My 6 y/o throws a temper tantrum over practically everything. How can we curb this behavior?

Question

She throws bad tantrums over everything... when we ask her to clean up her mess or do chores even when we all do them together, has no focus during homework even when we sit with her. Yesterday was very cold outside and she refused to dress for the weather and started screaming and crying. The teachers asked her to put ski pants on and she layed on the floor crying. She doesn't like to be told what to do and I don't allow her to get away with this behaviour, I send her to her room and take away her toys. My bf has been lenient in the past but has started enforcing more dicipline now. But it obviously isn't enough and her tanturms are getting worse. We've had a noise complaint in our apartment because of her screaming her head off at 7:30am

Answer 1

First let me say, there is NOTHING wrong with your little girl. She is normal as can be.

She needs consequences, sending her to her room to calm down is a great first step. This alone is fine for children under the age of 4. This gives them enough time to grow out of this stage on their own. For older children (5+) they must learn that this behavior will not be tolerated anymore.

It's up to you, but this is what we do with our girls ages (7, and 10) if they pulled the tantrum thing over the age of 5. They get a spanking. Mind you I don't mean a few swats, I am talking about a spanking right out of the 50s pants/underwear down over the lap for at least a dozen swats. Don't just do the swat thing, I don't think that teaches them anything. My older 2 girls never throw tantrums anymore. If you do this though, you have to be consistent. Don't just spank her one time, you have to be on the ball with it, every time. Also you have to wait until she is calm before spanking, yes even if that means waiting 2 hours, she is 6, she still remembers what she did.

Hang in there mom
Best of luck to you, I know how the tantrum thing goes, lol



PS KEEP YOUR BOYFRIEND OUT OF THE DISCIPLINE. If this makes him upset, have him leave. Also - If you take my advise, never, NEVER allow him to spank her. He doesn't share the same attachment to her as you do, he could easily go overboard and abuse her. Don't let him do that.
Be strong mom, you can do it!!!!

Answer 2

Sounds to me like she wants attention, and is getting it.

You might want to try time outs. It's also possible that there are parental attention conflicts.

Take a look at all relationships. Is you bf her father or is there another parent? If her father is elsewhere she may need to establish a relationship of some sort with him or improve the one that may already exist.

You could check into family counseling, which is normally cost free if your church offers it.

Your little girl wants attention, she wants to assert herself and she is communicating this to you in the way she thinks will be most effective. Try to go to the root of the problem rather than just dealing with the symptoms.

At heart she probably is not a terribly bad kid. Reinforce any positive behavior through praise and rewards.

Answer 3

Maybe have her psychologically evaluated. This is unusual behavior for a 6 year old. My son has Asberger's syndrome and there is a lot of "Aawwwww mooooom" about 10-12 times a day, which tries my patience to no end. He will still do what he is told after he gripes, because he knows I will crack his bare bum. His behavior is immature for his age, but knowing his psychological disadvantage, I can approach the situation more calmly. (Never spank a child when you are upset or angry!)

Also, focus on how you ask her to do things? Are you just barking order after order? Or are you using a tone that is pleasing and induces compliance?

Answer 4

Even though I think that the best person who can answer this question is you, because children have to be educated according to their behavior and character, I can provide you some suggestions:
1. Make her understand that there is no bargaining between you and her: if you say something she has to do it. On the other hand make her understand that if she behaves well you will be more flexible.
2. Try to make her good-mood moments as pleasing as possible, so that she will feel the difference between when she behaves well and when she behaves badly.
3. Talk to her and explain to her when it is possible why it is useless to behave badly, and why it is important to obey to an adult.
4. try to identify what she likes most so that when you have to punish her you can think of taking away a toy that she really cares about.
In the end the goal is to make your daughter feel as much as possible the difference between a happy family when she behaves well and an angry family when she behaves badly.

Good luck!

Answer 5

Temper Tantrumes are HARD! But not so hard that they cant be fixed. When she does that, walk away. She is doing that for your benefit. If you arent there.. she doesnt have an audience. Kids throw them for attention. She wants attention from you. I am not saying that you dont pay attention to her, just that she requires more. Walk away and tell her.. "when you are finished, I will be in the kitchen. When you can use your WORDS to tell me something that you are feeling, you can come in there." WALK AWAY. She will think" WHAT? Why isnt she paying attention.??" When she comes in.. Telll her how proud of her that you are for showing what a big girl she can be. Tell her the chore that you want her to do again. If she throws another fit.. walk away. Always keep your voice low. Do not yell. That only escalates the situation. If you yell, she wants to yell louder so you hear her. and then you yell so she can hear you....etc. Always make sure you praise her for a job well done. Make a HUGE deal if she does something when you ask it. I usually tell my daughter.. You did something great for me.. now let me do something for you. Do something small for her... she will love the positive attention that her new attitude creates. When she doesnt want to put on her coat, tell her that you are putting yours on first.. make a game. and when you win (and she doesnt put hers on...) jump up and down and say I WIN I WIN.. and ask her if she wants to play again to see if she can win. Just be positive and remember to walk away. Praise positive behavior. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Okay this is a tough time for you and your boyfriend but what she is doing and the way she is acting is completely normal for a child of her age, and she will eventually grow out of it but for now to keep the tantrums at bay, and it worked for me I would recommend playing her at her own game.
She is a six yr old right? No longer a baby........its is really important for a six yr old to feel like they are grown up so take that priviledge away from her it is the only one that matters.
How do you do this? You tell her that as long as she acts like a baby she will be treated like a baby. Put her to bed an hour earlier,give her a nap time at the weekends. sit her in a play pen,don't let her play in a friends house if she is invited,don't take her to the movies-tell her she is too immature to behave herself in the movies,spoon feed her her meals if necessary.
I know it all sounds very dramatic but what you and your bf have to deal with requires a dramatic response it is fast acting so you won't have to do it for long.....IT WORKS so please don't dismiss it,give it a go you might be surprised by its merit

Answer 7

Excuse me, did you say your BOYFRIEND has been lenient?? Why is he involved at all in her discipline, unless he's the dad??

1) Spend less time w/the BF and more time with the child.
2) Do scheduled FUN things together (just you and her), so that if she does misbehave, you can use that as a lost privilege.
3) Is this a new behavior? Have her checked out by your MD - and perhaps a therapist if it continues.
4) Depression can occur in infants, even, so please don't just assume this is going to pass.

Answer 8

A part of me says "Beat her lil' a**!" But you might not want to go that route. I believe most children act out in this manner becuase they want attention, so you have to do the exact opposite. When she decides to scream and yell because things don't go her way, ignore her. Go on like you don't see her. She'll eventually get tired and realize that it isn't working. As far as her being disobedient, you just have to be REALLY stern; let her know that you are the adult. She doesn't want to put on her snowboots, fine. You MAKE her do it and enforce the consequences for her actions (be creative).

Answer 9

Yessum, throw a tantrum should you want, however love me nonetheless. In my presence you're reliable, allow it trill. Not all can write a sonnet like ancient Will. And I have obtained to head and take a tablet.

Answer 10

I shocked my six year old out of tantrums by imitating him in a shopping centre. He was so embarrassed he never did it again.. when he would go into tantrum mode, i would threaten to do it too... he would stop.

And a big hug for living with tantrums. Its hard.