I'm hosting dinner for the first time. My brother says he's coming, but isn't sure if he'll bring his son. One cousin hasn't responded to my phone invite, and another hasn't responded to my email. An aunt hasn't said yes or no. It'll either be 4 for dinner, or 8, so I'm kind of feeling sad that I have so few people to invite. Are people waiting for better things to do, or do they figure they'll just show up? Are they rude, or is this standard behavior? Opinions?
2006-11-17 05:46:53 · 10 answers · asked by Sabine É 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I don't know what is wrong with people today! An invitation deserves a yes or no answer. People don't respond to RSVPs and get so evasive about whether they can come or not.
I would call them again, and say you need a definite answer so you know how much food to prepare. If they still don't know, I'd tell them maybe next year you can be together. If that is the way you want to handle it.
In my family, there are just 6 of us for all holidays, unless my daughter invites other people. Last year, there were 10 of us. It never would matter if another 4 people showed up, because we always fix the same amount of food! My daughter and I both want a lot of left-overs, so we cook enough. Whether it's turkey or ham or whatever, most people like to have enough for other meals.
So I would give them another call and hope for the best. Fix plenty of food for all, and if people show up that you weren't expecting, just be gracious and have a good time. This is family, and you don't want to have bad feelings between you.
Have a nice Thanksgiving!
2006-11-17 08:36:15 · answer #1 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People that haven't taken the time and forethought to plan a really nice get-together don't realize what it takes to plan and prepare. My family sometimes does things like that. If you're absolute latest date to find out if they can attend is on, let's say, Tuesday (so you can do shopping on Wednesday), call the non-responders on Monday night. Explain that you need a yes or no so you can shop, cook, decorate, etc.---mention it all. If they still can't give you a "yes", tell them that you're sorry they won't be able to joint you and that "There is always next year". Hang up and don't give it another thought. Prepare your meal etc. for those who planned and have committed to spend the holiday with you.
However, one of the non-committers may show up on your doorstep. If or when they show up, tell them that you are so sorry that they couldn't give you a definite answer when you called and that you truly plan for them to attend. You can greet your undecided guest if they show up and explain that you hadn't planned on any additional guests (which they made themselves by not "planning" to attend). You can say that they are more than welcomed to come back later for dessert and coffee (and give them a time to return). You may think that might be a rude thing to do, but it is not. Uncomfortable? yes. Rude? no. They were rude by not giving you a yes or no in the first place, but you are not being rude.
Be sure to have your table set with the exact number of place settings for the confirmed attendees - you could even prepare place/name cards (if someone at your entrance door can see your dining table before they walk in, this will help). They will see your beautiful table and you can explain that you hadn't prepared for any additional guests. If they can't see your dining table, do not invite them in. If you do, you've just re-invited them to dinner and now you need to scrounge around for additional grub, a dinner setting and chair!!!
2006-11-17 07:27:26 · answer #2 · answered by whadda-dingo-gal 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To not reply to any invitation is always rude and inconsiderate. I agree with following up one more time with a phone call, but...count only on the ones who verbally respond. Set the table accordingly.
If someone is actually rude enough to just show up, don't respond with rudeness. Invite them in, be surprised at their presence and set another place at the table. But, just in case this does happen....throw an extra tater in the pot beforehand. Can't hurt to have a few leftovers.....better than ticked off relatives!
Good Luck! Happy Thanksgiving!
2006-11-17 07:53:57 · answer #3 · answered by Rembrandt11 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd give your brother a deadline - say you're getting food in next week so you need to know by Sunday if his son is coming.
Has your cousin definitely got your e-mail? It may have been caught by a spam filter, their computer might be broken, they might have been caught up at work and not checked their personal e-mail. They may have meant to reply but it has then slipped their mind. I'd give that cousin a phone, again you can just say it's because you need to firm up numbers.
The one you already phoned did you speak to them or just leave a message? If it was just a message then again something may have presented them from getting it - power cut etc. I'd give another call.
TBH with this kind of thing I'd tend to mention it on the phone, email or whatever but follow it up with a little note asking for a RSVP. You can make it chatty and just say that you'ld love to see them on the day, and can they let you know by x date if they can come. Just so you can make the day as special as you can.
Remember it's just one day and don't get too stressed about it. Happy Thanksgiving when it comes.
2006-11-17 05:59:52 · answer #4 · answered by the_wrabbit 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Do one more phone call to each of them now and tell them you need the body count because you are about to do your shopping for groceries.
Be polite but let them know this is their final chance to be in on the dinner count.
Yes, unfortunately, many people are flaky so gently draw your line in the sand and work off of the definite yes.
2006-11-17 06:01:56 · answer #5 · answered by kate 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i'm thinking maybe since your invites were so informal that people probably aren't really feeling the need to RSVP....i would just call everyone and say "i need a final head count...can i count you in?"
...and don't be sad that you have so few people to invite...there are undoubtedly people who will be completely alone
2006-11-17 06:30:22 · answer #6 · answered by SNAP! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dinner for 4 it is. If you get no reply, do not cook extra in case they show up.
2006-11-17 07:30:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
they may have forgotten to reply....and/or they may just show up..gl..this Thanksgiving it is only going to be my daughter her fiance & me..we moved to Texas 3+ yrs ago from Minnesota so all other family is there, Arizona & Washington..am going to MN end of the yr so just staying here 'til then....but few or lots of ppl
it can still be a GREAT Thanksgiving!!!!!!
2006-11-17 06:07:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, people are not taught etiquette anymore. They just don't know any better. They care more about themselves than you. That's a shame.
2006-11-17 07:01:48 · answer #9 · answered by sheeny 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would call everyone again. Don't send an email.
2006-11-17 06:31:26 · answer #10 · answered by KathyS 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋