how can i get my kids to understand they dont have to hate there dads gf because i do. and how do i get them to be nice to her my kids said that she is nice them but they dont like her. is it because i dont like her. they tell there dad that i still love and tell me that he still love me
2006-11-17 08:36:36 · 8 answers · asked by braveheart3g 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Kids follow the examples they are given. If your example to them is "I don't like her" then they aren't going to like her either.
2006-11-17 08:38:04 · answer #1 · answered by CelebrateMeHome 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
A new GF is always hard on the kids. It doesnt have to be. I know that it is hard to see your ex with another woman. My advice to you is this. Kids reaction to any situation is gauged by how the parents react. Think of a small kitchen fire. The kids dont know to "freak out" untill the parent starts screaming and freaking out. This is the same thing. Kids learn by example. This is a prime example. You can still fix this.. start asking your kids how their visit was with dad and Gf. If they say... She made us pudding.. say.. OH well that was so nice of her.. wasnt that nice? Put a positive spin on things. Teach your children to be a LEADER and not a FOLLOWER! Let them make up their own mind. You are letting them hate her for adult reasons.... and they are not adults. My advice is to put a positive spin on this when it comes to her. You can still hate her, but dont teach your children hate. There is far too much of that in the world already. I can tell you are a wonderful mother just by wanting to change this situation. Keep it up! Teach your children how to love and be a leader!!!
2006-11-17 21:50:53 · answer #2 · answered by WestWife 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is it about her that makes YOU hate her? It could be that the same thing bothers them. Although... it's more likely that they are afraid you'll be upset if they like her.
Best thing to do, would be to go back in time and never say anything negative about the gf or their dad in front of them. But... since time machines are hard to come by... all you can do now is try to fix things. If you can force yourself to be civil with the woman, to not criticize her within earshot of the kids, to not mutter things under your breath about her... it'll help. Try to point out positive things about her instead. WHen the kids say she bought them a ____ say "gee, that was awful nice of her, she must really like you guys". If they say she did something they didn't like, listen... then maybe try to point out why you might have done the same thing (made them finish their dinner, grounded them, whatever).
How old are the kids? It could be that THEY are convinced you guys will get back together (many kids have this fantasy!) and they simply don't like her because she is "in the way" of that. Talk to them... let them know that while you both LOVE THEM, you do not love each OTHER. But remind them that it's perfectly okay for THEM to love each of you, just like you each love them.
It's definitely a tough one... and it sounds like a lot of damage has already been done... but if you can put your personal issues with her aside for the benefit of the kids... it'd be the right thing to do.
Have you seen Stepmom? It's a great movie that sounds a lot like your situation. :) It's just a movie... but it's definitely thought provoking. :)
2006-11-17 16:57:35 · answer #3 · answered by kittikatti69 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, first off you should not be telling your kids that you don't like her. Also every child maintains the hope that their parents will get back together.
What you and your ex need to do is support each other in front of your children. Your children shouldn't try to be messengers or matchmakers...When you talk with your kids, just ask if they had fun, did they enjoy themselves, etc...There is no reason to be discussing the gf, your ex or everyone's feelings.
Be happy that the gf is nice to them, be happy that your ex is happy b/c it probably makes him a better dad and let your kids enjoy themselves and not worry if they are "betraying" you because they like the gf.
Good luck!
2006-11-17 16:45:34 · answer #4 · answered by seaelen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your children are an extension of you. They will fear what you fear and hate what you hate. Things didn't work out with you and their dad so be it. If the women he dates are bad people than you are right not to want your kids around them, but drop the grudges, that is so high school. just get on with your life.
2006-11-17 16:40:45 · answer #5 · answered by cajohnson667 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to keep your feelings about her to yourself.
Do you remember the saying: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"? This would be an excellent time to follow that advice.
Remember, also, that your children see how you interact with her so make sure that you treat her with respect.
2006-11-17 16:47:59 · answer #6 · answered by MissHelle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply tell your kids they are allowed to have any opinion of her that they want, but that it should be THEIR opinion.. not influenced by other emotions.
2006-11-17 16:38:47 · answer #7 · answered by Paul A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop expressing your feelings about her. You are their mom and they don't want to "betray" you by liking her.
2006-11-17 16:39:22 · answer #8 · answered by mzindica 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋