I am having issues with my five year old stepson...please help!?

Question

My husband and I have a blended family, he has 3 children and I have 3 children. All of the children seem to be adjusting well except for his 5 year old son. He refuses to eat when he is with us no matter what we try. The only food he will eat is chicken nuggets and mac and cheese and the pasta my husband fixes for him. My husband has assured me that the food I make is all of the stuff he likes but he sits and looks at it with a disgusted look on his face. He doesn't mind being sent away from the table or missing dessert. He will even go without eating for a couple of meals. He also throws tantrums if he is asked to do things he doesn't want to do.. His home life with his mother is not good, they don't have any family values over there and she lets them sit and play video games all day. They don't even get to play outside. I feel sorry for them, we try to make a loving and stable environment for them here. His issues are causing alot of stress in our family.

We have already set the rules, had the family meeting. The rules are posted and so are the consequences. We don't give in and give him the food he wants, he just leaves the table to sit in his room until everyone is finished. We praise him if he finishes a meal, even though it isn't very often. Maybe we just have to keep doing what we are doing and it will start paying off.

Answer 1

Have your husband get custody and teach him your morals and values. Sounds like a stubborn child.

Answer 2

First things first you don't say how long it's been. I had a similar problem with my now 8 year old future stepdaughter. She was 5 when I met her and I noticed that she really wouldn't eat good food. She wanted junk and thats what her mother was feeding her. We started including her in cooking the meals. She was more willing to try new foods that she helped to prepare. When we do go out she is allowed to order what she would like but she is always asked to try something new, either off her fathers plate or mine, and sometimes my boys will offer er something new that they know they like. Our mealtimes are much better since the kids all help cook, chores in the kitchen are assigned my age, my oldest is allowed to use a knife and the younger ones are not but the little kids are responsible for washing all the dishes (minus knives) that are used while cooking so there's less for mom to do after dinner.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

My daughter is five and she goes through the same thing. She doesn't even have a blended family to blame. She is a vary picky eater and will refuse to eat things that I know she likes. I had posted a question about how to help her eating habits a while back, but didn't have much luck with any of the suggestions. Just be reassured that it probably doesn't have anything to do with you or what you are doing. And, according to those who responded to me, he will eventually grow out of it. Til then good luck.

Answer 5

"You catch more flies with honey than with... (RULES)"! Give the child time to adjust and continue to try and win him over with lots of patience and love. Don't treat him any differently than any of the rest of all your children. Once he sees that you genuinely love him, (equally as much as all the rest) he will slowly start to come around and learn to trust you. Remember he feels like you don't belong! You're not his Mommy, and why is his Daddy here with you and your children and not at home with his Mommy and his brothers & sisters where he wants him! I'ts every divorced childs' dream to have them back together at home as a family just like before. It will take time for him to trust you, and his father again. Remember his father left him, so he thinks he must not have loved him enough otherwise, why would he have left him... or so he thinks! Little minds don't think as we do. He feels hurt, abandoned, un-loved, confused, angry and certainly does not want to be there!!! Whatever you do DON'T YOU OR YOUR HUSBAND badmouth his mother or talk badly about her in front of him or any of the other children. Yours or his! That leaves permanent scars that may never heal and will... never be forgotten!
I too was a child of divorced parents and later a victim of a spouse who left me and our two chidlren for someone else, so you see, I've been on both ends! You know what I did? I went and met with the "other woman" and told her that for our children's sake and for our family's relationships... we all needed to become friends, not enemies, afterall weren't we going to be in their lives for the rest of our lives and didn't we all want the same thing... our children's happines? So why not be friends??? I too remarried a man who had sole custody of his dauhter, which is my daughter too and raised her as my own. In fact no-one knows that she is not my natural daughter and if they find out , I say that's right I'm very lucky, the only thing I missed was the birthing! Even my Ex has accepted her as the girls big sister and includes her as well in his family! That was almost 20 years ago and we are all...an extended family, we just live in different homes but still... one BIG family!
We as adults have the upper hand. We know we love our children and we didn't leave them, we left our partners, or our partners left us for whatever the reason was, but not... our children!!!
Be patient it will all work out, hopefully for the better for all of you!

Answer 6

Is this living arrangement new???????He might be having a hard time dealing.....Everyone should sit down and have a discussion about rules that need to be applied at both homes so there are only one set of rules.....It's going to continue to be hard if he is getting away with acting out at one house and not the other....

Answer 7

Maybe you could sit down with your husband to write down some rules and consequences for your household, then hold a family meeting to discuss with the kids. Make it clear that you and your husband are a united front.

Answer 8

I know there are a lot of answers covering adjustment periods, etc.
While I'm inclined to say don't cater to him, there's got to be something else going on.
Why not sit down on his bed with him, tell him you're concerned about him eating right to be healthy, and then ask him to help you make something he likes.
His getting to participate may be the incentive he needs to feel part of the family. It will be up to you, of course, to guide him in the selection process of what to prepare.
Best of luck.

Answer 9

Try talking to the boy. Sometimes males have a problems with adapting to a new environment. See if his mother made a promise to him that she can no longer fulfill. Spend a day just with him. It's time to bond. Most importantly ask God to break down the barriers and trust me he will.

Answer 10

quit feeding him chicken nuggets and mac n cheese....he is learning/has learned that his throwing fits and other behavior is getting him what he wants....don't beg and plead and bargain with him to eat his food....sounds like there's a power struggle going on and you guys are losing.....reward him when appropriate and discipline him when appropriate....and make rules and STICK to them!!...sounds like his life with mom is pretty unstable/lacks rules....you need to let him know that your home has rules and everyone is expected to abide by them or else there are consequences....if taking away his dessert doesn't phase him find something else...time out...take away a toy every time he breaks a rule, etc....good luck!

Answer 11

How long have you been the stepmother? It will take time for him to trust you. You will need a lot of help from his father to bond with him. I doubt that the mother is going to help you get close to him, but you could try talking to her about it. After all why would she want her child to be miserable when he was with you.