i need new punishment ideas for my 2 1/2 year old!?

Question

im a mother of 4 girls.my 3 rd daughter thinks shes all that and don't like to share wih others she is so mean to her older sisters and baby sister .Her baby sis is 5 months.I tried spankings, i tried to put her to bed, i also tried talking to her. and i believe there is no more punishments for her. Any ideas?

Answer 1

This is a really big question, and I have a really big answer. You don’t need punishment ideas, you need discipline ideas. Punishing her for her misbehaviors are ways for you to control her, not a ways for her to learn self control. In order for her to learn self control, she needs to be disciplined.

She is definitely trying to find ways to get your attention, be it positive or negative, it’s still attention. She is also trying to feel powerful. She was the center of your world and now she has to share you with a new baby. Help her to feel powerful and give positive attention. Say things like “You did that by yourself!” “Look how high you can climb!” “You ran super fast!” “You used so many colors on you picture!” These intrinsic motivators are much more effective than extrinsic rewards (“Good job!”, stickers, candy). These phrases will help her to feel very confident, powerful, and are great ways to show attention.


Make sure you spend a little extra time with her when the baby is sleeping, read her a story, do an art project together, have her help you make a snack or prepare dinner. Also, have her help you with the baby. She can pick out the baby’s outfit, sing to the baby, get a diaper. She will feel proud to help and feel proud to be a big sister.

Always use natural and logical consequence for her misbehaviors. Taking away a toy or privilege when she is misbehaving is not a natural or logical consequence. Here are some examples of natural and logical consequences. If she throws a toy, it gets put away. If she spills her milk, she wipes it up. If she wants to be loud, she gets put into an area where she can be loud until she’s ready to speak softly. If she is mean to her sister or misbehaving, get down to her level and say “I do not like when you (explain what and why), gently take her to a quiet place and say “When you are ready to (listen, calm down, be gentle…) then you can come back. This is not a time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling her). She can return when she is ready to control herself. Let the discipline fit the crime. Using natural and logical consequences makes much more sense to a child rather than punishments. They are less likely to become angry, and more likely to comply.

Empathize with her when he has calmed down. “I can tell you were feeling very (mad, angry, upset, hurt, sad, left out, frustrated). What can we do about that?” Do some problem solving and give her words to use. She will then learn to better express himself.

When it comes to her sharing, think of it this way. A lot of parents expect their child to share but do you? It’s hard to share! Would you loan your neighbor your new necklace or car? What if you were forced? How would you feel? It's essentially the same thing for children when it comes to their prized possessions. They don't want to share them either! If you force your child to share, it will only cause anger and resentment. Sharing is something that should come from the heart. I teach preschool and in my classroom this is what works. A child can use something for as long as they want. When they put it away another child can use it. The children understand the ways of our classroom and accept this. You can talk to your child in ways so that they can see another child’s point of view. "It looks like Emma really likes your toy. I bet she would like to play with it too. Maybe when you're finished she can play with it." These words may help your child empathize with the other child and they may share. Have your child pick out some things that they are willing to share and put away the things they do not want to share. Remember not to force it. Let it come from the heart.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. Pick you battles! You can say “Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?” "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 2

She is in control - you need to take it back. First decide on 1 punishment and increase the severity - I like time out - If she has a favorite toy first put it on time out (5-10 min use a timer) then give her a time out for the same amount of time if she doesn't change her behavior. After the time out (either one or both) talk about why it happened and how to stop it happening again. For example she yells at her siblings - time out toy- she calms down now you tell her if she doesn't yell she gets to keep the toy. When She is good or helpful praise her efforts a little extra and thank her for being so good. By reinforcing good behavior she will learn that is a better way to get attention. Part of the problem is competition with 4 girls and one being an infant she is probably feeling abandoned and is acting out to feel some sort of attention-hey negative is better than none. Try working on playing games that involve all the girls like clay play, finger painting, and singing together. You can all sing while chores are being done - like Whistle While you Work or whatever you like. Also try to sit with them and read a story - if you can get a sitter once a week have a mommy and me day where you just take one out to the park or window shopping, the library, botanical garden or museum for 1 - 2 hours it will go along way to making you all feel less trapped. Good Luck!

Answer 3

I know just what you are going through. My son will be 2 in January and he just does NOT listen and nothing makes an impression on him. I have tried spanking and he doesn't seem to care, he just does it again. I have tried "time out" and that has only confirmed my idea that it is a total waste of time. He could care less if you take a toy away because he'll just find him another one. I feel like I have no control over him during the day when it is just me and him alone. In fact he is just as bad when his big sister gets home from school. But when his dad is home, he is like a totally different kid and his dad doesn't believe me when I tell him how he acts. I don't remember my daughter ever being this bad! It is very exhausting and frustrating.

Sorry I don't really have any advice for you. As you can see I am in the same boat. But thanks for letting me get that off my chest!

Good luck!

Answer 4

If you've runout of punishment "ideas" then try giving up punishment. Punishment is the least effectivemethod of discipline. In a family of twelve, for a 2.5 year old, I think interrupting the negative behaviorand putting the child ina location (like an empty corner or playpen) where she cannot misbehave worked the best. Make sure you do not remove her from action for more than a couple fo minutes. People say "spanking works" but if you are hitting her for hitting - it doesn't make any sense.
Increase positive reactions to positive behavior, decrease punishment, and ignore non-destructive behaviors.

Answer 5

Have you tried taking away privileges. If she loves to watch Dora, then as soon as she misbehaves, tell her, "no more Dora." This works best if the bad behavior occurs while she's watching Dora. Then you just turn the TV off so she can see immediate consequences. At this age, you can't punish them later, because they will have forgotton what they did wrong in the first place.

Also, at this age, sharing is a foreign concept. Try telling her to take turns. That's a concept that she should be able to understand.

I have a 2 1/2 year old also and when I don't give him positive attention (like praise for sitting quietly when asked to do so), then he does stuff to get negative attention. You have 4 children so I can understand that you have very little time. But if you catch her doing something good, go overboard with praise. Once she associates your praise with good behavior, she won't want to misbehave.

Hope that helps and good luck!

mari

Answer 6

The sharing thing is the same problem I have with my 2 1/2 year old...it is normal stage of development unfortunately. I use time outs for the toys that the kids are fighting over. The toy goes into a basket until they will share or have forgotten about it.

I also have a 3 month old and my son is sometimes mean to him as well. I have begun to use a treat jar with him that has helped curb bad behavior. In the morning I put a handful of small candies, toys, stickers, whatever into it. Each time that he is bad an item is removed. At the end of the day he gets whatever is left. (I sometimes use items he has around, but has forgotten about...it still works)

Answer 7

Try sticking with one thing each time. Instead of trying something different every time you get the same behavior, use the same punishment.

And be consistant about when you punish. Dont punish after youve asked her ten times to share and be nice, punish her the moment she misbehaves. If you know you have taught her how to behave, then you can hold re responsible for that knowledge.

She is a toddler though, and you should remind her throughout the day BEFORE she is playing with her sisters, or acting poorly. Remind her that she must play nice or she will get a spanking and not be able to play at all. Remind her that nice girls love their sisters, or that good girls arent mean.

Switching punishments, or punishing AFTER you've begged, asked, or reminded her to act right only leads to confusion and inconsistancy.

Punish first, remind her again after.

Answer 8

Please don't put the child on the refrigerator, you do not want to teach them by terrifying them. Check out the book below which gives some good guidelines to discipling toddlers in a loving way they will understand. Two year olds are hard, not only do they think the world is all about them they have a hard time controlling their emotions. If you provide a specific example of a situation where you need discipline I would give you an example of how I would handle it (just to give you some ideas).

Answer 9

You sure do have your hands full. Tough job so I don't mean this as critizium, been there myself. But I smell jealousy. Is she getting enough one on one. Older kids can be overshadowing & with a young baby. Does she feel squeezed. Do you have somebody who might lend a hand, like a gramma, who might be able to take her for a few hrs. by herself & give her a little one on one. Know if I remember correctly there were days there was just not enough hrs. & you are only human. Remember Grammas love those little guys too & she may make a difference. If she or even an aunt is handy don't be afraid to talk too them. Might help you as well. Good luck.

Answer 10

You need to be consistent with the type of punishment you use. In my experience time out works if used especially if the other children get to play while she has to sit it the corner I would also encourage you to talk to her about what she has done and make it clear that it is not excepted and always make her apologize before returning to playing. I am a mother of 4 year old twins and this has seemed to work for me good luck I hope this helps.