I'm 22 and waiting until I'm married to have sex. I'm currently dating a girl who has lived with a guy, slept in the same bed as him and had sex several times with him over 2 years. She's only 20. She's a Christian now though but I can't get over the fact that she has been with another guy intimately!!! Are there any guys who are or have been in my similar situation? What helped you get over that? I need some real, Christian guy advice. Serious answers only please.
2006-11-17 06:41:27 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First of all, as a fellow brother in Christ, I want to commend you on your commitment to save sex for marriage. Too often we see people today giving into the pleasure of a few minutes, only to suffer a lifetime of pain and hurt in the future.
I don't normally answer questions on here, but the situation you are in is too similar to mine for me to ignore.
I have been a Christian all my life, and constantly seek to glorify Him by living and dedicating my life to Him. I also believe that sex is the ultimate expression of physical love, and is the most special gift anyone can present to the person that they want to dedicate the rest of their life to. If someone commits premarital sex, they are giving that gift away, and tarnishing any future romantic relationships they may have.
Now, obviously, I am a virgin; and am extremely proud of this fact. I cannot wait to let my future wife know that I've saved myself for her. Instead of channeling my energy and resources to fulfill sexual needs, I instead look to strengthen my character and serve others.
But I've recently fallen for this girl.... She's a born again Christian, who was saved this past summer. However, her previous life was filled with sin, as she drank and had sex with guys before me, enough guys to number on 2 hands.
I was so devastated when I found out. I was literally torn because I only had one romantic relationship before this point, and had only gone as far as a kiss.
Needless to say, I was more than a little hurt. In fact, I don't believe anything or anyone else hurt me as much as she did when she told me that.
I was ready to just end things at that point.
But then I remembered. If God, who is the only one who is perfect and holy, can forgive us for all our sins without judgment, who are we to judge others and use their past against them. If she really came to God after her mistakes of the past, and surrendered herself to his forgiveness and mercy, then she is literally, emotionally, and spiritually a new person.
God calls us to forgive one another, and if a perfect God can forgive our sins, both past and current, without question (as long as we are sincere!) and love us with the greatest love of all; shouldn't we as Christians (who are also guilty of sin) replicate that love toward one another?
I'm not saying it's easy. My heart aches and burns daily from the suffering that her past brings to me. But I trust that God will allow us to overcome this obstacle, and allow our relationship to prosper. As the first guy she even kissed after God came into her life, I know that she's changed.
I'm going to continue to trust in God that He will allow me to get over her past; because who she is now is someone who makes me happy and has allowed me to experience love.
If you really love your girlfriend, pray about it. She's a new person now, she has Jesus in her.
Please keep Jesus Christ in the center of your life and of your current relationship. That's the only way that your relationship will be able to reach it's true potential.
Be blessed.
In Him....
2006-11-17 07:16:47 · answer #1 · answered by 2Good2BTru 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well, everyone has a past. That part of your life is over. If a guy would pass you up for the sole reason that you have done things in the past, I'd say that guy is not worth your time. But as a whole, most of the Christian guys I've encountered would understand where you're coming from and like you for who you are inside. That's all that really matters.
2016-05-21 23:14:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was 32 and still a virgin. I met my wife online. She was previously married (obviously not a virigin). How I got over it was this way...
Have you ever done something you shouldn't have? Of course you have. Have you been forgiven of the bad things you have done? Yup. Then why should you hold her past against her. If you have concern she is unfaithful then that's different but she slept with someone she loved. It's not like she was a whore she was being genuine with her man. I saw it as, how much do I love her? Does it matter that I am not her first? To be quite honest, being her second was a lot simplier because there was not two people feeling strange that night but rather one person trying to figure out how to make it work. I don't even think about it now. When she mentions her ex I am actually taken aback that I have thought she was always mine.
Be tolerant of her errors in the past because God has taught us to do the same thing he did for us.
2006-11-17 06:48:00 · answer #3 · answered by kyrie_eleison_gr 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hi, I am not a guy, but I'm in the same situation as you. I'm a girl and I'm 19 and a Christian as well. I'm saving myself for marriage and every guy I have dated has had past experience, while I haven't. I find it very hard to get over the fact too, but as long as they are Christian, I realize that we all are not perfect and make mistakes. God has forgiven and cleansed them, and we are not to judge since we are all the same in God's eyes. I suggest praying about it and remembering how we are all cleansed as white as snow when we become Christians! I find it very hard to find guys with the same morals and values as me, which is a stumbling block for me in the dating world. But, don't worry and keep your faith and strong values, and give this girl a shot if y'all are truly meant to be, it will happen!! God has a plan for you, be strong and patient and God bless you! :)
2006-11-17 06:52:48 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
forgive her for she is not perfect... Everyone makes mistakes... But if she's a christian an still having sex with this guy than dump her... She's not for you. It's good to hear that some people are still virgins over 18 and waiting for the right one.
2006-11-17 06:52:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm Christian, but not a guy. Did she accept Christ AFTER all that's happened? If she did, then she looked past all that, and you should too. It's already happened and it's what's happening now that's important. I understand if it's hard for you not to think about it, but just try to focus on her NOW and not what she did.
2006-11-17 06:45:09 · answer #6 · answered by Beebee07 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
dude you have to just let wat happened before you met her pass and focus on the present.
2006-11-17 06:45:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋