Breastfeeding question?

Question

California Child Visitation and Father's time spend?
Hi everyone, my baby girl is 7 months old and she is strictly on breastmilk. She has started on solides (baby cerals/veggies/fruits), what her peditrician has said. However she doesn't know like formula. She likes the real stuff. (breastmilk) She will not take a bottle as well. Point being is, we are in the court process of child custody & visitation. Overnight stays are not feesible with the father, due to breastfeeding. I am not going to give my daughter she doesn't want and not going to make a fast transition if she isn't ready. She'll be ready when she is ready. Generally, can the courts rule that she is with him for a certain amount of time due to breastfeeding.

***I do know a friend of mine who got her baby's father to only spend 2 hrs with his son because he was being breastfeed.***THIS IS ALL IN CALIFORNIA***

Answer 1

You cannot be forced to give your child formula. You may be asked if you can pump, and help your child take a bottle. You may have to try many different bottles and/or nipples to you find one she can take. I tell you this playing devil's advocate because I am PRO breastfeeding, and I never gave my child a bottle or pumped either!! However, the courts will believe that these are reasonable questions, so be prepared to answer!!

Consult with your attorney, but do some homework yourself! I am going through the same thing, but I have been dragging my feet, and prolonging the process because I am not ready for the overnights. :( That being said, I understand that dad wants (and needs) to be a part of our child's life. It's going to happen come January and I think we'll be ready.

What dad & I have done is have frequent, shorter visits. When he brings our child home, he will do the bedtime routine, bath, books, bed. I have worked hard to have a good relationship with dad because our child needs his dad.

Good luck!!

Answer 2

While I am not familiar with California law, I doubt it is very specific on this subject. What the court will probably do is apply a " best interests" test - what is in the best interest of the child. Your lawyer is going to have to argue that, as the AAP recommends, it is in the best interest of the child to get the majority of his nutrition from breastmilk for at least a year. Unfortunately, your lawyer may not be familiar with the legal arguments he or she should make, so you may have to help educate him/her. Here are some articles that may help:

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/law.shtml
http://www.lalecheleague.org/Law/LawVisitation.html
http://www.lalecheleague.org/Law/FamilyLaw.html
http://www.realsavvymoms.com/parenting/article.php?article=26&category2=10
http://www.compromisesolutions.com/breastfeeding_law.asp

Of course, if you and your ex can work out an agreed custody plan, that would be the best. Most judges will just sign off on a plan which both parties agree to.

Answer 3

Talk to your attorney, here in Michigan dads get visitation for only a few hours but 3 to 4 times per week, if the mother is strictly breast feeding a child under 12 months

Answer 4

I have no knowledge of California laws, but your attorney should be able to clear up the legal aspects for you. I have a 16 month old daughter that is still nursing and am at the beginning of a divorce, too. Her daddy understands how important it is and we're planning visitation around her needs, without the court's intervention. We agree on open visitations although overnight stays are out of the question at this time. It's all about what's best for the child.

Try talking to her dad. Don't make it personal by allowing your anger towards him appear to be the reason for restricting his time with his daughter. Divorce can get ugly and in the end it's the children who suffer the most. My soon-to-be ex's first wife kept taking time with the kids away from him little by little and now they resent it and want to live with their dad full time. While at this point she needs more time with you, don't undermine the importance of a loving relationship with her daddy, too, it'll affect her adult relationships with men in the future.

Meanwhile, try introducing a sippy cup with water and/or diluted clear juices. You can make up a bag for daddy's visits with jarred foods and a prepared sippy cup. That way you'll feel better knowing she has approved foods with her and you don't have to be so restrictive about how long he takes her out for. I did this for my baby's daddy and he just brings her back when she needs some mommy time.

Remember that even though your not married any more, you will both always be her parents. Don't put her in the middle or make her feel like she has to choose between you. Let her be comfortable when both of her parents are around and never make her feel like it's wrong for her to love her dad. Bite your tongue and talk to friends and family if you need to vent, but never in front of your daughter. Same goes if you ever need to confront her dad about anything. Don't put him down or argue with him if she can hear you. She shouldn't feel a need to defend her love for her dad. Of course he should do the same!

If you find it difficult to discuss these things with him without arguing, try writing it all down. Choose your words carefully and stay on topic. Then you can ask him to read it all the way through before you discuss it. Assure him that you're not trying to cut him out of his daughter's life. You both need to do what's best for her. Good luck!