In your opinion, when is the time right?

Question

This is not really an "advice" question, more of a survey I guess. I'm 20 years old and very excited to be reaching the period in my life when I can begin to make my family. My boyfriend is older than me (34) but we are very much in love and very happy together. What I am interested in knowing is when other people had their first children and what their situation was, plus how they feel about it now.
1) How old were you and your partner when you first conceived? Married, dating, one time thing?
2) What was your financial situation at the time? Were you confident that you could provide adequate support?
3) Was it planned or unplanned?
4) In general, how do you feel about it? Do you regret not waiting longer, or was it everything you wanted and more?

I'm not looking for judgements or advice for myself, I just want to begin to formulate my own plan for raising a family. Thanks to anyone who responds!!!

Answer 1

1) We were married at 21. I had my first child before I turned 22.
2) The financial situation was ok. We both were working. Had we sat down and financially planned it I don't think we ever would of had children. Somehow you just manage your budget and do it.
3) Like I mentioned above it was not planned. Some "times" may be better than others to have children, but I don't think there is a universal "right" time.
4) Do I regret not waiting...absolutely not. We call our first child our aloha baby because we never did make it to Hawaii (as planned) that first year...but I never, ever look back and think I should have done it any differently.

Good luck and many blessings when you do begin your family!

Answer 2

I was 20 when I had my first son(unplanned!) and single. It was definatly difficult financially and emotionally but I had my families support and was very self sufficent and am very glad. I had baby #2 after I was married at age 23 and planned every step of conception. Even though it was planned and I was married and more financially secure there was not a lot of differences. I think if you want a child and are mature enough to be willing to put the child first above yourself and responsible enough to look after the child financially and emotionally then it is the right time. There is never enough money or time for things and we can only do our best. I am glad I had my kids at a young age becouse now that I am closing in on 40 I am young enough to "hang" with them and understand them better than if I were 10 or 20 years older. Also they will soon be on there own and I will still be young enough to have a second chance at enjoying my life and young enough to keep up with my grandchildren when they come along. I personally would hate to be in my 50's or 60's with teenager kids!

Answer 3

I was 27 and he was 30. We had been married one year. We were both in grad school (I dropped out due to debilitating morning sickness) The pregnancy was unplanned but not a huge shock (not so good with taking the pill). We had some serious credit card debt and that made me very nervous. In the end, we are SO HAPPY about our children. I am glad we didn't wait any longer because I have friends that waited and waited until everything was just right and either had a hard time getting pregnant and delivering baby or are way too tired to care for small children at 40+. It is really important to be married though. It is a lot easier to stay together and weather the rough times with that kind of commitment.

Answer 4

1. 17 and 19 (husband)--Married. I was already out on my own at 16, graduated, and close to my degree.

2. Yes, we were very confident. We were doing our best at the time, my cousin (3yrs at the time) was living with us, we provided for both him and ourselves and we had money to spare for things we wanted. So when we had my son it went more toward thing he needed--but we still have plenty money to spend on us.

3. A little bit of both. We didn't use condoms or birth control. We knew that I was going to get pregnant but it was a matter of when. We didn't chart or plan for it to happen, we just waited to see.

4. Everything I wanted and more! I love my boys. I would do anything and everything for my family. If I could do it all over again I'd do it the same way. We live well. We have everything we need and more!

Answer 5

The only regret I have is not waiting until I was a little older, but it wasn't planned so I guess their wasn't a whole lot I could do. And yes I was on birth control when I got pregnant. I was 16 and I kept the baby, over 10 years later I am married to his father and we are happy, But I think we are one of the lucky ones. If you think your love will last, the only thing I would recommend is to get married first, and wait about 1 year after to have a baby. Get use to being married first. If I could do it over, that's what I would want.

Answer 6

1) My hubby and I have been married 4.5 years. He's 25, I'm almost 27. We've been a couple for almost 8 years now. We just started trying to concieve our first child last December '05. Still trying!
2) Our finacial situation is okay, not shining start perfect, but how many people can say it's perfect anyway? We have our own home and are indepdent, I think that's enough.
3) As stated above, we're planning it.
4) I can't wait until we have our first baby!!!

Answer 7

1 I was 28 and married. Commitment is really important.
2. We had bills and it was sometimes tough but the child got everything she needed.
3. Unplanned
4. I wish I was married a little longer. My daughter was born 2 years from the wedding pretty much to the day.

At 20, I was in college and working part time. By 21 I was working full time and experiencing life, dating, going out with friends, enjoying my freedom and youth. i know you didn't ask for advice but don't settle down yet..you will miss out on alot of things.

Answer 8

1) I was 20 and my husband was 19.
2) Our financial situation wasn't very good at the time but we managed.
3) Planned.
4) Sometimes I think we should have waited but we have a beautiful 34 month old girl and a sweet 7 month old boy. We couldn't be happier.

Answer 9

1) i was 19 years old. due to complications, i left him.

2) our financial status at the time, was really poor. b/c i went onto bedrest and my b/f at the time was a drug addict. and there was hardly any money for a baby.

3) it was a surprise, but i welcomed it with open arms.

4) How do i feel about it? i feel very happy. it was meant to be. i don't regret anything. i can't wait to have another little one. but, since i'm single and not a celebrity there's no way that's going to happen for a long time.

Answer 10

To give advise on this is really pointless,it depends all on the situation.Me and my wife waited 13 yrs before we had our first child,do we regret waiting NO.would we have done it diffrent maybe.We had traveled,worked togather and experienced alot of things togather along the way before we had children.Now ,we have been married for 20 yrs and our kids are 7 and 5.She stays home and i still travel with work.Financially we are good.Our friendship and love for each other is great and the kids are our life.We are even discussing another ? maybe.But all kidding aside i would wait experience life with your partner and let god guide your course,he has already decided for your ,you just never know,it might be NOW,it might be never,but go with your feelings and you'll do fine. good luck and god bless