Does it sound like he is unfaithful to you?

Question

Okay, I really need some HELPFUL advice. My boyfriend of 9 months is acting rather unfaithful. Two days ago he text-messaged one of his friends (who happens to be a girl) while I wasnt around and asked her this question: "Why didn't anything ever happen between us?"
I heard about it through the grapevine, and I called the girl he text-messaged and asked her myself if it was true. She told me YES, he DID text-message her and she wrote him back and said 'Cause I see you as a friend, and thats it'.
Extremely pissed and confused, I confronted him that night (we live together in an apartment) and he told me he "was just curious. it was about somthing in the past. Its not a big deal" and got defensive. I think it IS a big deal! My friends (and even the girl he text-messaged) thinks it is a big deal, too. Every time I try and talk about it, he gets mad and says 'Im not having this conversation again. I already told you I was just curious" I think hes lying to me. He thinks im overreacting

i talked to the girl a second time. she told me that she talked to him again and asked him 'why did you ask me that question?' he said "i was just curious. why? are you thinking about it too?"

Answer 1

It doesn't necessarily mean he's being unfaithful, but he is at least being insensitive.

He needs to understand that, whether he was "just curious" or not, the very fact that he was considering other romantic partners at all, even in an idle fashion, hurts you because it suggests he's losing interest in you.

Try explaining this to him without accusing him of anything (and if he tries to brush you off again, ask that he listen because it's important to you). Explain why his action hurt you, and how you need to be reassured that he isn't losing interest in you or thinking about being with other women.

If he can't or won't make the effort to understand that, then you should consider leaving him - unfaithful or not, it doesn't sound like he's very willing to connect with you.

EDIT: Okay, if he actually asked her "why, are you thinking about it too?", then it could be more than idle curiosity. If he doesn't make the effort to understand or reassure you, then leave him - he clearly doesn't care enough about you.

Answer 2

It is a big deal. The fact that he was hiding this from you, gets defensive and doesn't want to talk about it, may mean he's lying. You are not overreacting, listen to your friends, plus the girl he texted thinks its a big deal as well, for god's sake. Fact is, your relationship has lasted for 9 months and he's showing signs of unfaithfulness. If I were you I'd dump him, once trust is broken, in any form, way or manner, specially if its about fidelity, it's time to call it quits.

Answer 3

If he isn't being unfaithful, he sounds well on his way to going down that road. As someone who was cheated on MANY MANY times, let these clues help you. If he starts dressing differently when he leaves the house (dressing nicer and whatnot), he goes in the other room to make/accept phone calls, and he gets defensive when he asks you about it. Its very hard to find a good man, but they do exist. Don't waste your time being suspicious and unhappy.

Answer 4

Okay, so he got curious. Forgive him now, and give him a second chance. Tell him gently that you feel bad when he talks like that to other girls. Then go on, as if nothing happened. Don't mention that event over and over to him. Once you've decided to forgive him, then forget it too. The next time he does it though, he will not blame you anymore if you drop him flat on his face. Good luck.

Answer 5

that was an a$$hole move, in my opinion.
why didnt he ask her that before, when
he didnt have a girlfriend? i dont think hes
being unfaithful to you; theres no evidence
of it, anyway. but he does sound like a liar.
and liars are apt to become unfaithful. so
if i were you, i would definitely do something
about this. little things like this can be forgiven
in time, but it takes a lot of strong conversation
to get to the point of forgivness. if you cant talk
about it, you wont get through it. trust and
communication are the basic foundation of the
relationship. without those, everything will crumble.

good luck, sweets.
:]

Answer 6

Woah. i'm sorry yet he does not sound like somebody you may believe sweety, additionally, in case you may no longer believe him i do no longer see the element in staying with him, a healthful relationship desires believe and your relationship only does not. He should not be asserting issues like that to you, that's incosiderate and makes you experience as while you're actually not stable sufficient, at 26 he might desire to recognize this. i might wreck it off - you're 26, what might you do in case you adult men ended up marrying and having youngsters and you hit upon out he's cheating? it might injury each and every thing! i recognize that's asking in line with threat too a approaches forward yet you do no longer prefer to finally end up being a divorced single mom, wreck it off mutually as you may, do no longer take any opportunities in this guy

Answer 7

Honestly, it doesn't sound like he is being unfaithful, but that he was having a sentimental moment and wanted to know why it didn't work out with that girl.

However, if that happened to be my boyfriend, I would be pissed off too! It was insensitive and rude and wrong.

Still, I don't get the feeling he is cheating.

Answer 8

I think it is a big deal. If he were completely happy with his relationship with you, why would he be asking that to another girl?

Answer 9

He's lying to you and wants to cheat if he already hasn't. You need to get rid of him ASAP. you are not overracting! You have every right to ask him about it. Him not wanting to talk about it is what's the problem. I hope you get out soon.

Answer 10

If this is the first time it has happened I really wouldn't worry about it but if it becomes an often occurrence then yes you should worry.