The favorite child?

Question

My mom had a favorite and it wasn't me. Messed up my self esteem pretty bad. Now I see that most of my siblings and friends have a favorite and it makes me sick. Should I say something?

Poor babies.

Anyone else been through this?

Answer 1

I've been there. My younger brother was favored. I grew up hearing my mom tell me, "I love you but I had always hoped for boys." I was the first born and a big disappointment because I was a girl. Then my brother came along after mom had suffered a miscarriage. My mom and brother have a strong bond that I've never had with my mom and it isn't for lack of trying. Also, my parents were both very athletic in high school. They exceled at their sports. I did sports but did not excel like they did. My brother is a natural at any sport he tries. Growing up, my parents never had time to attend functions where I would be recognized for academic achievement. However, they never missed my brother's baseball games. I asked for a lettermen's jacket because I had lettered in tennis and in journalism.I was told they couldn't afford it. But they didn't hesitate to get my brother a lettermen's jacket. It still goes on today. They are luke warm to my kids and husband but just adore my brother's wife and child.

However, I don't believe that all parents do this. I have two boys. I don't favor one over the other at all. They are both very different children and I have a bond with each of them. They are both smart, silly, sweet and tempermental in their own ways. If someone asked me to pick a favorite, I simply would not be able to do it. My brother asked me just last year which one I had an easier time with. I couldn't answer. They can both be sweet and they can both be difficult. They each challenge me in different ways. I honestly cannot say that one is easier than the other. My brother didn't believe me. He insisted one must be the "better" child. But I don't see them that way at all. I don't try to compare them because they are different people.

Answer 2

I've been through it on the other side of the spectrum. I was the favorite of my father. It made me feel guilty and like I had to make it up to my sister our entire lives. And so I took alot of verbal and emotional abuse because I always felt so guilty. So, for me at least, it wasn't rosier on the other side. Just recent years I stopped taking her abuse and the result was loss of our relationship. I haven't spoken to her in almost a year. I miss her but until I feel as though she values and respects me, I refuse to be her verbal punching bag.

If you feel that strongly about it, then by all means speak up but know in advance that you probably won't have a welcoming response. Most parents deny it to the end and get very defensive about it, especially if they know they're guilty. Not many parents will admit to feeling that way. I don't think it's intentional when it does happen though. It's not that one is loved more, it's just the parent may have more similiarities with the other child and so they "share" more.

As an adult you really need to find a way to let go of that pain. It's not healthy to carry it around with you.

Answer 3

It's human nature. I'm still a kid, but it seems that my parents favour my brother. I understand sometimes because he is autistic, and he needs that nurturing. As a parent, it is important to encourage all of your children in a good way. Favourites...I don't think we can really control human nature. But we CAN control it from letting it go to far to the point that it makes somebody's self-esteem drop. It's up to you to say something. If you think other parents are favouring TOO much, then you can speak up.

Answer 4

yes, i went my whole life until recently thinking the same way that you do. then i done some soul searching and realized it wasn't them;it was me. i had put up a wall because i had it in my head early on that i was not loved as much as my sister. how ever u must get through this do it soon. life is too short to think that your not special and that no one cares. i also suffer from depression but i really don't know if it steams from that or other things that happened to me in childhood. what ever the cause, there is always a cure if we are willing to accept some responsibility.

Answer 5

Every mom is a little partial to one child. It's something that's usually unintentional... There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. What 'is' wrong however, is when this partiality is obvious enough for the other children to notice... That's where the line should be drawn, usually.

I personally don't think it's your place to say anything to your siblings or your friends....

Answer 6

what's YOUR well-liked youngster's e book? Make way for Ducklings- a classic reliable for each age what's your youngster's well-liked e book? the three 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous loves eco-friendly Eggs and Ham and the David books, the 5 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous likes the flamboyant Nancy books, and the 7 3 hundred and sixty 5 days previous likes the Junie B Jones and the Fudge books. did you realize of a few fairly large e book titles which have lots of which means for the ascertain and the youngster? i imagine it fairly relies upon on everybody. i love the classics, yet my youthful children are not inspired through Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel almost as a lot as i replaced into.

Answer 7

As a parent, I have 4 kids and at different stage of their lives I tend to favour the smaller ones more. However I try to be fair and not show favourite. I know people who single out one child and put them on a pedestal and that's wrong. Most middle chid suffer from a genuine lack of "attention" and I guess you're one.

Answer 8

My hubby went through the same thing. He was the middle child. His parents treat him totally different from his two brothers. Plus, it doesn't help that his youngest brother is adopted. My hubby is thirty now, and has huge issues from the years and years of his parents treating him like an outsider. His mom will drive 6 hours and come to see his brother, and will not come and see my hubby when we life 20 minutes away from his brother. They have done numerous things, and it drives me crazy. Say something to your family and friends before they create another child like you or my hubby..

Answer 9

My brother was the favorite...still is...he can do no wrong. Sorry to say but it won't help to say anything. Why parents do this I have no idea, I guess that is one of the reasons we decided to only have 1 child and I can honestly tell you he is our favorite!!

Answer 10

I have been through it too, but your friends will have to learn by themselves...if they are so stuck in their ways as to have a favourite, they are hardly likely to listen to you anyways.
Just be there as an agony aunt for these children!