How do I set up a reward/discipline system for my son?

Question

My son is 8 years old, and I want to set up a reward system for him to encourage good behavior. Its getting to the point where taking priveledges away does not have a lasting effect on him. He loves to play playstation, computer games, and watch TV (which are the things id like him to earn). Every time I try to set this up and make a list, I get confused! I was thinking a point system, each point is worth 10 min of "free time" to be split up between those three things he loves to do. This seems so complicated to be marking every minute down and what hes used it for to see how many minutes he has left! I know lots of people use this system (or the ladder) but I am unsure of how to do it. Also, if I were to use the ladder system, where does he start on day one? at the top, bottom, or middle? Same with the points... should he have some points when we start? Im afraid if he has none, he will see it as too daunting of a task and not want to complete it (hes lazy!) Thank you!

I would also like to add that my child, being lazy, for him if the task is too large, it is much easier (in his mind) to give up and go sit in his room for the night than to complete what needs to be done. He does this with homework sometimes, especially when he is tired. Thats when we have to get up early and work on it then. This may affect the system and how it works for him, I dont know.

I would also like to add that I do not approve whatsoever of spanking or any sort of physical harm, so I would appreciate if this is left out of your answers!

Answer 1

It sounds like you are on the right track. We are trying to implement something with our 8 yr old daughter. She has the same problem as your son. If I ask her to clean her room she just sits on the floor and cries saying it is too hard. I found this great product at target called a magnetic responsibilty chart. It has a bunch of diifferent chores like clean your room, pick up clothes and also behavioral things like say please and thank you and be nice. Each time your child completes a task there is a magnetic disk you place in the correct square. We decided to use those disks as tokens. At the end of each week my daughter gets to take down the tokens and trade them in for things she wants. Since we already have set limits on TV, computer and video game time we use the tokens for small toys at the dollar store, buying special desserts at the grocery store or she can save them up on a tally sheet for something big like going to the movies, buying a new video game or spending a day at our local fun center. As for discipline she knows that breaking the rules results in loss of tokens which could prevent her from getting the things she wants. I would recommend starting out small with a few simple tasks that you know he can do so that he feel a strong sense of accomplishment. As he gets more confident add more tasks. Good Luck.

Answer 2

Use a form of currency that you create for your house. the currency is for time alloted to do certain things. Give him set of chores to do and tell him what his "pay" is for doing them.

"Dad, I wanna play the xbox."

If he has xbox currency allow him to play for the alloted time on the 'bill'.

This will encourage him to earn more currency in the house, and teach him about saving. The currency and exchange system should be set up so that he will have to save up for a few days at the very least in order to get any real playing time.

That's the carrot. When the carrot fails, resort to the stick:

If he is content with doing absolutely nothing for free time, then don't allow it. Occupy his time with something he'll hate (assuming ALL homework is done) like chores or doing extra homework.

If that doesn't work, then resort to more drastic stick methods. Like something that isn't a chore, and is a mundane task. I'd suggest this one: Go and get a bag of small rocks. Place at one end of the yard. The object, is to bring the entire pile of rocks from one end of the yard to the other...ONE rock at a time.

Get creative. Get inside his head. Find out what motivates him.

I am a big believer in positive reinforcement. If you see him doing something you like, be sure to let him know somehow.

Answer 3

lazy-motivate sounds like he is having priviliges taken away alot.a star chart 10 stars 1/2hr of game playing -home work done 5 stars-star him out w/2stars for motivation other 3 stars are keeping his room clean. after he earns all 10 he has free time to play or family time. when he is being good say [ wow i'm proud of you 4 being good ]after 70 stars 1wk do something special as a reward. good luck happy holidays.u r right hitting accomplishes nothing.

Answer 4

You can't. Wait for him to leave the machine unattended and logged in, and change your account to admin. Then take admin off his account. Make sure he does not know your password. If you don't get this chance, try starting in safe mode and logging in as the user administrator with a blank password. It is often left blank on install. From there do the same, set him as non admin, and yourself as the only admin. Then either way set the same password you use on the administrator account. Otherwise he may use this back door to change it again.

Answer 5

Children shouldn't be rewarded for good behavior in my opinion. They should behave because you asked them to, not because they want a prize at the end. Praising them is a much better alternative. I do think that rewarding every once in awhile is a good idea though :)

Answer 6

make him earn stars that can go on a sheet of card in his room