I love them, but I am concerned...?

Question

About 6 mos. ago I ran into an old friend. We let our kids play a couple of times, and then she asked me to babysit her daughters. I have watched them nearly everyday since. They are wonderful children, but they are always sick. After asking to take them to the doctor numerous times, I took them myself. They were given meds., but when I sent them home, I was told ,by the 4 y/o that they were not given to them. I said nothing, but then we I got their meds again, my friend picked her kids up for 5 days, and left the meds here. I provide diapers, food, socks,shoes,coats,etc. I know that their parents love them, but I also know that they are on drugs, that is why they leave them with me so often. When with their parents, they are left to fend for themselves, so they beg for me. I have talked to them, but they feel that as long as they dont do drugs in the presence of the kids, then nothing is wrong. I totally disagree! I cannot raise them, or I would call CPS. I need advice.

Answer 1

You are a WONDERFUL person for taking care of these children the way you have been and i'm sure that your inner battle is keeping you up at night. Put it into this perspective, if it weren't for you, where would these children be?? Its time...you don't have to give the authorities your name but they need to step in! CPS may not take the children away, they may give the parents the scare they need to get on the right track. CPS actually WANT the children to be with their families as long as they are being taken care of. They will do their evaluations and possibly turn the parents straight. Do the best thing for these children that you can possibly do...give them a chance...call.

Answer 2

This is neglect. To not provide a child with the basics of living (food, clothing, basic health care, safe place to be) is classified as neglect. Do they have any other relatives that you know of that they could stay with? Allowing the parents to take advantage of your caring nature is not getting you anywhere, nor is it a solution for the kids. They need stability and safety. Regardless of the parent's feelings about their recreational usage, living in a drug environment is not a great place for the kids. I would recommend calling CPS. At the very least, they can start the parents on some home visits to check on the kids, and maybe get the parents into a parenting class. CPS' first resort is not always to take the children out of the home... they look for alternative ways to make the family work, so that would include mandatory drug testing and accountability for the parents. You can't put yourself in the position of being the children's saviour, unless you are willing to take on the full-time care of these kids. It is a major responsibility, in which you would have to take into account your own family and how taking in other children would impact your own. It is difficult when people don't take care of their own children, and you can see the children's care suffering- especially when you care about the kids and don't want to see anything happen to them. Your first priority is the care of the children though, so call CPS and get them involved.

Answer 3

it doesnt matter if they do drugs in front of the kids or not the problem is they do the drugs and they are not taking care of the children. If it is at a point where the kids are constantly sick then something has to be done...If these are school aged children and the school hasnt said anything about them being sick then i fault them...As far as you calling CPS but you cant take care of them...then what is the point once they are in the system do you think the parents will sober up....NOT... so what will that solve..if you truly care about the well being of these children then you would make a way to take care of them....if you decide to call CPS then just see if you can still be a part of their lives since they ask for you all of the time....Hope this works for you....Will pray for you and the children

Answer 4

I really think that you have a responsibility to report these parents. I know that you love the children, and I know that the situation is a difficult one. However, these children are being neglected. Right now, it's clothes and shoes, and occasionally medicine. As time goes on, though, the potential for serious problems will only increase. The parents use drugs. There are studies that show an increase in the likelihood of sexual abuse of children whose parents use drugs - not necessarily by the parents themselves, but by the parents' friends and acquaintances. Also, the kids probably know their parents are using drugs. The kids will be more likely to use drugs themselves - sometimes even at extremely young ages. And, since the kids are being neglected, there is a likelihood that these children will turn to whatever comfort they can find as they get older, seeking out attention from whatever sources they can get it from. That may mean that one of them could get sexually involved with a much older man or woman.

If you are a licensed care provider, you have a legal obligation to report these parents. If you aren't, then I think you have an ethical obligation. You say you love these children - that's great. Protect them. Report their parents. It may just be the kick in the pants that the parents need to kick their habits.

Answer 5

I agree with many of the others who answered this, you cannot, yourself, solve the problem. I would sit down and seriously speak to the parents about the neglectful way they are raising their children. Tell them that if you don't see improvement that you will call CPS and will serve as a witness if necessary. In the mean time, document what you see and what the children tell you.

Answer 6

oh my goodness. that is a tough situation. since it is an old friend, i would attempt to talk to them once more. but these children are not being taken care of properly, they are just children and should not be left to fend for themselves at such a young age. even though the drugs are not done in the childrens presence, the children are still being neglected. i would call cps and talk to them. it can be done without giving a name. maybe they can just go through counseling. but something should be done.

Answer 7

Unfortunately, you can't save the world. I would call CPS. If these children are being neglected by their parents, they shouldn't be with their parents. You should not be responsible for their needs to the extent that it seems you are. Calling CPS is very difficult, but sometimes the best thing for the kids and a wake-up call for the parents to straighten up.

Answer 8

Calling CPS may not help. I have personally been through this with my in-laws. Let the children know you love them but be careful about your interaction. Love alone can not raise them. Let the authorities know about the drugs...This will get you farther than CPS...It worked for me. When the heat was put on them they went to rehab...Father backslid and is now in jail...Mother is clean and getting help from the state...She is learning how to be a mother. Unfortanately not all people have the natural instincts. Although they were mad at first...She thanks me now!

Answer 9

this is a tough situation. i have a friend that is very much like your friend. i dont think that any advice in this situation would be the right advice. i have felt the same way that you feel (about calling the authorities). i know that you want to do the right thing for the little girls, but you also dont want to hurt your friend. the best thing to do, i think, would be to sit your friend down and have a heart to heart talk about their parenting. let them know that you aren't trying to hurt them but that they need to understand how much damage that they are causing their children and themselves. let them know that if they dont straighten up as parents, then you are going to have to do/say something to someone. if the children have to go and live with grandparents or whomever it would be better off then being mentally damaged by living in that household. good luck and i hope that i helped in some small way.l

Answer 10

That's a tough situation. I think it would be in the best interest if you just called CPS. You shouldn't have to take care of them and provide for them as much as you do, but up until now you've been the only one willing. Call CPS. As hard as it seems, it's the right thing to do.