We are in process of transitioning 3 year old sibling to our previously adopted twins who are almost 5. This poor litlle guy has had major trauma with being removed from his home and placement. The biggest concern we have is when he gets really mad he will throw his head against objects or the floor. One time he picked up a little childrens chair and threw it and screamed. I told him I would not listen to him do that and when he was done to please pick up the chair and put it back. I walked away and a couple of minutes later when he was quiet, I saw that he HAD in fact put the chair back and said sorry. I asked if he was feeling better, he said yes and we hugged it out and I told him that the behaviour is not aceptable and I don't want him to keep hurting himself. He has major speech and language delays. Any advice on how to help a child that hurts himself? We predict this scenerio when leaving a fun activity/place as well. Any coping techniques? Not hitting, please. Transition help?
2006-11-17 02:58:31 · 4 answers · asked by ♀♥☼ alycat☼♥♀ 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Wow! This poor little guy has gone through a lot of changes! What a good person you are for doing your best to support him! Temper tantrums are caused by children who are not getting their needs met. If they are not throwing a tantrum because they are sick, hungry, or tired, they will throw a tantrum because it feels powerful, they get attention for it, they are testing limits, or they are simply feeling frustrated. I think youy son is just feeling pretty powerless right now.
Avoid punishing or threatening. When he throws a tantrum, do the unexpected. Either walk away or move him to a quiet place (his room, the couch) and say “When you are ready to calm down then you can come back.” Say nothing more than that. This can be his place to vent. This is not a time out because you are not setting a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he is ready to control himself. You may have to return him to the designated spot before he gets the message. I like how you asked him if he was feeling better. I think it’s the perfect thing to say once he is calm.
Empathize with him when he has calmed down. “I can tell you were feeling very (mad, angry, upset, hurt, sad, frustrated). What can we do about that?” or “I can tell you miss the other home you were staying at. It makes you feel sad that you’re not there anymore.” Do some problem solving and give him words to use. He will then learn to better express himself.
When he is hurting himself, express your feelings. "I'm worried you might get hurt. It upsets me when you do that." Give him something to take his anger out on. You could give him a special pillow or find one of those punching clowns (just a throught). It may help redirect his anger from himself to another object.
Help him to feel powerful by saying thing like “Look how fast you can run! You did that by yourself! You stacked every block! You used so many colors on you picture!” These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy).These phrases are great ways to help your son feel powerful, gain confidence, and show attention in a positive way.
2006-11-17 06:05:26 · answer #1 · answered by marnonyahoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may be testing your boundry levels....see how much he can get a way with....also, if he has been moved to multiple homes, he may be seeing if you are going to get rid of him...also, give him a way to focus his frustration...like an echo mic he can scream all he wants into when he is upset...(btw, echo mics actually mute the scream...hehe....worked on a foster child I had in my care for a while)...you can also give him a nap mat...tell him if he wants to be alone to use the mat that is his private spot, then have everyone honor the mat, when he is on it leave him alone
2006-11-17 03:51:28 · answer #2 · answered by OwlGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You might get a fun kid's calander for him and some fun stickers to put on the days that he behaves and reward him for so many days of good behavior (going out for ice cream, a new toy, etc)
My mom had some tantrum throwers when she ran a daycare and this worked wonders.
2006-11-17 03:36:18 · answer #3 · answered by Chels 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that's something for a expert because of the fact what you do now will stay with him continuously. He would have an attachment ailment from the trauma. i'd get the opinion of a toddler counselor/psychologist. you do no longer say what his past historic past is, in spite of the undeniable fact that it may havr something to do with it.
2016-10-15 16:16:26 · answer #4 · answered by bumber 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋