OK. We've all had our moments for sure where we think we don't deserve whatever it is, but it gets a little more complicated and hurtful when it's in a relationship. So, for anybody w/ chronic self-esteem issues and are ok admitting to it, here's my situation. (Just take it on my word) We love each other, but she has told me more than a few times I am "too good" for her. Now I know all the suppositions but I really think she thinks that way. What can I do to show her otherwise? It's like she wants it, but inevitably something in her head tells her she shouldn't have it. Any insight? Just keep doing what I'm doing (even though it's not working)?
2006-11-17 01:21:53 · 22 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The problem is that YOU cannot MAKE her change her mind. You are in the relationship and part of the equation. You are too close to it and she does not differentiate you from herself in the matter of opinion regarding her....Get counseling.
She needs to speak with someone outside of the relationship that has the know-how to help guide her in dealing with her own issues...You see, you are trying to fix her by telling her what 'is' and what 'isn't' You might as well talk to the wall...because even if she says "fine, you're right. I will stop." she has not solved a problem, she has merely replaced a problem with a temporary solution that will fall apart in time.
She needs to see her issue, deal with her issue and begin to heal her issue before you you and she can begin to heal your relationship.
I realise this goes agains the natural grain of how people are when it comes to self and relationships...we think we can fix it and if the person truly loved us they would just listen to what we say and everything will be all-right. Unfortunately, this is not the case. There really does need to be someone trained and not involved in the relationship (like parents, family and friends) to help moderate the whole healing process.
You also have to have some empathy with your girl...though ou may not completely understnad why she would feel like this...it is a very real and daunting situation for her. Do not partonize her or get defensive with her and her feelings...But don't let her push you around with them either...You may even want to talk with her counselor to see how you can most effectively and lovingly support her while she is sorting all this out...
2006-11-17 02:05:35 · answer #1 · answered by silverback487 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
specific that's actual.those that have low self esteem all have it from distinctive motives in there existence.One could sense unattractive,by way of fact of facial constructive properties or physique areas,and so on.each so often whilst people unconsciously entice abusive people its,by way of fact they have witnessed abuse of their lifetime so even although its incorrect and it hurts its what they're used to. it is not an elementary component to handle.as much as now as your self self belief do no longer project approximately what different people appear as if or what style tendencies are in. Do what seems good on you. Ex. hairstyle,makeup,outfits,and so on.save telling your self you seem good and with your great character that no possible actual you.finally others will see that your constructive and have not have been given any selection yet to appreciate and renowned you.then you definately will consciously make the splendid judgements approximately who you date on account which you will care adequate approximately your self.
2016-10-22 06:10:13 · answer #2 · answered by crabbs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have low self steem issues myself and some how i feel like i refused to be completlly happy everytime i feel good somehow i say or do something to put myself down again i feel like the self steem issue makes you an unhappy person and you refuse happiness because it is scary to be happy for a while and then loose all maybe she is just scared or she doesnt feel comfortable enough yet do things with her show her you love her but mainly be her friend try to understand what is going on in her head if you really care about her you will help her to snap out of it i wish i was that lucky and the key word is communication best of luck
2006-11-17 01:38:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ha I don't know. I've come to the realization that I have issues from competing with my sister as a child and her being better has caused me to be withdrawn around her, I avoid all competitions (I have since I remember skating when I quit that it was because I was told I had to start competing) But I'm certain this has affected other areas of my life. I sabotage relationships, even if I WANT them, because I know I'm not good enough for it. I can't tell you if she has any of the same issues, but try to reassure her about her good qualities, but don't over do it. That's the excuse I used for my last guy - he was just too nice to me it seemed fake.
okay... so I have issues, hopefully your gf doesn't!!
2006-11-17 01:30:57 · answer #4 · answered by Marie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow thatsucks sorry , maybe you should let her go and see how she feels after the break up. i know thats probably something that you dont wanna do and it will be hard. if you let her go for a little while then you can really see just how much she loves you. if she says that you deserve more then maybe thats her way of telling you without hurting you that after awhile she feels differently about u and wants to be friends i know all this seem negative but if you let her go give her time and see how much she loves you and how much she truley cares.
try and respond back to me
2006-11-17 01:30:34 · answer #5 · answered by *[Hanna]* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep pointing out as many of her good qualities as you can. And watch out for depression. low self esteem leads to depression.
http://www.stresscenter.com
1-800-994-9428
It is worth every penny
It is the best help there is . I tried psychologist and medication and it did not work for me. but this did
2006-11-17 01:33:23 · answer #6 · answered by anita_reel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't have low self-esteem, you are to stupid to kow that she is trying to dump you and let you down easy. Get a grip man!
If you don't believe me then try not going to see her or call her and after about a solid month of that you'll see that she really doesn't care.
2006-11-17 01:30:59 · answer #7 · answered by Mr. Right 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she believes it, in which case your relationship is an uphill battle. She will not be capable of true, mature love until she loves herself. Is she important enough to you to help her work through this, if so, go to couples counselling. Other option, she only loves herself and she says this into manipulating you to feed her ego.
2006-11-17 01:29:56 · answer #8 · answered by jazzman6812 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's really not thinking of breaking up, and she's saying that, than just let her know, what you love about her, what makes her special to you.
Sometimes a person can feel they aren't good at anything, and it really helps when others show them their strenghts.
2006-11-17 01:33:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She cannot cope with a long term rlationship I don't think there is anything you can do to stop her way of thinking just be prepared to break up as I think this is where this is going good luck to u
2006-11-17 01:29:01 · answer #10 · answered by bridgettemarie123@yahoo.com 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋