I cant forget an old girlfriend I had 30 years ago. Should I make contact,even though we are both settled.?

Question

I am constantly thinking of her. She is oblivious to all of this. Any suggestions welcome. I am besotted with the idea that we could take up where we left off. Jim

Answer 1

Let it go, mate. It's just a fantasy that has been cooking away in your mind for years. Aside from the fact that you both broke up for a reason, 30 years on you are both different people.

You'd be much better off channelling your energy into finding someone who wants you for who you are now. Stop looking into the past for something that never was - look into the future!

Answer 2

I am having the same grief. I have been married now for 10 years. My wife is a wonderful caring beautiful person. When I was in high school back in 1984 I dated at the end into the fall a girl we will call her GR. She was a beautiful wonderful girl who really loved me. I did her wrong and kicked her to the curb. The years have gone by and I have not even given it a thought until the last few months I was stricken with guilt and grief over this. She is long since married with a family. I truly hope she is happy healthy and well. This girl was from a very strict household and I think she was looking to get out of that environment. I do believe she did love me. The timing was bad she was serious ready for marriage I was not even close. I was an immature 18 year old idiot at the time. I am 48 years old now and am still quite young and child like. In fact I did not get married until I was 38 years of age. I wish somehow I could apologize and put this shame to rest. I have been dumped by several girls over the years and today I do not even give them a thought. My life looking at it in hindsight would have been a living nightmare if I commited and married either of these two wenches. This GR was different. I was the bad guy and she did not in no way shape or form deserve this treatment that is why I feel so bad about this. I never did abuse assault or mistreat her. However I just wish I could make things right for my own conscience and own sake. I am very sentimental and the older I get I think more about the people who I have done wrong to and truly regret doing such.

Answer 3

I have been in your position, and I can tell you now you will regret it. People change and 30 years is a long time. Back in the seventies I had someone who I still hold a candle for and often compare what I have now, too what I had then, she was lovely and we went everywhere together, but things were difficult and we parted, got back together some twelve months later but all that shine had gone and we were both treading on eggshells, we were worlds apart, I couldn't trust her 'cause I knew she had a soft spot for a friend we used to laugh at and called him Aids. I left and lived in my caravan, she used to come round trying to be nice but would usually go away in tears. It was only a couple of weeks ago that I dreamed about her. I really loved her and if I am honest, probably still do, it took at least eighteen months to have anything to do with another girl.

Trust me Jim, It don't work.!!!!

Answer 4

You say she is settled and is oblivious of what's going on in your mind, so why spoil it for her? Surely a 30 year separation is quite a long time and you don't know what she she has been doing all these years. It seems you are now fed up with your present wife and think this fantasy will reignite and bring you back to your youthful years. I'm afraid to say even if you woo her back into your life, the initial spark is gone, so let her be where she is and you move on with your life. If you are not married, then seek a new partner.

Answer 5

You know, I struggled with this very same issue and know exactly how you feel. I tried to contact her, but was unsuccessful, because her hubby kept answering the phone and she doesn't have an email address. So, I posted a comment on a school reunion site for her, and left it. My feelings for her are inside of me. Deep inside I will always have that feeling, even though times, people, situatiions charge. You can never go back, but I think that I would do more harm than good by contacting her directly, because it might cause her pain and suffering in her current situation, and that is the last thing I want to do. So I guess I will have to settle for the memories and the feelings. I will always love her, but I will have to carry that "secret love" whinin me. Hope that this helps.

Answer 6

go for it follow ur heart
secretly she might want the same thing but feels how u do
u only live once if she isnt interested at least then u can try to move on u wont be wondering theres still achance
or stay like this 4 the rest of ur life never be happy
to be honest i cant see how u can pick up where u left off not if ur both in relationships u need to let this girlfreind down and tell her now rather than hurting her more later, but ur thinking if i go 4 it and she turns me down ill be on my own so ill keep my presant girlfriend just incase that isnt fair to play with peoples emotions
do something about it

Answer 7

sorry if this isn't what you want to hear. this is an all too common story that everyone goes through. 30 years is a long time and you may userp her life now - she may be happy and settled. ultimately neither of you are still the same people. saying 'hi' would be great for both of you but - to quote 2 good cliches; you cant turn back the clock, and the grass isn't always greener.

good luck though with whatever you decide.

Answer 8

If this means cheating on your spouse, then NO. If you are unhappy in your marriage than you either need to work it out or get a divorce. Have these thoughts of her just come back recently? If so, that's no reason to start meddling with past failed relationships. If you've been thinking of her for 30 years, you really need to consider getting divorced before pursuing any other relationship.

Don't do that to your spouse.

Answer 9

You can never pick up where you left off. Too much time has passed. It is normal for you always to think of you first love, but you are both different people now.

I know form experiance
I hooked back up with one of my old boyfriends from highschool and we did actually turn back into our old selves for awhile and it worked but hten reality settled in and we realized we had both chenged too much for anything real to happen and it effected both our lives, very badly

Answer 10

Everyone remembers their first love. If you're still thinking of her 30 years later then that's true love and you're lucky to have experienced it. Look back with fondness and wish her well in your heart, but you're both settled now so don't upset the apple cart.