I cant forget an old girlfriend I had 30 years ago. Should I make contact,even though we are both settled.?

Question

I am constantly thinking of her. She is oblivious to all of this. Any suggestions welcome. I am besotted with the idea that we could take up where we left off. Jim

Answer 1

Don't make contact - you are settled and so is she. She will be a completely different person now than she was then. She will also look very different. Keep your fantasies in the past.

Answer 2

whoa - that's a whole can of worms waiting to be opened !!! u say that u are settled, well, u can't be that settled or u wouldn't even be asking this question. i have a few worries about all of this.... mainly, are there kids involved ? and are they old enough to cope with the break up of the relationships / marriages if u and this lady do get back together ? and the other thing that would concern me is the chance that u could lose her friendship if she feels unable to cope with your feelings for her. i really don't know what to suggest as i don't know the finer details of the situation, but i would advise u to take things slowly, and think very seriously as to the consequences of your actions. hope it all turns out for the best.

Answer 3

Tread carefully with this one Jim!! I would act on it, BUT, dont go charging in! It could open a rght can of worms! Find some way of meeting without blurting everthing out. She may not be the same person you knew back then. I think you need to test the waters without destroying and hurting others. I always think if you dont excorcise ghosts they will haunt you for ever! Take care though.

Answer 4

They say we regret the things we don't do in life more than the things we do. So why not try. You never know; you might be surprised. And even if it does not turn out like you may have hoped, at least you may feel better that you tried to find out and will not have to regret not doing anything at all.

I am in a similar situation. About a year ago I started thinking about someone I haven't seen in 25 years. I thought my feelings for him had faded, but realize I still have strong feelings for him. I wrote him a letter, and later paid him a visit. I found out he suffers from a serious mental disorder and he has isolated himself. Knowing that there is someone who still cares about him may be something he desperately needs right now. He is afraid to talk to me, so I have sent him more letters that speak of our relationship and his fine qualities. He may not read them but at least receiving the envelope with his name tells him someone still cares for him.

I feel a seed was planted in my brain that made me make contact with him after all these years. I feel there is a reason I needed to come back into his life.

Life is short. Go for it.

Answer 5

You are thinking how it use to be. You love the idea. So much has changed now and you both aren't the same as how you use to be. I suggest trying to figure out why it is you are thinking about her. Perhaps you are having problems with your marriage and you miss the idea of what this old girlfriend use to be??

Answer 6

Once I heard "memories are light, reality is heavy" It means you are not in love with her, you are in love with the time you spent together but for some reason you got apart and you don't remember that. If you contact her againg thinking in how she was she was in the past you would realize how mistaken you were when you meet her again. Time past by for everybody and maybe she doesn't feel the same way for you.

Answer 7

It usually doesn't work out - you might be surprised by how people change dramatically over time, especially 30 years. I contacted someone from 17 years ago and she and I were just very different people now.

Answer 8

think you have to do something, otherwise this will niggle at u till you do (it is now), I agree that u have to be careful and that she may be a different person and that it may not be possilbe to pick up were u left off, but the feeling won't go away. Worth a try even if u end up just good mates

Answer 9

Are you married? Is she? There is no harm contacting an old friend but dont read too much into yet or get your hopes up. You hear about old loves reconnecting all the time. I say go for it but go as a friend. Best of luck.

Answer 10

sorry i just mistakenly rated your question as rubbish!.

i think you should leave this in tha past. the sub-heading for your question suggests you have some kind of problems (apologies if im wrong) . In this position you always want to go back to the happy times. and if you have a partner then make no contact at all. This happened to me after a doctor told a partner to write a letter to one of his ex's. damn that doctor i tell you! i would kill him if i saw him.

so i would suggest leaving it well alone!