When do you allow boys to roam freely?

Question

My son is 9. He had a blast with friends recently - the mom allowed her two sons (both 9) and mine to go, unsupervised, through the woods behind their house to a reservoir. Our sons fished, hiked, had adventures.

Watching my son talk about how great it was to do this, I felt bad that I was terrified and upset to hear that my son had been roaming around unsupervised.

A child killer was arrested only blocks from where they went into the woods. Obviously, that guy's in jail, but it leaves me realizing they could be anywhere.

My husband thinks three nine year old boys can take care of each other and should be free to have such adventures. Obviously, I'd love my son to have this fun, but I find it hard to believe one should let 9 year old boys fun in the woods near a river (or anywhere) unsupervised.

Have you coped with this? What do you do? What would you do?

We live in a huge suburb of the nation's capital.

I checked our state police registry of sex offenders; in the zip code for this woman's house (where the woods are) there are 47 registered sexual offenders.

Does this change the calculation about how many bad guys are out there?

Answer 1

Checking a registry to see how many bad people live in your area doesn't really change much, it just makes you aware of who is out there and who to tell your children to steer clear of. The bad people have always been around, even when our grandparents were kids, what makes it both good and bad for people in our time is that we are able to be aware of who they are. It's good because like I stated earlier, we can tell our children who not to associate with, but bad because most of us are scared all the time now that we know the figures on the bad people. My father at 9 yrs old was running around Camden NJ with out his parents keeping after him night and day where my 9 yr old I don't want out of my sight because I know the numbers. It's always been a scary world and always will be, how we face it is up to us.
What I am trying to say is, you know your kids, you know what they are capable of, you know what they will understand, and only you know if they are ready to venture out on their own.

Answer 2

I know it is hard but he is nine years old now and so he is growing up. I think you should give him the freedom but talk to him about responsibility of freedom,like never to go off on his own always to stay with the group of friends, to stay away from the river and make sure not to go to far so that he always knows where home is when its time to come in.
I believe 9yrs/o is too young for a cellphone but if it gives you piece of mind to let him have one when he is playing unsupervised it might be an idea.
Enjoy this time for your son, it can be great fun,full of discovery and adventure it would be a shame for you to stand in the way of that. At the same time don't be afraid to say no when you have a bad feeling about something and always have a curfew so that you know when he will be back. I think as long as you know where he is,if he is a good kid you dont need to worry to much about what he is doing.Good luck

Answer 3

I live in the same kind of environment and when my son turned 8 he was allowed to go play with a friend unsupervised within about 1/4 mile from my home WITH WALKIE TALKIES. I could check often. I also gave a lesson on strangers, kicking *** if necessary, ALWAYS stay together and don't pick up garbage (there is often drug paraphernalia). I am happy to report they do very well and do not break the rules.

In CA kids cannot be unsupervised until 12

Answer 4

Yes, bad things can happen. So can they happen while crossing the street in the city. And children have been kidnapped from their bedrooms while the parents were there, asleep. We can't live continually in fear, and boys need to know their parents are not afraid.
I would not deprive him of the fun of roaming freely in the wild. It-s much safer than in town.
Especially if he has company.
My son, at that age, said to me: "Dad, kids say you restrict me because I can't go to the places they go to at night. But they are a lot more restricted than I am. None of them can go into the mountain (a nearby hill) and explore caves, carrying a flash-light and a knife (a kitchen knife for which he had made his own sheath), and bow and arrow". He is an adult now, and carries good memories of those days.
We had no cell phone, and he would be gone for half a day at a time, sometimes a whole day (we would know in advance).
One of the answers implies the forest is teaming with child predators. Sorry - I can't believe that. They are a very rare breed. Yes, children should be taught to be wary of strangers, up to a point, but also that most strangers are quite safe and can even be helpful.

Answer 5

I would be furious with that boy's mother! If I'm overprotective, then so be it, my kids are too precious to take a chance with! A 9 year old is not equipped to handle an emergency. Murderers and child molesters aside, one of them could have had an accident, what would the others have done? If they were doing something they weren't supposed to, chances are their fist thought would be covering their own butts.

This is a different world than it was just 20 or 30 years ago. There are too many psychos running around out there for us to be shrugging off what COULD happen.

Answer 6

i know just what you mean my son is 8 and wants more freedom but i am scared there are lots of transients where we live and i know i could trust him he is very well behaved but that doesnt mean some psyco couldnt get him recently i let him walk two blocks down and three over to go to his friend house he said he felt like a baby because i had to walk with him and he said his friends would call him a baby so i bit the bullet and let him walk alone. he was told to call when he got there which he did(i was proud) just that small walk made him feel great but i was terrified untill he called. so i know what you mean does your son know how to swim? and have you talked to him about what to do in an emergency situation, also maybe get him a inexpensive prepaid cell phone ,not letting him go again might send him a mixed signal on weithr you trust him ,but i would also call the parents of the other kids and just let them know that you would prefer them to call you when the boys go out on there own so you know where they are when they should be back and when they left.Thats what i would want the other parents to do for me and for the cell they make (i dont rember which company ) them for kids that you can program in only certin numbers so they can only use them to contact parents and such they might be called fireflys .good luck it is so hard to be a good parent.

Answer 7

I just started letting my sons out on their own a little over the summer and more so since they have been going out with groups of friends. They don't go far, no more than a block and a half from our house but it still makes me uneasy. We also live in particularly small (and what I think of more or less as safe) area. Even with that in mind, what helps is the fact they are not too go anywhere with out letting me know exactly where they are at and to ask me before going anywhere else. Since they are not usually in always in a friend's house I have invested in walkie talkies so that we can keep in touch.
I hope that helps.

Answer 8

i am with you, they should not be unsupervised in the woods at all. even in a group, things happen & they are not prepared to deal nor do they have the expierence to handle them.. there have been instances where just one boy has been taken out of a group. plus there was a case where all the boys were taken & killed, these boys were about 11-12yrs old.. pedophiles are everywhere just looking for children alone.. i do believe that unsupervised outings can be allowed if there are check in times & set times to be home. we cant smother the children, they do need some freedoms,but carefullu until they learn how to handle situations.

Answer 9

its hard to know when to let them go off unsupervised but i guess it depends on how well educated they are (eg road rules) and how well behaved they are. You wouldnt let your son out if you know he will play up but also you need to trust your child too. Kids can only learn from there mistakes. If your worried about him being kidnapped make your child aware of stranger danger and maybe make sure the friend he is with is reliable.
At least he is with a friend that can go for help if need be rather then going by himself.

Answer 10

ya I am with you.. sure it would be fun to be a 9 yr old roaming in the woods.. BUT that isnt to say NOTHING can happen.. boys take chances.. well ok all kids too..
a child killer was arrested.. that doesnt mean there are not more out there.. and the river too...

I would go with the kids but play along with them and be comfortable not intrusive... I sure as heck think many people take too many risks with their kids and until it happens to them they are thinking "it wont happen to me" or "it wont happen to my kids"

a professional bad guy wouldnt care if there was 1 kid alone or a group of 3..