I spent yesterday evening being a good friend to a girl I know. Her boyfriend split up with her on monday and she needed a good shoulder to cry on. She is flat broke and hasnt eaten in days so i travelled over there took her and her little girl an indian and gave her a card at the end of the evening with £100 in to help towards getting her car fixed and putting food on the plate while she applies for a new job (she moved back to the area to be near her now ex). I'm doing all the right things to be a good mate, but the problem is I fancy her like crazy and have done for months. When we met up just after the last time they split up we hugged for like 20mins and she told me she felt a spark between us but still had feelings for her ex, so i backed off. Now she's so hurt i want to tell her so much i care for her, but I think I should just be a mate until her heart heals a bit then tell her? She hates men right now understandably but I am hoping I can show her we're not all alike. Comments?
2006-11-16 20:00:39 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are one great guy. Wish I knew some more like you. Let her have some time to get over her ex and then when the time is right to hint to her again you'll know. The only warning I would give is, don't give too much of yourself that you may be hurt- eg giving her money when she may never want you two to be anything more than "good friends" don't let her use you because if she things you still like her but are a soft touch and if she's feeling hurt right now, it might be 2nd nature for her to crave attention even when she may not want the same sort of attention that you have in mind to give her (ie.g/bfriend type) All the best and know that the right one is out there for you even if its not her. You sound like a great support to her when she needed someone most, but don't neglect your own needs :)
2006-11-16 20:25:00 · answer #1 · answered by bebop 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let her get over her last relationship. It would not be wise to make a move whilst she is so vulnerable. In the short term it may be satisfying to you to have her, and she may enjoy the comfort that you bring but in the long term she may realise that she doesn't have really genuine deep feelings for you and may resent you for making her feel confused and guilty. Sift your motives. Are you being a good friend or are you 'helping' her and her daughter because you want something in return? If in a years time she met someone else and fell head over heels in love with them would you be happy for her? It does sound like she needs a friend. However, she feels safe with you because she has control in your relationship - she knows that you will do anything to make her happy, and that she can take it or leave it. You also need to protect yourself here. Be a friend, but also have some restraint and boundaries. She will respect you more and may even desire you if she knows that she cannot have you on a plate. By this I don't mean that you should start playing games, just have some criteria of your own before you give your all. Stand back and take a good look at the situation. Don't settle for someone who needs you. What can she do for you? Does she have the strength and the wisdom to enrich your life?
2006-11-16 20:24:50 · answer #2 · answered by Moglai 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well let me say that the fact that she turns to you is a very postive sign for u. If you are patient and say the right words, im sure she you 2 would be more than friends. My advice is not to tell her everything about what u feel. you can say something like:
" i understand that you want to be alone. I am here for u, and i do care for u alot. I cant see u upset like this, so whenever u need me, just tell me and i will come to u, and listen to u. Take all the time u need to heal and get over that guy. I will here with u, there is no pressure on my side. "
then maybe brush her hair aside and give her a soft kiss on the cheek.
im sure she would respond good. well thats what my adive, best of luck with whatever u do.
2006-11-16 20:12:49 · answer #3 · answered by rooney 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a good friend will show here in time that not all men are like her ex. Show her you can and will take care for her and be there for her.
Don't force yourself on her as that may just push her away - Just be what you know and can be a good friend. Everything hopefully will work out.
Besides right now she has to be there for her little girl and you being a friend is enough for her right now. You rush into a relationship with her it will just be off the rebound therefore her mind frame may ruin things.
Are you sure you want to be in a relationship with her as what might happen is that you get with her but then you spoil the friendship you both ave built therefore you will lose your friend too... think about but give her time...
Hope works out in a way best for you..
x
2006-11-16 20:12:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a lovely caring person you are. Giving her money and taking time to make sure her and her daughter are being looked after. I think you deserve a pat on the back for that.
As for a relationship more than just friendship, hold tight hang in there and be patient. I think although she feels something for you she is airing on the side of caution and I would just wait a while.
There's nothing worse than someone who is on the rebound so she is doing you both a favour by not wading in there. Take time and just remain friends for now. Let her make the moves and carry on as normal. One day it may be romance, I hope it is
Take care
2006-11-16 20:09:27 · answer #5 · answered by Scatty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that's extreamly sweet of you to willingly look after her and her little girl. Most men would run if they saw kids were involved! I think the way you are playing things are the right way. Dont burn bridges with here before they are made. Keep your distance, but i would suggest that you flirt with her slightly to see her reaction and that will also make her feel better about herself that someone fancies her. But play it cool, nothing too sudden. Maybe offer to sleep over one night snd say you dont want to leave two beautiful women alone, but insist on sleeping on the couch! But dont get your hopes up too high cause she can so easily go back to her ex and then you will get hurt! But wishing you all the best!
2006-11-16 20:26:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was that girl to a guy as great as you.
He was there for me when I broke up with a real loser. I was very untrusting after that and a little emotionally worn out. That guy took me out, cheered me up, listened endlessly to my problems gave me space and became my best freind. We've now been together for over two years and moving in together.
One day I looked at this guy and realised how wonderful he was and how good he had been to me without asking for too much in return. I have never been happier.
Support her as much as you can, but keep it light. No pressure just fun and understanding. Im sure when she is feeling better the light will shine and she see will what a fantasic guy you are.
Good luck honey. You are one of the good guys and they DONT come last.
2006-11-16 20:24:44 · answer #7 · answered by nycgrl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the best you can do is really offer your support as a friend, if she fancies you then in time when she has gotten over her ex she may consider a relationship with you, it must be hard for her especially as she has got a little girl. You sound like such a lovely person so be careful, I wouldn't like to hear that she just used you .....and us girls don't really like men to be 'too nice' it puts us off!! Make sure you get on with your own life too - she will be feeling like she needs someone in her life I expect as she is so hurt but just be careful she isn't on the rebound.......Take care
2006-11-16 20:10:38 · answer #8 · answered by Littlestar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good luck! If youre okay with waiting, than do it... but it sounds like you have been patient for quite a while. If that's the case, just let her know. Some people will take friends for granted and then they turn into one of those bitter nice-guys-finish-last guys, which is the last thing you want to do. (Nicely put) Eventually tell her how you feel and if she isn't willing to move on and let her ex go, then why wait.
2006-11-16 20:09:48 · answer #9 · answered by .:miss:. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are such a sweetie...to do so much for your friend. Wait until you know for certain she is not going back to her ex. At that time, tell her your feelings and tell her you want her. Telling a woman how much you want her can be so powerful. Until then, continue to be a good friend. Allow her to find her footing. Spend more time with her and her daughter. Bond with them. It makes love and love making even better when there are lots more deeper, sincere, true feelings as the base to build upon. :-)
2006-11-16 20:11:55 · answer #10 · answered by happykat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋