What else we could do?

Question

What else we could do?
My 9 year old ( my husbands child but i adopted him) is a very strong willed and stubborn child. He does only what he likes when he likes and doesn't want to be imposed things or get grounded or banned from priviledges and when that happens he ignores and defy both me and his dad. He always wants to contradict what we say and push the limits and broke the rules. He gets counseling. He tried grounding and taking away priviledges but we can't take it anymore to fight with him hour by hour when he is grounded to keep him from tv, computer, games.

Answer 1

Well, I was going to suggest counseling but you've already gone there, but do you go for yourselves? Counseling can give you some great tools to help you deal better with him and his defiance. I'm going through something similar with my 8 y/o daughter. We started counseling this week and already it's helped.
For example, this morning she didn't want to get out of bed (which is an everyday occurance and she's so hateful about it). I told her that I was leaving in 45 minutes to take her to school and if she wasn't ready, she was going in her pj's, with messy hair, no breakfast and stinky breath, because I wasn't fighting with her. She got up and go ready on her own, and we actually left a few minutes early. :)
My best advice to you would be for all of you to seek counseling together. Best of luck to you!!!! I feel your pain.

Answer 2

My nine year old is the same way.... to an extent. She will try to argue with me or willfully defy me. You just have to be CONSISTENT! If you ground him from something, there are NO exceptions. BUT... that also means... you have to THINK before you ground him from something. If you ground him from the phone, knowing his grandma will call tomorrow and that you'll give in and let him talk... it's pointless. If you ground him from leaving the house for a week, knowing he has a birthday party to attend that you want him to go to... get my point?

Also... if you ground him from TV and he watches it anyway... take it away! Physically. Remove the tv/game/phone from his ROOM... hide the remote, etc. He needs to learn that he MUST face the consequences.

As far as arguing... I allow my daughter to disagree with me, but NOT to ARGUE. There is not other human being on this planet that is going to agree with me 100% of the time, nor do I believe that I am right 100% of the time (just 99%, lol). IF she does it respectfully and tactfully, she is allowed to question something I say. If I say it's bedtime, she's allowed to discuss the topic. If we can work out a "deal" that works for both of us, I usually will agree. Of course there's times when I will not, no matter how much sense her argument makes... I am still the mom. She also knows that if she flies off the handle from the start and whines/complains/yells, etc she will get nowhere.

At this age, physical punishment does little. Especially for a boy... since he's likely becoming as strong/stronger than you are! Taking away privileges works... but only if the privilege is one the child really cares about and also only if you are consistent. Grounded means grounded!

Good luck!

Answer 3

Dad needs to take a paddle to the bottom, and repeat til this youngster gets the idea that he is not in charge and can not have his way at will.

Secondly, you and the husband need to be in total agreement with your decisions, and then back up each other. Division amongst you two only strengthens the childs position to misbehave.
Set limits and clear standards for the child in what is expected of him and what the consequences of violation of the policy is. Explain that this is for his benefit, and not yours only. Then make sure he is in understanding of this fact.

Lastly, don't forget, he is probably in a form of rebellion due to the loss of a parent, (sounds like a divorce or death issue) and is frustrated and angry for this situation that he is now under. So spend time with him and get to know him and help him to deal with this mentally. It is not his fault, and he needs to know this.
Give him lots of hugs and affirmation that he is a great kid, and has so much potential.

That is my advise, hang in there, you have a duty to produce a great kid into our society, and we need strong will and respectable people to make us a great people.

Answer 4

spanking sounds like a good thing here. the child won't listen to reason, and sometimes extreme measures are warranted. it takes people out of their comfort zone and brings them back to reality. a 9-yr old should NOT, under any circumstances, be running the show.... he's been spoiled, and he needs to lose privileges - no more ipod, no more games, no more computer. take these things away and store them somewhere other than in the house.

Answer 5

why not try taking those things out of the house (t.v computer game systems) while he's at school that's what finally go my 8 yr old step daughter's attention then if he continues to defy you continue to take things out of his room till theres nothing left but a bed and a dresser I did it trust me it works and when he learns to start respecting you slowly start putting stuff back but the moment he defies you take it all back.... let him know that you're the parent and he is the child not the other way around and if all else fails buy yourself one of those wooden paddles and the rest is history

Answer 6

I know kids can be hard to handle and I can't answer this one specifically but hour by hour ? I keep it short, If they want to continue, they do it alone.
Also I saw something that said If you acknowledge there side of the argument, they simmer down.
example: I understand you don't like..........., then your point.
Works amazingly with any one at any age.
hope some of this helps

Answer 7

continue to discipline him but don't argue... there is nothing to argue about, you are the adult and make the rules, don't argue.
I am sorry for your situation, I have a child like yours.
There is no easy answer, and hopefully he will out grow it.

Answer 8

Sounds like this one needed his *** blistered a long time ago. Try it, you may find it really gets his attention.

Yea, yea...I know. A bunch of thumbs down from all you coddling parents & uber libs. Get over it.

Answer 9

It's time for the spank fairy to visit Bottyland. He has to learn the rules.

Answer 10

i dont know what to tell other then that my dad use to beat the crap out of me and that worked