Scared 4 Year Old Daughter?

Question

My daughter has always been very independent child. About a week ago she started freaking out everytime I left a room. She follows me constantly, cries if she can't get to me, and has started climbing into my bed at night. She says it's because she can't feel me at night. I've tried talking with her and assuring her I'm not leaving, having her express her feelings as best she can, and validating how she feels, but this is starting to become a problem. I can't leave the house without a major fuss! It's heartbreaking but I also can't give in to her. Any ideas?

Answer 1

Seperation anixety or over active imagination. Why don't you get her a special teddy we named ours Dream Ted, he is there to protect you blah,blah...., if you are leaving to go to the store just tell her mommy is going to go to the store I will be back in 15 min, so she has a time frame.

Answer 2

I have two daughters and each has behaved in exactly the same way. Children get to an age where they suddenly realise what it means to be close or away from their parents. They are the most intelligent humans around. It is important to teach them the importance of love and integration as it is independence but it is also important to be aware that the British are famous for allowing their children to become independent at such young ages. In Japan children are allow to sleep with their parents until the age of 12...their bodies encouraged to rest inbetween that of their parents like a river winds itself between 2 banks. Too airy fairy for you? Listen carefully to what your daughter needs and take those needs into consideration...they are far more important than our grown up whims and will give far greater rewards than any kind of discipline learnt from a book.

Answer 3

I was the SAME way as your daughter.. but i soon just grew out of it! my mom and i were always together when i was little .when my mom left the house i would cling beg, cry fuss scream and think she would never come back... my mom just once she left would call about every 1. to just check in.. some say that would be bad because it would rattle her all up again.. trying leaving something that smells like you with her... and a picture... find something that she really likes and when you leave her with a baby sitter?? or family member have them come over a lot before you plan out to go on a date or something... i baby sit and before they started leaving the house they had me come over for about 1 week about every day for a couple of hours and just played while she did things and the kids got used to me. and when her mom left, they knew she was gone but they were having a blast with me!
so try the picture of you, and something that smells like you, or try dropping her at a friends house..

i hope this helps!

Answer 4

The questions first are if the fears are legitimate (to her) or if it is now a habit that brings her attention she is craving. So, first address the fears as if they are real. Put in a sound machine. We swear by that! It keeps out road and wind noise and my son sleeps tons better. Then give her a nightlight in the bathroom or hall. Find out where her fears are in her bed or room and address them. Go to the store and tell and get a special stuffed animal. Put it in a box and wrap in brown wrapping. Write on the box "Guardian Friend" or something of that nature. Then leave it at the front door like the postman brought it. Tell her that it is to catch her fears and that he likes to be talked to and held tightly at night. Then, before bed, explain to her that you have addressed her fears and you love her but she needs to get a good night sleep. Explain you will not be giving her attention at night unless something is wrong like she is sick. Set up a chart for stickers. Let her put a sticker on each night that she makes it through without getting up or calling you. And give her rewards that mean more time with you. Maybe that is the real underlying issue. She wants attention so she is getting it at night. The, be strong, firm but yet still loving. When she yells, go in tell her goodnight and that you love her and leave the room. If she gets up just firmly walk her back to her room with no talking and put her back to bed. It could take even a week of this but the less attention you giver her the less she gets out of it. Yelling is attention! Then when she starts succeeding giver her special time like promise to do a puzzle with her, go get an ice cream, etc. This too shall pass!

Answer 5

Can you think of anythng that has happened to make her think she could lose you?

Has anything else happened - anyone new in her life?

Can you try and pinpoint when this first happened? MIGHT there be clues there?

It may be that nothing has happened, nothing has been set and she has just done this for no obvious reaso - but obviously SOMETHING has made her concerned about this.

I hope other folks have some good suggestion for you. I guess lots of reassurance and "little absences" with you coming back again each time might slowly build her confidence back up.

Answer 6

Seperation anxiety, it had to have started with something, a thought something she saw on TV. This is part I think requires tough love. I have been doing this for my son who recently go t the begezzus scared out of him by our apartment fire alarm. he crys for me at night and startles at every small sound. I have to hold him everyhwere I go. Finally I realized that I was eggin him on. If I held him and reasured him he would not be able to get over his fear of sounds. Usually I heard it takes 3 days for kids to forget and move on.
Tonight is the third night and yesterday he actually went to bed at his normal time but cryed still.

Put her to bed even if she crys and tell her that you will be in the next room if you need her. every 10 minutes go in and check on her to reasure her and a couple times at night if she doesnt sleep well. If she get sinto your bed put her straight back in her bed and tell her you will be only a room away. Slowly cut back on the times you visit her room and reasure her. She will soo sleep better.

The more I babied my son the more I made him feel like he should be scared of something then them more scared and the more attached to me he was.

Sometimes we need to stand back even when our hearts tell us to comfort and coddle. Good Luck!! Stay strong

Answer 7

Did something major happen about a week ago? Did she have an unpleasant experience that is causing her this anxiety? Talk to her because it sounds like she has gone through or witnessed something bad. Get to the bottom of the problem, then work on solving it. Good luck.

Answer 8

Just let her sleep w/ you . Invest in a KING SIZE bed if you haven't already got one. If you care to know something that might eat at your skin.......personally,my husband and I co-sleep w/our three young daughters ages 6, 3, & 10 months old,only our ten month old is in the crib that we have in our room.My six year old isn't brave enough to sleep in her room that she's supposed to share w/ her 3 y o sister.
Scared of her toys in the dark, scared of shadows,,the night time itself freaks her out. Our bed is a king size by the way.
Eventually before she turns 7,we're getting them a bunk bed !
The only thing I can say to you is ,your daughter is not the only kid out there ,scared to sleep in her room. She'll get over it, it just takes a while .... it could be as lilttle as a month,up to a year or two.
Just hang in there ,it will pass!
Good luck to yall!

Answer 9

My guess is that a major thing has happened in her life lately. Has she started preschool? Did you take a trip without her? Try to figure it out and talk about the situation and make her feel safe about it. Good luck!

Answer 10

You could try putting a tee shirt that smells like you on her teddy bear to sleep with at night. I have no clue what to do about the day time. Does she know why she got scared all of a sudden? I'd question her again, did something happen you don't know about? Best of luck!

Answer 11

Something must have happened for this behavior to start. Something see saw on TV maybe or something that happened in the house to have frightened her that she is afraid something is going to happen to you and she will be alone.
Go back over what has occurred in the past week that would have upset her so.