I'm not sure what the best way is to handle my 13 month old when she doesn't get what she wants. When I tell her no or take something away from her she cries uncontrollable. I just walk away because I don't know what else to do. I do get down to her level and tell her what she has done. I do also spank when it is necessary and also explain why after. But when you do this she cries like she's telling me how it is. Help, first time parents!!!
2006-11-17 02:08:22 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
You're doing the right thing!! She's just at that age, and you have to continue to be consistent about it!! When she starts crying uncontrollably you should probably send her in her room and shut the door... Let her cry it out.. Good luck with everthing and just keep on doing what you're doing.. Books aren't going to help.. you're the parent and you know what's best...
2006-11-17 02:29:38 · answer #1 · answered by Kat0312 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I read once that children don't understand cause and effect until about 18 months and that until that time they don't really link spanking with what they did, they just know that they got hit.
At this age I found that positive reinforcement and distraction worked really, really well. When my son would do something the way he should (without having a fit) I would praise, praise, praise him like he just walked on the moon. If he was doing something that I knew he shouldn't or had something that I needed to take away, I would distract him with something he could do or have and then put away the thing he shouldn't have had (if that was the case). Sometimes you have to get kind of creative, but it saves a lot of crying.
I taught him a few basic sign language signs too (more, please, drink, eat, all done and a few others) and that seemed to help his behavior too. It seemed like he had some frustration over not being able to communicate much, and just being able to be understood more with the signs made him (and me) a lot less frustrated and so he didn't act out as much.
Good luck!
2006-11-17 13:03:48 · answer #2 · answered by kids_bid 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When do you consider it necessary to spank a 13 month old baby? I can't imagine an instance when it would be "necesary" to hit a baby.
As for a 13 month old understanding the explanation you give as to why you punished her, dream on.
Your daughter appears already to be fearful of your interactions with her. She is learning that being hit is normal. When you hit her and then try to explain why, she doesn't get it. She is a baby. At this age, if she grabs a fork for instance, take it from her, tell her "Momma doesn't want you to get hurt" and then do something like sing a song or dance a little or pet the dog or read a story. Do something that distracts her,
Little babies and toddlers will do all kinds of bad things, grab dangerous stuff, etc. and of course you need to take it from her if she does get something that could harm her. But don't make it such a punishment. Just a matter of fact thing that you are taking what she shouldn't have and then you are reinforcing positive interaction with her by hugging her or playing a quick game of peekaboo.
Kids are gonna grab stuff. And they're gonna cry. But you can prevent some of the crying by being a little more loving instead of issuing punishment to a baby.
One thing that could work would also be to trade her. When she has something you don't want her to have, say "Trade momma. I don't want you hurt." and at the same time, take what she has, and give her a few cheerios or a ball or a toy...and as she gets older she'll understand what not to do.
Good luck. I think it takes a lot of guts to post that question here.
P.S. The teenager who kept spanking the baby for a few days until it stopped. That's plain abusive.
And I am not against spanking. I am against hitting for no reason and when a kid is 13 months old, there is never a reason to hit.
Why is a young teenager giving parenting advice anyway?
2006-11-17 02:30:38 · answer #3 · answered by ssssss 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I have a 14 month old son. I also sit an18 month old girl. She throws the same type of tantrums. With her I set her on her bed and she has to stay there until she is finished throwing her fit. I go about doing whatever it is I was doing. At first I would have to go back and put her back on the bed a lot!! After a while she understood that she had to stay there. Do NOT let her know that she can stop your life!! Continue on with what your doing. Works great for her not for my son. With him I spat his leg and tell him no. He just goes on with life. They can't be disciplined in the same way because they are two different people. Maybe your daughter is starting to feel that your not spending the time she thinks you should with her. It very well could be that the crying comes at times when your not and can't be 100% devoted to her. Keep explainations to one word or sentence when possible. She will understand more the less you say. You can confuse a little one with a lot of words. Sounds like your doing a great job. Keep up the good work!!
2006-11-17 16:56:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let me first applaude you, discipline is essential and is most effective at an early age. Let us not confuse 'discipline' with 'punishment'. Discipline as defined is "teaching" that's it. "punishment" is a consequence of a poor choice.
You are doing a FINE job with your child. The crying is her way of coping with her feelings. That is normal. I'm sure when you say "spanking" you mean a little "pop" on the diaper. It doesn't even have to hurt them to get them to understand at this age. About 3 or 4 is when I moved to the thigh for direct and deliberate disobediance. Also, NEVER spank when you are angry (you hit harder than you think)
If the crying gets too much, require her to go to her room and cry in her pillow (often they just fall asleep, much needed nap) so that she isn't disrupting the calm. When she's done crying, tell her she can come out if she's ready.
Also, try to substitute an appropriate toy for the 'thing' she had taken away, this will help her realize what IS and what IS NOT acceptable to play with.
2006-11-17 02:26:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Consistency is the key. Reward good behavior and ignore the crying. Try time outs as well. Explain at her level why she is going to time out, let her sit for the time that is appropriate for her age (1 year = 1 min, 2 year = 2 min, 3 year = 3 min, etc). After timeout explain again why she was put there and practice appropriate behavior. If she can speak have her apologize, if not then a hug will do.
2006-11-17 02:31:35 · answer #6 · answered by party_pam 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I do agree with the other parents that spanking most certainly will not help your situation and will only make it worse.
Second, I have found with my little one that these she usually threw these uncontrollable fits when she was over tired. She used to cry until she started gagging because she was so upset over the smallest thing. You may want to try adjusting her sleep schedule a little. They are little drama queens and this age!
2006-11-17 02:34:28 · answer #7 · answered by angelbelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 13 months is a little early for discipline. I think just telling her No in a firm voice and removing her from the situation is enough for now. She doesnt understand reason right now therefore she probably doesnt understand that she is getting spanked for a reason. To her you are hurting her and thats it. If she is getting into something and you cant simply move the item, tell her No and pick her up and move her away from it. Keep doing this as many times as it takes. I would say when she is closer to 2 you could start introducing a smack on the butt or hand but for now keep redirecting her.
2006-11-17 02:21:55 · answer #8 · answered by sea_sher 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Don't take her crying personally. In fact, I would say that sometimes babies do need to tell their parents "how it is" - they need to communicate their feelings. They are people too.
I have never hit my 20 month old, and I will never hit him. I was reared without being hit (ever) and I have never had a discipline problem- I was never even in trouble in grade school.
13 month olds need love and patience - not punishment.
And all of you who keep saying "hit the baby", that's just sick. How would you like it if someone 10 times your size grabbed you up and struck you on your read end? You'dbe hurt, frightened and humiliated.
When you know that there are other ways to produce a happy, well-behaved child, why would you choose to hit?
I don't understand people who like hitting little children.
Oh, and with regards to "respect", I respect both my parents immensely - more because they had the self-control to avoid striking me, and the intelligence to rear me well.
2006-11-18 15:22:24 · answer #9 · answered by Nakia T 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Time outs do work on 13 month olds....I have a 28 month old, a 17 month old and an 8 week old....both my older children know the time out stool....you are suppose to sit 1 minute for each year of life....that is their attention span....my 17mo still fights the time out occasionally but sit at her level while she is on the stool and talk to her about what she is doing bad....when she finishes her punishment and is calmer give her a hug and let her know you still love her, but you do not like her bad behavior...also only use the time out stool or spot for punishment...that way she relates the punishment for bad behavior....good luck
2006-11-17 03:11:27 · answer #10 · answered by OwlGirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋