and you married each other, and you trust each other, then you should communicate to her how you feel. Of course she may be disappointed, but we should all respect each other, especially in a marriage. As long as you are not confrontation, and are sincere, you should be okay, although that doesn't mean there aren't going to be continuing issues.
I am religious and my wife is agnostic, but we respect each other and therefore accept the other for who they are. As they say, honesty is always the best policy.
2006-11-17 18:40:09 · answer #4 · answered by straightup 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow thats a hard one. But I think that once one truly is "saved" or as I call it seeking the kingdom of heaven, making sure your husband is a part of the same organized religion that you are is not a major concern or even an issue. Please follow that little voice inside of you that tells you not to be a hypocrite, and just be honest with her. If she is truly "saved" she won't leave you for being yourself or being honest.
What are you being saved from? Hell after death? What kind of God would that be, if you are simply being honest with yourself?
2006-11-17 18:36:00 · answer #5 · answered by Sand 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Judging by the post you wrote, you sound like an awesome husband who cares about his wifes feelings therefore, I truly wouldn't worry about losing her. Just tell her the truth, you don't want to be hypocritical but don't share her beliefs. Please try to be open-minded though and don't prevent her from taking the children (if there are any) to church. Also, once in a while it wouldn't hurt for you to go either, would it?
2006-11-17 18:23:40 · answer #6 · answered by me 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have gone through this with my husband many times and you just have to be honest and stand your ground. She should feel free to go to church and be proud of it, but, she shouldn't be forcing you. If, she loves you, she'll understand and keep praying for you. In the mean time, you can help to understand her by reading up on Christianity and try to take some interest in what she does.
2006-11-17 18:24:14 · answer #7 · answered by lynnguys 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would really tell her the truth, and you very well might lose her, but it is far better to be honest with her and also equally important, be honest with yourself. I may not agree with you, but I do respect your right to chose your belief (or not to believe). I would just try to be gentle, tell her what is in your heart, you could just about read her the question that you posted above, it sounds very sincere to me. Can you accept this sentiment? Peace be with you, I hope it works out for you.
PS: It is not going to be easy, but nothing worthwhile is.
2006-11-17 18:23:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Start with 1 We didn't discuss religion in the beginning so I didn't think it would be an issue in our relationship. 2 I understand that you have grown and now you are very firm in your belief, but I just don't feel the things you are feeling. I don't even feel a need to feel what you are feeling. I feel like when I attend Church with you that I am (fill in the blank: bored, getting your hopes up because I don't believe nor desire to believe, etc.) 3 I love you just as you are, but you need to understand and love me as I am. 4 Stress she has nice friends at Church, but you don't want your lack of religion to be a factor in your marriage. 5 Consider offering to accompany her on Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day.
Then there's the usual co-op. I feel religion is a very private subject and I just don't feel I get as much out of being at Church as do (fill in blank: being outdoors in nature and talking privately with God.) Nature is my Church--you just need to learn to hike, hunt or fish.
2006-11-17 18:31:23 · answer #9 · answered by whozethere 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and discuss your beliefs and how they do not lead to church. You respect her freedom to believe and be saved. Ask her to respect your choice of belief (or non belief). Communication, again, is the key to a great relationship. Good Luck, sir!
2006-11-17 18:19:54 · answer #10 · answered by Shane 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Beyond any help I can give you.
If you seriously want to save your marriage and retain your own separate concepts of spirituality, you should probably involve a professional counselor to help open the lines of communication and find common ground.
Good luck.
.
2006-11-17 18:18:54 · answer #11 · answered by Chickyn in a Handbasket 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋