I have asked a few questions regarding me and my boyfriend..
The fact is we are both 23yrs old been dating 5 years living together 2 of them and we just finished college, which why we are not married just yet. We have sex once every month or two and i will give him a handjob twice a month.(I hate B.J.s) is our sex life as bad as he thinks really?????? Im scared he will resent me, or cheat...but i just usually dont feel like sex. What do you think?
2006-11-17 09:58:38 · 23 answers · asked by ash f 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
quit worrying... just marry the guy.
2006-11-17 10:00:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
Well, I am 44 and been married 22 years and if you were as old and married as long as me then I'd say, no, it's fine. Even if it could be better or more often.
But for 23 year olds? That really seems unusually infrequent to me.
Not sure what to do about it, especially if he is interested in more sex than you are. Maybe you have just not found the stuff about sex to make you really like it a lot. Not sure if you might like it better with more experimentation and more attention and care from him. Maybe you're just not ever gonna be that into it. Hard to tell.
My suggestion... On some of those times when you are planning to give him a handjob, ask him first to spend like half an hour just doing sensual stuff to you. But not actually having "coitus". Hopefully that takes pressure off you and allows you to just enjoy. And who knows maybe eventually get more interested in sex overall. And by you doing the handjob afterwards, that gives him some reward and release at least.
You could also try, on your own, a book on exploring your sexuality...
For Yourself : The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality by Lonnie Barbach, or
What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex, or
Pleasure: A Woman's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need and Deserve, or
Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys to Finding Your Lost Libido
"***** 5-star review on amazon.com The best self-help book ever, June 24, 2004
Reviewer: A reader
I bought this book based on the Amazon reviews and I'm glad I did. This book [Reclaiming Desire] is for everyone; I am most certainly not the average victim of low libido - I'm 24 years old, no children, and in a committed loving relationship. It cleared up so many things for me; so much so that my therapist is buying it to recommend to his other patients. I have since recommended it to all of my girlfriends, even the ones who feel they have no libido problems. Besides getting me to feel more open discussing some of the problems that were weighing heavily on me, I learned some simple relaxation tips to keep me 'in the moment' and focused on the experience, not the grocery list that I used to make in my mind. I could go on and on, but just trust me. It's worth buying."
2006-11-17 10:41:12 · answer #2 · answered by sailing_orienteer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to the doctor. At your age you should be wanting it more than that. You may have a problem with hormones. Is it good when you do have sex? If not, is it when you are alone? That may help determine if it's hormonal or he just needs some lessons on your body. And you are the only one to teach him what YOU need.
Also, if you were brought up very religious you may have some repressed thoughts about having sex before marriage. We want to think we are past worrying about that but it's all compared to your views when you were young.
Learn to like giving a bj. Try flavored lube. Not fair for him to have to go without and it can be so much fun!
But, start with the doctor to check hormones and go from there. Life is too short to miss out any any sex!!!
2006-11-17 10:08:26 · answer #3 · answered by honey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there's no real "right or wrong" amount to have sex. every couple needs to communicate with each other and come to an agreement.
i think the issue here is that you may be going through some type of strange hormonal issue or maybe even psychological issue.. it's not considered normal for a young, healthy adult to not want sex.. especially if you are in a relationship that is that strong and serious..
or, perhaps that has nothing to do with it.. could be you are not interested in sex because your not happy with your relationship? you may need to rethink about whether this is the right guy for you to be with or not..
2006-11-17 10:13:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it really is that bad. Maybe go to a doctor and see if you have a sex drive problem. And stop giving him handjobs, if he wanted a handjob he can do that himself. Eventually, you will have it less and less and if he isnt comfortable with the pace you are at he will resent you and cheat.
2006-11-17 10:06:52 · answer #5 · answered by itzmedbd 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your sex life is pretty sparse. I've been married 6 years now and we usually have full sexual intercourse at least twice a week and oral/hand once. Sometimes its more *grin*, sometimes its less *pout*.
When I got married I was given a very odd piece of advice that frankly I found offensive, but later came to understand. It was this: A wise woman keeps her man happy.
2006-11-17 10:09:25 · answer #6 · answered by Poppet 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That he will be/ or is getting some on the side
Look the bottom line is that he can give himself a (what) hand job- gurl you need to step your game up and take some viagra or something that is not normal you are going to lose him because he needs to nut more than 4 times in a month
2006-11-17 10:02:45 · answer #7 · answered by FeeLnUFeeLnMe 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you can count the number of times you and your guy are intimate...yes...u have a bad sex life...try to spice things up a little...5 years is a long time but damn what are you gonna do if you get married!!! Are you stressed out??? Sometimes that can be the problem....
2006-11-17 10:13:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend says that "if he says it's bad it's bad, the ideal sex life is one in which both partners are satisfied, and a relationship is about compromise"
I agree. A couple's sex life should be mutually satisfying. It's not based on what anyone says about how many times, and how often, you should have sex...but rather on how many times you want to have sex, and what works for you two
2006-11-17 10:04:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes in a persons life they just don't like sex and sometimes you will get a span of when you just want it all the time. Just talk to him and ask him to be honest with you about it all that is the only way to know.
2006-11-17 10:00:31 · answer #10 · answered by andyramvzb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your sex life has a few problems. If he has wants it more you better believe he is getting more than you are given. You need to be scared.Talk to him I am sure he knows that you dont enjoy sex. Maybe you need to see a therapist as well to see what your issues are about sex.
2006-11-17 10:04:30 · answer #11 · answered by justturning40 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋