I have a 4 and a half year old daughter that dislikes going to her dads. Her reason is he yells and tells her off alot but i think there is more to it then that. For the first year of her life she did not have contact with him till about 3 and a half years ago and im wondering if its because of that maybe she hasnt bonded with him but shes saying at the moment "i dont like boys" but she says she likes my boyfriend of 2 and a half years but she hates her dad. If you have a situation like this i would love to here from you coz i dont know if she is scared or if he has done something even bigger than yelling to scare her
2006-11-17 01:48:10 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Right away my first thoughts are something happened. Please get someone in the family to talk to her, someone that she likes.. your sisters,or someone.
They usually can't tell Mom, but an Auntie is different.
If that don't work, please have someone ask her some questions.. like some sort of organization in your area that deals with 'incest'.
I really feel that this is some sign she's trying to tell you something. It's always said that if a child has fears of being alone with someone then they are usually sexually abusing them.
I hope this isn't the case.. but, please take some precautions just in case. as you never know till you get down to the heart of the matter.
2006-11-17 02:32:18 · answer #1 · answered by Jas 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have a talk w/her father b/c he should not be yelling at her. Also, could there be more that she is possibly not telling you? I do not mean anything bad, just maybe he is spanking her and she is ashamed/afraid to say that?
My daughter is currently 9 and has not liked going to her dads (she started going when she was 3). Although I am not for sure of the exact reason, she started to refuse about 6 months after she started visiting him and I started leaving it up to her. Now, as stated earlier, she is 9 and still does not go see him, but that is her decision.
2006-11-17 11:05:22 · answer #2 · answered by RainCloud 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dads are really important to kids. Even if the kids don't like going. Just remember that she will pick up on your feelings and will express your feelings as her own. Kids are really good at picking out what their parents are feelings.
Also consider that she may very well be saying to Dad when it is time to return to you, "I don't want to go back to Mum, she yells at me." whether that is true or not. Also men's voices are deeper and children sometimes feel like they are being yelled at when in fact Dad has just lowered his voice to make a sterner approach.
She will of course say the she likes your boyfriend, simply because you do. If she sense you hate her dad then she will say she does too.
Things are not gunna change as far as access goes so the best thing to do is to accept she is going to go to access visits with her dad and she needs to find the good things about that and your role is to help her find the good things about being with dad.
Like you say she didn't have that early bonding with her dad and that can make it a bit harder for her to be with him but it would be worse still if she never got to bond with him at all.
Best of luck with this.
2006-11-17 15:03:44 · answer #3 · answered by wollemi_pine_writer 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would definitely look into it further. For a child to tell you they don't like going to their dads and to be able to voice that, I'd listen. Your child is trying to tell you something. Something may or may not have happened to them. The yelling and and telling her off may be enough to make her not want to go back. That is very hard on a child. It sounds like he has a temper and if he does I would watch my child around him and maybe see if it would be best for her to not see him. Sometimes what we think is the best may not really be the best. If she hasn't really known him and you are sending her to basically a stranger, she might be scared and confused. You have to do what is best for your child first and above anything else. If the environment you are sending her to isn't good, then don't send her. It sounds like you might be sending her into a danger zone.
2006-11-17 10:00:57 · answer #4 · answered by hanevkidz2 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't like my father either if he yelled at me all the time. My kids went through and are still going through absolute hatred of their bio father, and we've been divorced for slightly more than 11 years. If she feels unloved by him, she'll always fight you on going to her fathers. Ask your ex what he sees of the situation, and then if all else fails, go to court and ask for supervised visitation only until there's a bond between father and daughter.
2006-11-17 09:58:36 · answer #5 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Isn't yelling enough? Why didn't YOU like her dad? That aught to give you your answer.
Besides, kids don't like change and disruption. She just wants to stay home with her normal routine.
2006-11-17 09:57:37 · answer #6 · answered by Phoenix, Wise Guru 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Something wrong...you know there is....don't second guess your intuition...it's rarely ever wrong....
2006-11-17 10:40:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋