We have been in a relationship for two years.We decided to take a brk and so I moved out of state. I went 2 c him after a month and he admitted he had cheated on me w/3 wmn but not while I was away. Instead he did it while we were together. He told me he was sorry and that he appreciates me and that he was committed 2 me. He said it was not going to happen again. P.S. We have nvr used birth control and he has always pulled out. The day b4 he told me about his premiscuity, he came n me.While he told me of the other wmn, he was shaking and said he was so afraid to lose me. What should I think of this?
2006-11-17 05:05:56 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
if you never used b/c i think he was trying to get you pregnant to keep you around, and that's not right... to me a cheating is cheating and once a cheater always a cheater i know it sounds cliche but its true... three different women thats crazy... the only thing good about it is at least he was honest and he told you the truth... that doesnt mean you have to take him back though... what if one time he messes around with another woman and you catch a disease.. since he "pulls out" you don't protect yourself.. and what will you do then... its not worth it to get a disease that can ruin your life, and die from it.
2006-11-17 06:27:00 · answer #1 · answered by summer ♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is always a tough one, because it is true that people can change. There are a lot of people on here that are going to tell you that "once a cheater, always a cheater" but this is not true. I am married, and I love my husband, but when we got married not less that 6 months later he was trying to cheat on me. I forgave him, until we move to his home state and he tried something again. We are still together, but now I have feel over to the dark side and took up a relationship with another man. I have tried to stop but I can't right now. It was a revenge thing I guess, I am just taking it one day at a time in hopes that I will stop. I shared what I did to give you both sides, being cheated on and now a cheater. What is sad about your dilemma is that you could be pregnant or have gotten a STD. You need to talk to him about what actually happened, and if he used condoms? Then you really need to examine what he says and make decision based on what is best for YOU in the long run.
(When people cheat, it is to fill a void)
2006-11-17 05:20:56 · answer #2 · answered by Taisha 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your relation most likely heads to point of no return. You do not look likr you understand the problem. Infidelity is always destructive, and often fatal, to a marriage. In your case a systematic infidelity is even more destructive but it is possible to avoid allowing infidelity to bring a marriage to an end, however.
Discovering the betrayal and anticipating the potential loss of the person most important in your life causes great distress. Unlike the trauma of death, which has an end and can be compensated for by positive elements in the relationship, infidelity undermines all that is good in the relationship and the pain seems to have no natural end point. Although not welcomed, death is to be expected at some point in a marriage. Betrayal is not. The victim of betrayal questions if the spouse ever loved them, and if so, what they might have done to lose it. It is as if the adulterous spouse has thrown dirt in the river of their marriage contaminating the water behind them and before them.
To recover from trauma, a victim has a natural tendency to go back to the traumatic experience, questioning, going over details repetitiously: “What did you do? Where? When? How often?” The traumatized spouse must go over the events until the emotional distress caused by them becomes manageable. They must reach a point where they feel there are no more surprises.
Often, the betraying spouse wants to get things over quickly, after admitting to their infidelity. They must develop empathy for what the betrayed spouse is experiencing, and be willing to live with the pain of guilt, until genuine healing can occur. In addition, the betraying spouse may learn something about them self in the questioning process. They may begin to see their own motives, vulnerabilities, and selfishness. If both spouses can tolerate and control the emotions involved, they may come to a joint understanding of how the infidelity occurred, signaling the beginning of a more substantial level of recovery. Recovery usually takes 1 to 3 years.
It is very hard for both parties, good luck with your recovery.
2006-11-17 05:16:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not only did he cheat but with 3 women. After cheating you guys took a break. I'm sure he was with many other women after you left. He probably thought the grass was greener and found out it wasn't. I say if he needed to check out other women before being sure about you then he's not worth it. So I wonder how many times he exposed you to std's being that you guys dont wear condoms. If he cheated on you in a 2 yr relationship do you really think he can be married to you and not cheat ?? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.
2006-11-17 05:16:31 · answer #4 · answered by JustMe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I could see if he cheated once giving him a second chance, but he did it three times with three different women, if he is so commited to you now, why wasnt he before?? of course he is affraid to lose you, he messed up... I don't know what to tell you, but trust will be huge issue in your relationship if you stay together.. best of luck.
2006-11-17 05:12:39 · answer #5 · answered by Candi J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your BF sounds like a real turd. There is no future with him since clearly there would be huge lack of trust problems. The only reason he was shaking during his confession is that he was afraid he was going to lose his sex outlet (you). BTW WTF were you doing having sex with no protection?!!! Run away from this guy NEVER EVER look back or contact him again unless it is to have him pay for an abortion...
2006-11-17 05:16:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
he has lost your trust which will be very hard to gain back. it is really hard i think for a man who has cheated three times to stop cheating . find a new boyfriend
2006-11-17 05:11:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
god i wonder why this all happens with us.u r in a very delicate postion of ur life. well try to be clam and talk to him, more than asking us we may give u suggestions but it u to chooes how u want ur life to be, good luck! please leave him and find a better partner with whom u can have a happy life. how many of u agree with me.
2006-11-17 05:11:15 · answer #8 · answered by Oh My God! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once a cheater always a cheater. I had a boyfriend who said the SAME things and did the same things and the ****** did it again.
2006-11-17 05:09:46 · answer #9 · answered by krazy_chic6944 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run, run far away and don't look back...He is sooo not worth it.
2006-11-17 05:12:53 · answer #10 · answered by Ladybeth 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋