Me and my boyfriedn have been together for five years. We met in a gothic club and we liked each other stright away. I have now moved on and I'm not a goth alternative girl anymore, but just a normal girl. My boyfriedn hasn't moved on yet...he doesn't have a job as he left his job and now he is trying do launch this alternative magazine about alternative lifetime....he doesn't have much money... I'm working and I'd like to settle down...I'd like him to have a job ,buy an house and starting becoming more mature....but every time I try to ask him about marriage he doesn't want to talk about it...he says he wants to marry me but then he never mention anything about it...I'm desperate and I don't know what to do as I love him...I don't want to leave him but I want a different life...please help me!!!
2006-11-17 06:58:22 · 13 answers · asked by Laura P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I think you need to sit down and tell him how you really feel about all of this. Tell him you love him and you are ready for the relationship to advance. You can not change him though. You met him and fell in love with him while you were both into 'goth'. You don't need to try and change him just because you have changed. If you don't like the way he is now, then end the relationship. If he is not ready to commit, then maybe you need to re-think what you are doing with this guy....will he be beneficial to your future....does he make you truly happy or just frustrate you. Good Luck.
2006-11-17 07:04:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend doesn't have a job and wants to start a magazine? Where does he intend to get the money to start this kind of magazine? Even John F. Kennedy with all of his money couldn't make a big success with the magazine he started.
You have grown, and he hasn't. I think you are wasting your time with this guy. I would say to move on, as he doesn't sound like he is marriage material. You could spend another 5 years with him, and still be in the same position you are in now.
Don't waste your life! It goes by too fast as it is. Find someone else you can be happy with and who has the same goals that you do. Good luck.
2006-11-18 00:50:41 · answer #2 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the reason he may not want to commit right now is because he is feeling really down about himself. I mean he doesn't have a job, doesn't have a lot of money and he is probably thinking he is trying to get this magazine going but its not going to work (in his eyes). He probably doesn't realize how much you love and want to be with him and to him, you probably deserve much better. He realizes, because he loves you, that you are a wonderful woman and deserve the best that life has to offer and he knows that right now he cannot provide that for you...it probably makes him really depressed. With you bringing up a wedding he thinks about not being able to afford the perfect ring or give you everything you want. It's not you...its really him. Just stick with him, love him, and cheer him on...be his biggest fan. In time it will all work out!! Good Luck!!
2006-11-17 07:41:26 · answer #3 · answered by Tiffany 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Think about it and figure out which is worth more to you: sticking around in hopes that he will "grow up" - it may not happen at all, it may happen in 5, 8, 10 years - OR ending the relationship and checking out the "dating scene" again in hopes of finding someone whos life and relationship goals are more closely matched to yours. Both options are gambles, but in different ways. Option B would be the one I'd choose, simply because it would give me more control over my choice of a mate; I would feel that waiting around for something that may or may not happen would jeopardize my chances of finding someone else in the future should this relationship fall apart because of his continuous immaturity. Five years is a long enough time to figure out what one wants to do with their life. The choices that he's making would indicate to me that it would be a losing proposition to be waiting for him to change. Women don't have as much time as men, reproductively speaking; a guy can father kids when he's in his 60s, but we don't have this luxury, so we need to make up our mind quicker.
2006-11-17 08:42:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Laura, you already have a different life. You clearly have grown apart, you grew, he didn't. Sorry if that sounds cruel but it is so obvious.
It sounds like you are just "used" to him, not that you have anything in common anymore, five years ago is a long time, you've moved on, grown up, he hasn't.
I beleive that you want to get married but not to him. You like the idea of marriage and settling down, but not with him. Try to take the emotion out of it, easier said than done I know, but think about what it is about HIM that would make you want to spend a life time with him or have him be the father of your children....bet it will be a very short list. Time to move on, good luck to ya...
2006-11-17 07:28:09 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is no leverage in the world strong enough to make somebody else change. The only person whose behavior you can absolutely, surely change is your own.
I think that if you want to marry a man who has a good job, wants to buy a house and raise a family, you need to date a man who has those things are priorities. Trying to change your current boyfriend into that man is a useless waste of effort. As the old song goes, "ya gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em..." I think you need to fold your cards in this relationship, cut your losses and start looking for a man whose goals and ambitions are on track with your own.
Good luck.
2006-11-17 07:33:39 · answer #6 · answered by Karin C 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you care about him a lot if you consider marrying him, so be careful when thinking about leaving him, if you do make sure its what you really want to do.
It seems he has maturity issues. We all have those stages when we want to be a rock star, astronaut, or in his case a magazine publisher. But he cannot do it without money and sooner or later he will learn this. he has to grow up. You have the right to demend that and he shoud respond if he loves you.
2006-11-17 07:09:21 · answer #7 · answered by Robert B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are asking the guy to change who he is... huge mistake.
If you liked him them and don't like him now, then you should reconsider yoru choice since you are looking for something that he is not.
Don't waste your youth waiting for him to change or see the light, It won't happen. You both will be miserable , you trying to change him and making him feel inadequate, and him putting up with it.
Besides, he already told you that he is not interested in marriage. Move on, he is not what you want.
Good luck
2006-11-17 09:03:05 · answer #8 · answered by Blunt 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if he won't commit and doesn't want to talk about it or bring it up on his own, he doesn't want to get married. he's just not that into you anymore and is hanging on out of habit and convenience. you need to be the one to make the break and move on.
2006-11-17 08:26:41 · answer #9 · answered by Stevie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's one thing I've learned....you can't make men change and you can't make them mature. I'm sorry, it's a sad reality. Tell him you're not happy, if he doesn't care enough about your feelings then you need to leave him.
2006-11-17 08:01:35 · answer #10 · answered by Jay 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋