I am a Pakistani American; I have been raised and brought up in the states. I was never born in Pakistan. I am an only daughter w/two brothers. I have had 2 arranged marriages that ended up in a divorce. My first husband was a psychotic, possessive, abusive person. I was married roughly for about 31/2 years, the end result I have a daughter with him (which he has never seen once). He was deported back to Pakistan when I was expecting (I was 22 yrs old). I stayed single for about 3 years after my first marriage fell apart. My parents received another marriage proposal for me, this guy was completely single but needed a green card and manipulated my folks for my hand (so in short he took advantage of my situation), as soon as I figured him out (we totally slept in separate rooms). I cancelled his INS paperwork, shortly after he disappeared on me. Its not the case, that I cant get a guy on my own, I am not awful looking (I always get hits from guys) – it was just that I was a good daughter to my parents and felt obligated to fulfill their wishes. Now, I just turned 28 a couple weeks ago, and feel that I should have the remote control of my life from now on and forever. I am single and dating someone for the past 2 months, which who is Pakistani (born and raised here) he is divorced also w/3 children (he has joint custody). When we both met, we decided not to speak of our past at all (it was his choice to decide this, he wanted to get to know me for who I am, without making any judgments of the past). For the past couple of weeks, he has been opening up about his past marriage, on why it failed. He has been noticing that I have been really quiet for some weeks, he has sensed that something is really bothering me, that I am keeping from him. Just last night, I told him about my 2nd arrange marriage, explained to him that it was more of a contract marriage. He listened, and said that he was hurt, that I didn’t tell him sooner. Not, the fact that I had an 2nd marriage, but, didn’t open this up to him, coz we spoke about everything that has happened in our lives. He said that he loves me, and what am I gonna do – if I have a third marriage….I told him, it will be totally on my decision, no more arrange marriages….he was just hurt, that I kept this from him for this long……what do u think is goin thru his mind?? PLEASE HELP
2006-11-17 07:29:45 · 5 answers · asked by fairytale_chic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Eventually if you want to have a serious relationship and marriage with this guy, everything is going to have to come out into the open. It won't be easy, but if he truely loves you he should be accepting of what has happened to you. Remind him that there was an agreement that the two of you made not to talk about the past and now that he has shared with you and you are understanding that you would like to be able to have the same reaction.
2006-11-17 07:36:01 · answer #1 · answered by kelsmo1971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's hurt that you didn't tell him this before is all. He sounds like he really cares for you and BTW you're two marriages are NO reflection on you. The first was unfortunate, and the second was a case of manipulation. Good luck!
PS He sounds like a nice guy.
2006-11-17 15:34:34 · answer #2 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he loves you, then it is that he is just hurt, so talk to him, and tell him that you were going to tell him but it needed to be on your own time that you were hurt from the marriage. Let him you do love him, and want to be with him, if you do and tell him from now on no more secrets
2006-11-17 15:37:57 · answer #3 · answered by goodlookin.mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is honestly a weird situation, possibly something that only he would be able to explain to you. You should just ask him, and if he really loves you, he will tell you what's wrong.
2006-11-17 15:34:06 · answer #4 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should run away. :)
2006-11-17 15:33:33 · answer #5 · answered by Lily 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋