I am dating a guy and we seem 90% compatiable. I know that he smokes pot. I don't know how often, but he has told me that he does. I don't want to be with someone who does this because I think it is self-destructive and it is illegal. I feel like if I ask him about it he will not tell me the truth and will only hide it from me if we enter a serious relationship. I don't want to be demanding with him and tell him that it has to stop. I really like him but this pot habit of his seems to be the one bad thing about him that keeps popping up in my mind. Is it worth it to ask him about it? Is it worth it to offer an ultamatum..he has to choose the pot or me?
2006-11-17 05:24:01 · 15 answers · asked by R_H_P 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hmmm..... If pot is an issue I would ask.()
2006-11-17 05:26:06 · answer #1 · answered by Saint 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him the same thing you told us but I have one thing to say.........never ever give a man an ultimatum because you will lose! I was recently in your situation so this story sounds way too familiar. If you give him an ultimatum, I guarantee you he will choose POT! He was doing it before you came into the picture and he will not give it now. I'm serious. I would just tell him how you feel but by the looks of it, you might as well go ahead and break up with him if it bothers you this much. I gave my ex a chance knowing that I hated smokers (let alone pot smokers) and from that experience, I can say it was not a good one. I hate the smell, the sight of it, the process of "twisting" it. The whole thing made me sick. I had to leave the room, just so he could smoke. It got on my nerves and then I started judging him. Anyway if you know you cannot deal with a pot smoker, end the relationship NOW! I promise you it will not work!!
2006-11-17 13:31:43 · answer #2 · answered by melcar12345 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you said it yourself, "I don't want to be with someone who does this because I think it is self-destructive and it is illegal. I feel like if I ask him about it he will not tell me the truth and will only hide it from me if we enter a serious relationship." Being honest is VERY crucial to a relationship and only in time will you know if he wil tell you the truth. I recommend that you ask him and ask he stop it. Like you said its illegal and self-destructive and you care about him and if he cares about you enough, he wil quit. Then if you find out he is lying, then thats when you decide if you want a life like that. The risk of the ultimatum is up to you in if you want to live a lie or live with someone that does pot! I bet you aren't the type that want a lie or pot, so I guess the answer is clear. There are guys that don't do drugs in the world, its just if you want to wait for the one that is over 90 % compatible or just settle with what you have. Good Luck!
2006-11-17 13:35:12 · answer #3 · answered by kevin T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well to get the truth out of him you could just ask him about it but in a way so he "thinks" it doesn't bother you at all. Then maybe, just maybe, you'll get the truth and can make a decision whether you can stay with him or not. But remember, he could still be lying. But if you come at him with it as if it does bother you, he will definitely lie about it. It obviously bothers you alot so just ask him calmly to be straight with u.
2006-11-17 13:30:18 · answer #4 · answered by Yen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if pot were legal,would you still be dating him? better smoking pot than being an alcoholic. if you do not like this vice than give him that ultimatum. Then good luck finding a someone without a vice.
2006-11-17 13:40:16 · answer #5 · answered by BONES 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't agree with smoking pot then you should break up with him. The more serious the relationship becomes the harder it will be when he is smoking & you don't want him to. Don't compromise your beliefs or true feelings.
2006-11-17 13:33:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you kidding??? pot is not self-destructive or at least not for me.. damm girl you need to lighten up seriously. Many people smoke it and have no problem... wait wait hold you ether must be 12 or you grow up in rich suburbia. yeah it all makes sense now OK
2006-11-17 13:27:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some things are worth an ultimatum - just be prepared to lose on this one.
You're right about him hiding it from you - if you try to talk about it with him, he will.
You either need to join him or leave. My opinion: leave now, before it gets too painful.
2006-11-17 13:31:07 · answer #8 · answered by 40yomama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him ultimatum and leave him b/c he will never leave pot and would like to keep u as well.
2006-11-17 13:56:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were a betting person, I would bet money that he will not stop for you. He will stop if & when he wants to.
Better turn this one loose honey!
2006-11-17 13:28:09 · answer #10 · answered by wwjd 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋