How do I move on?

Question

My boyfriend broke up with me last night. He said he did it so he wouldn't hurt me anymore, but breaking up with me last night hurt me more than he ever could.

I'd found out a few weeks ago that he'd had a relationship 4 years earlier. They slept together for months. She got married shortly after they broke up. It just hurt imagining him with someone else. I was coping with it in my own way. Time would have helped me, but he didn't give me that time. He promised to do things to make it up to me like to stop talking to her, to teach me how to drive his car (it has manual transmission). Those things never happened. In fact, she got in touch with him and invited him to play poker with all their friends (they shared friends). He said he didn't want to stop talking to her because he would lose his friends.

Last night, he told me that his friends were his family, and he didn't want to even hypothetically consider chosing someone over them. So he dumped me.

He was upset when he dumped me. When I tried wiping the tears from his eyes, he said "No." like it was too much for him.

If he really loved me, why did he do this? Is he going to change his mind? Do I need to just find someone else and move on? I'm so confused. He's being so selfish and immature. He chose his friends over me. Would he have ever loved me enough to chose me in any way?

That's the thing that confuses me. My dad said he obviously cared enough about me to do it in person instead of over the phone. We were going to get married. He was so happy about that. I still love him. I wish this didn't happen.

I didn't put him in a position to choose. He brought that up himself. He said he wanted me to meet his friends and meet her. I told him I would. He never let me meet them after that or meet her.

I also never bothered him during "guy time." I just let him do his thing.

As far as the past relationship is concerned, I thought he was a virgin. He didn't bother telling me that until later.

Answer 1

Sweetheart. I know how much this hurts. He chose what was most important to him and that was his friends and not you. If he loves you, Then YOU would have been his choice instead of his friends. I am pretty sure you wouldn't have minded hanging out with all those friends, but the girl that intrudes was in the middle. You deserve SO much better than that! If I were you...I would try to get over this guy.
I am sure you told him how you feel already, but if you haven't, do that. You are going to have to have closure.
Move on by showing him what he is going to miss out on by his choice. Always look your best! If you have any good looking guy friends that are single...Spend some time in the public eye with them.
Don't go out with anyone else until you are ready, but do move on.
He sounds like a jerk and doesn't deserve you! It's true that a man will chose his girl over and above all else when he's in love. He didn't do that and he didn't deserve the chance to start with!

Answer 2

No Offense Sweetie But Your Dad Is An Idiot. Yes It Is Good That Your Ex Told This Garbage Face To Face But Your relationship Was Never Strong Enough To Last Any Way. If It Were There Would Not Have Had To Been A Choice Between You Or His Friends.

And Honey, He Did Not Dump You, He Freed You. Freed You From More Heart Ache And Pain.

Yes You Feel Both Now But This Will Soon Fade And In Time You Can Move On, But Only After You Realize That You Deserve Better.

Once You Start To Love Yourself You Will Find It Easier To Get Over Those That Did Not Truly Love You Like You Desreved To Be Loved

Answer 3

the feeling you get when you are dumped isn't he worst feeling in the world. being betrayed is.he was honest with you and that's what hurts. you know he cares and he broke up with you and that sucks. it's very difficult for a guy to pick his friends over a girl especially when they have been there for each other through tough stuff! like he said they are family! you should never put a guy in a position to choose between his friends and you, because you will lose. perhaps he still has feelings for his ex and that's why he broke up with before he cheated on you. if you love him than let him go and be happy with someone else. you should do the same. it's hard but not impossible!!

good luck

Answer 4

I dont know you and I see that you are a very smart girl. I say that because if you reread your question you answered it yourself. He never really loved you like he said he did. And he was right its best to end things instead of you getting hurt down the line. See, when someone leaves you yeah it may hurt you but that pain will only be there for a little while. But if they stay with you and continue to lie and things like that thats something that will hurt you forever. You have to leran to love and let love go. He didnt deserve you, you are to much better than that he wants to choose his friends over you. That doesnt sound right because if they were his real friends they would be by his side no matter what, its not because of them its her and you should know that. because I'm pretty sure you have friends that are not his friends and they still talk to you and are okay with you being with him, so he is just being an immature A** hole and you need to move on. Losing a love is hard and I know it is, but you have occupy your time and think to yourself that he lost you, you didnt lose him.

Sweetie move on is not healthy to beat yourself up about the situation when you know that you didnt do anything worng, its was his stupidity. Something will happen where he will realize that he gave up a great girl, but then it will be too late and his lost.
Go out have fun, I know you're going to think about him and things like that and its okay to cry but not too long you have to move on.................... Love and let Love go always remebr that

There is someone out there for you and you will find that true love. somethings happen for a reason, somethings are just no really meant to be...

Answer 5

He was probably crying because he really does care for you. Not all people that move on despise the person they are with...there is just something that isn't working, and maybe he doesn't even know what it is. For whatever reason, he has chosen a different life to live other than with you, so now is time to focus on getting your broken heart feeling better. You need to cry, be sad and angry and get all the emotions out for a couple of days. Then you need to start focusing on hanging out with your girlfriends and going out and starting over. You may need to get on some medicine. I had to when I was going through my divorce. The doctor said there is a chemicle in your brain that when you get sad, sometimes it over produces and anti depressants will help to balance the chemicle so that you will be able to function better. Good luck, and just remember, Your Mr. Right is out there...so just be patient.

Answer 6

Move on. I have been here before. Either his friends are filling his head with a bunch of bull or he just doesn't want to be with you. Iknow it hurts but just know that you can do better. Don't be down about it. Let him see that you can overcome this. I promise you...if you move on he'll start to wondering and eventually he'll want you back. Guys are just idiots they don't miss a good thing until it's gone so leave. You have to stop calling and stop waitng for his calls. Do you think he isbeing miserable over you? I bet he's not. Just open the door and walk out. Your sure to find someone else.
Someone once told me that every failed relationship brings you one step closer to the real thing so congratulations your on your way to finding your true love. Plus, life is short. Why would you want to waste it on crying. Suck it up and face the world...it's his loss and your gain because you've learned a valuable lesson and he missed out on real love.

Good Luck 2 u

Answer 7

Honey as hard as it is dry your tears, pick yourself up dust yourself off and close this chapter in your life. A relationship is not about putting others before one another. He is immature that is clear. You deserve better and do not cut yourself short. And for him having had a relationship in the past you need to grow up as well. People have had sexual partners before you. You cannot allow that to cloud your mind. What matters is they are with you now and loving you. So their past is just that their past. You cannot dwell on it because you will chase many away from you. Build a future and memories and stop clouding your personal relationships with their past relationships. But this guy sounds young and dumb and if he allows friends to separate you two now think how it would be 10 years from now. If your not special enough in a young relationship you will be no where on his top priority list 10 years from now. Talk to your parents they will help guide your broken heart. You will find happiness

Answer 8

It sounds like he has his prorities all screwed up, or maybe he found somebody new. However, the girl friend he had four years ago should not have the effect on you that it did. That was his past. He's definitely being selfish, so perhaps its best you found this out now. I am sorry this happened to you so close to the holidays, that always makes breaking up worse. Just take a break for awhile and sort through your feelings, you will be alright.

Answer 9

You need to move on. It is hard, but it is probably best that he broke up with you because you would probably not dumped him and you do not deserve to be second best.

He should not have to choose between you and his friends, but to share his friends with you. You should be going with him to visit his friends.

About his ex, if he has no feelings left for her, then he would not mind telling you when he was talking to her, he should let you meet her and even hang out with her.

He is hiding something, feelings I think. That is a lame excuse, he does NOT have to lose his friends in order to have you around.

Find somebody who loves you and cares about you. It might hurt now, but one day soon it will feel so much better. Belive I know, I have been there.

Answer 10

I wish I could help you with moving on, but truth is, I can't move on either. It's one of the truly negative sides of being in love. Love is only really great when both parties are in love together. It sounds like while he may have had feelings for you, he may have had feelings for his ex as well. He may be feeling a lot of guilt for "dumping" you and that may be why he's being so nice. But it definitely sounds like it's over on his part. Now, if I could only figure out how to move on... It might just make life a little easier...