Courting a Girl who is attached?

Question

Things are getting complicated.
Firstly I'm going after someone who is a year+ older than me.
Secondly, she has a boyfriend of many years. (3 or 4 perhaps)

We've been together for months(emotionally and sexually). Sometimes i feel like a b@stard to go in between them. The same goes for her. Although I wish...but never will I demand that she break off with her bf. Can sense her dilemma from her face at times, when we discuss about this issue.

On moral grounds, we clearly know this is not right. We're getting too deep and neither want to let go. But the day will come where an absolute decision has to be made.

Because I can't foresee the future... thats why I dont know whether to hangon or to let go.
I'm stuck in choosing the path to do something that is socially acceptable OR to do something that follows my heart desires/

Advise anyone?

Answer 1

LET GO. She is never going to leave him. Why leave if she can have you both? There's obviously something in you that she is missing from the other man (and vice versa) which is why she keeps you both around. Aside from this, if she does leave him, how can you ever trust that she won't cheat on you when she gets "bored" with you? I think you deserve much more than this. Get out now and find a quality woman with more respect for herself (and for you) than to sleep with 2 men and deceive them both. If you thought more of yourself, you would certainly not put up with this for another day. You should demand more than to be "the number 2 choice" to anyone.

Answer 2

Now, you know you're doing wrong - read over your statements carefully. You really do not need advice - you have the answer. What I think is that you want someone else to spell it out for you because you are not taking the responsibility yourself.

Come on! You said "she has a boyfriend of many years"; "things are geting complicated"; "can sense her dilemma from her face at times"; "on moral grounds, we know this is not right." Be a man, okay!

Whatever your age, you obviously know better and you ought to do just that. Both of you are in this thing together, so both of you must do take the honorable course of action. Either she breaks off the old relationship and you two get it on or, get out of her life and let her go back to her boyfriend.

Ironically, you call 'him' her 'boyfirend'!! So, in fact, you are quite satisfied with being the 'other' man or boy.

Question is, do you love her - really love her? I hope you can answer that honestly because three lives are at stake here, not just yours. Whatever your decision, remember that!

Answer 3

You get yourself out of that situation NOW. Simply tell her you both know this is not right and you have realized you just cannot do it anymore. Tell her you know she is confused about the other guy and you need to give her space to figure out what SHE really wants for HERSELF without you being in the middle of it. Tell her not to call you for at least a few weeks, she has to deal with the relationship she is already in first.

BE A REAL MAN by being 100% on this, do not answer her calls, do not call her back, if she wants you she has to leave the boyfriend first. No self-respecting individual wants to be the "other" person someone is cheating with. If she wants to be with you she's gotta be WITH YOU. Don't be an emotional wimp, be strong and don't settle for being cheated-with.

Answer 4

First off, if the two of you are already having sex, then it isn't courting anymore. Second, you have to put yourself in her shoes. Does she live with the other man? Does he pay any of her bills or offer her any other type of financial security (or ANY kind of security) and she may even be scared of leaving him (if he's a psycho)

Regardless, you need to sit her down and ask her what her plans are for your relationship, and you need to let her know that stepping your way is the best decision for her.

Forget the whole 'socially acceptable' idea - society generally is hypocritical. Follow your heart and you won't have any regrets

Answer 5

Hard 2 answer this w/o knowing how she feels about you and leaving her bf 4 u.It is hard not to b honest to someone but even harder when ur not being honest 2 urself.U may want to lay low w/both and ask urself why you are seeking a wmn outside of ur relationship.This usually lies within a person and is acted out with others as what ur doing by seeing both wmn.In other wrds u need to take time to center urself and ask urself what it is u really find important when it comes to the opposite sex.Good luck...

Answer 6

I say if they are not married they are game, but you are right a decision needs to be made. It is still wrong for the two of you guys to have a relationship while she is in a committed relationship to someone else. I think you two crossed a line. There is a difference between wooing her away from her boyfriend and then just cheating. If she hasn't left him yet she probably has no intention to. Meanwhile she is having her cake and ice cream too. I would move on if you haven't wooed her away from her boyfriend yet.

Answer 7

While you will get many posts about how you shouldn't be doing this and it's wrong I'm not a person that thinks like that. In my opinion if she was getting what she needed from her current boyfriend she wouldn't need you. You need to talk to her and ask her why she is with you and him at the same time. If you guys are in love then she will need to choose at some point. You aren't doing anything wrong b/c it is hard enough to find someone you love so if she is the one and is attached at the time too bad for him. I think you should talk to her about where this is going and try to get her to leave him.

Answer 8

You aren't 'courting' her - you're just messing around with her. Courting is far more than what the two of you are doing. You deserve more and so does she. But right now its seems neither of you believe this.

Why do you want to contemplate a serious relationship with someone who is willing to cheat on her longtime boyfriend.

If she's not satisfied in her current relationship she should 'man-up' and cut the ties.

To me it simply sounds like both of you are just getting your kicks and once the excitement dies down you won't find this 'game' as appealing.

You aren't following your heart or desires - if you were you'd know that you deserve a whole woman not just half of her in the midnight hour. What goes around comes around - I just hope both of you wise up before it comes back around to you.

Answer 9

It sounds to me like you two are very much involved emotionally. The question is does she love you enough and feel secure enough with you.

The problem might be that her current relationship offers stability and security. If she breaks off that relationship for you and it doesnt work out what does she do then.

I think that the two of you need to seriously discuss these aspects. As long as she is with the other person she cannot commit herself to you fully.

I wish you luck in resolving these issues.

Answer 10

Your heart lacks the brain you need to make a smart decision. Use your head. Get out of this ridiculous triangle. A lying cheating ho-bag isn't your best bet in a woman. And if you tell the next woman about your past, she might question your morals and values.