Jokes funny or not?

Question

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse mis-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes. Finally, he states, "That's one." The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride.

A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, "That's two!" He returns to his saddle and they move on.

As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, "That's three," removes a pistol from his vest, and shots the horse dead.

The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband, "That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!"

The man stares at his wife and firmly says, "That's one!"
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A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one
of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20
bills falling out of that bag..."

"Darn!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see
if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?" Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's
a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge
clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes off.

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay"
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An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight
attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them
food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and
announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvin has asked me to announce that
he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could
just put up your trays that would be super."

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic
looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those
big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can
pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess.
I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks,
in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up *****."
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Wal*Mart & The Toaster

A middle aged woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter
and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster
she bought because it won't work.

The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund
because she bought it on 'special'.

Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and
starts screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY
NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!!"

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager
in front of a growing crowd of customers.

The manager goes to the woman and asks, "Ma'am what's
wrong?"

She explained the problem with the toaster, and HE
tells her that he can't give her a refund because she
bought it on special.

Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air
and starts screaming, "PINCH MY NIPPLES! PINCH MY
NIPPLES! PINCH MY NIPPLES!"

And doing so draws an even bigger crowd.

In shock, the store manager pleads, "Ma'am, why are
you saying that?"

In a huff, the woman says, "BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY
NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I'M GETTING SCREWED!"

The crowd broke into applause and her money was
quickly refunded.

Answer 1

those were all A+++++ !!!!!!!!!!!!

keep them coming!!!!

Answer 2

you recognize you're a Redneck while... a million. you're taking your dogs for a walk and you the two use the comparable tree. 2. you may entertain your self for greater desirable than quarter-hour with a fly swatter. 3. Your boat has no longer left the driveway in 15 years. 4. You burn your backyard extremely than mow it. 5. you think of "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the extreme dive. 6. The Salvation military declines your furniture. 7. You supply to offer somebody the shirt off your returned and that they do no longer prefer it. 8. you have the community taxidermist on speed dial. 9. you come returned from the sell off with greater desirable than you took. 10. you shop a can of Raid on the kitchen table. 11. Your spouse can climb a tree swifter than your cat. 12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas checklist. 13. you shop flea and tick cleansing soap contained in the bathe. 14. you have been in contact in a custody combat over a looking dogs. 15. You pass to the inventory motor vehicle races and don't prefer a application. sixteen. you recognize what proportion bales of hay your motor vehicle will carry. 17. you have a rag for a gas cap. 18. your place does not have curtains, yet your truck does. 19. You ask your self how provider stations shop their restroom's so sparkling. 20. you may spit without taking off your mouth. 21. you think approximately your motor vehicle plate customized with the aid of fact your father made it. 22. Your lifetime purpose is to very own a fireworks stand. 23. you have an entire set of salad bowls and that all of them say "Cool Whip" on the section. 24. the main important city you have ever been to is Walmart. 25. Your working television sits on desirable of your non-working television. 26. you have used your ironing board as a buffet table. 27. A twister hits your community and does $one hundred,000 worth of advancements. 28. you have used a rest room brush to scratch your returned. 29. You missed your 5th grade commencement when you consider which you have been on jury duty. 30. you think of rapid nutrition is hitting a deer at sixty 5. 31. in the adventure that your genealogy does not branch.....

Answer 3

Good ones all.
Put the smile on for the whole DAY!

Answer 4

I'd ive ya 10 thumbs up if I could, LOL

Answer 5

The first one was ok, the 2nd one was funny, and the 3rd one was damn funny!

Answer 6

i think the first one is not complete.. second was hilarious... third i dont understand (Queen?) and i've the fourth one b4... but seriously, i totally enjoyed the 2nd one!

Answer 7

SO FUNNY! i love the last one! i might try that!

Answer 8

Not all us F/A's are like that :)

Answer 9

hahahaha
funny.

Answer 10

Damn funny!