family vs. the one you love?

Question

i'm having a problem with my family. they are against my boyfriend, they said i don't have a future with him. you see, he has a daughter from a previous relationship. my parents said that i would only have a hard time because my boyfriend's attention would always be divided, that i would always be second priority to her daughter. my parents wouldn't allow me to see him.. i really love this guy.. we've been trying to tell my parents that his intentions are good. but they are still adamant about it. i'm already 24 yrs. old, i have a job but i'm still living with my parents. i want my parents to accept us.. what should i do?..

Answer 1

well you shouldnt want a man who didnt give proper attention to any children he had
and to oppose someone based on the fact they have a child, to me is shallow

also, while its nice if your parents accept and approve of him, its not neccessary, but they must accept your decisions
its not even a question of putting the child first, as an adult , everyone must learn to juggle, at times each person in your life must come first, even sometimes you must put yourself first,

as a parent of a young adult daughter who lives with me,,,,,,, i accept her decisions, but do voice my concerns when she has dated someone i didnt really care for

Answer 2

That's a tough one. You're old enough to make your own decisions, and your own mistakes, this is what we like to call LIFE!!! I've been there, and it gets better the longer you're together, and as the child mellows out, and finally realizes you're not taking him from her mom.She'll probably be a brat for awhile, this is normal.Does he have a job, that will support you and him? Does he just have visitation, or is it Not court ordered? By the way ask your mom what her parents thought of your dad, when they started dating, and vise-versa and If any was negative, ask them did THEY Listen to their parents, obviously no, or you wouldn't be here.Or ask your grandparents themselves, If you can.You're 24, how old is he? My step-daughter is around 34, so, a little older, but she's dating a guy who is 48.We told her over and over,he has 5 kids, and we finally gave up.You're too old to be forbidden to do ANYTHING. You might be thrown out, but this might be a good thing.If you're still in college,STAY THERE.You've got time.If not, depending how long he's been your b/f, and how far you've gone, see if he want's a roomie.Then I bet your parents will offer you to stay at home and still see him..Facing the alternative, even If It's a bluff.The last thing. If he is considerably older, and doesn't have a decent job,career, or future where he's at, wait until he does. You don't want to eat bologna, and pb&j for five years.....

Answer 3

It is your decision. You're not a child you're 24 your family should respect your decision to be with him and should trust your decision-making skills.

To be honest his daughter *will* always come first. A child should always be the first priority in a parent's life. They should always come before any love interest.

I'm assuming he's chosen to be active in his daughters life? You should be proud of him for being a good father and certainly shouldn't be trying to compete with his daughter!

Of course he's going to be giving his attention to his daughter but that doesn't mean that it will negatively impact your relationship with him.

You should support him and if the relationship does get very serious with this man you could have an opportunity to be a wonderful part of his daughters life.

Him having a daughter doesn't have to be a bad thing, it can be a wonderful thing. It's all up to you.


-Elise

Answer 4

I would absolutely hope that you would be a second priority to his own child! If that wasn't the case, he'd be a tremendous disappointment as a father and it's most definitely worth pointing this out to your parents when they object. Would they rather you date a man who does NOT put a child before a relationship? He needs to be given credit for being a good father rather than his parenting being used as ammunition against your relationship.

It will be easier as soon as you're able to get your own place, of course. You're an adult, you have every right in the world to make whatever decisions you please. And when that time comes, the turmoil will lessen. Take it all in stride, you'll pull through this just fine. Good luck and good for you to choose a man who knows what's important to him.

Answer 5

First of all, you are an adult, however you are still living under their roof. You need to move out on your own and see what that's like first before you commit to anyone. The truth is that his child probably will come before you alot of times and you'll have to learn to be understanding of his ex also. Remember that she will be part of his life for the next 18 years. You have alot to think about. Your parents are just worried about you and your future, they're not being mean...just concerned. Take the first step and get out on your own before you make any big decisions.

Answer 6

They're right that his daughter will always be first. That's your choice to make though. If the only reason they don't like him is he has a child then I don't see anything valid to complain about. It's very hard to be involved w/ someone w/ children don't rush into anything permanent until you see how he reacts in certain situations. Living in your parents home doesn't mean you have to follow their rules when it comes to who to date; at 24 you're an adult

Answer 7

i had a similar situation when i met my hubby only it was my mum telling my hubby cos i already 2 kids.

thank god it didnt put him off we been married 9yrs now and have 2 more kids together.

if i were you id tell your parents to mind their own business its your life and you have to live it as you want to regardless of weather its a mistake or not.

mistakes are made for you to learn from so you dont make them again.

your 24yrs old you dont need their permission to see this guy if he is what you really want then go for it. if things dont work out you'll get all the i told you so's from your parents but they will be there to pick up the pieces with you cos thats what parents do when they love you and if their not then they aint worth worrying about.

move out show them you can stand on your own two feet and live your life.

Answer 8

keep trying no matter what.

if you really love this guy and he loves you then it's worth all the aggravation.

your family are looking out for you, which is a good thing. but they don't see him the way you see him. take some of the advice given already and get them together and let them learn about each other. it's so important that your family learn that he is a good guy and has decent qualities so they can make a fair and less subjective judgement about him.

i wish you all the best in this, and know that you can get through it together.

Answer 9

Ask if they have any more relevant issues with him that they are hiding. My older sister was engaged to someone we thought was manipulative, and it took the whole family a long time to be brave enough to go beyond "we're just not sure about him".
Then, if they have a more valid reason, consider it. Otherwise if you are happy with the amount of attention you are getting and are willing to act as a mother to his child, I see no reason why you couldn't have a lovely, fulfilling relationship.

Answer 10

You're 24 y.o.
I would expected you to know already whether what your parents told you is a right thing or not (about the love). And also you should ask yourself, if it were true, that you would be his number two, would you like it and accept it?