My ex left me about 5 years ago. I was very broken hearted and have been single ever since. I have been unable to see myself with anyone else. We have not talked to eachother since the breakup. Last weekend she was invited to a birthday party that my daughter and I were also invited to, so obviously we spoke. I knew in advance that she would be there but thought that maybe I was over her because of how much time had passed. Well, I was wrong. When I saw her, she was as beautiful to me as the day I asked her to marry me, and I still have all the emotions to go with it. She cam over to my house that night and we had a few beer and caught up on some of the last couple years. She has grown up a lot. She ended up staying the night because I didn't want her to drive after drinking.(NO SEXUAL STUFF) I have had lots of contact with her the past 5 days. She keeps telling me that she was sorry for hurting me so badly, but has also said that I shouldn't read to much into us hanging out! Help!?
2006-11-16 15:53:28 · 11 answers · asked by Renoguy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
A loyal heart like yours is hard to find. The sad, sad thing is that you can't make a person fall in love with you again, nor should you try.
You need to be the best person you can be: your happiness shouldn't be dependent on another person, no matter how beautiful, no matter how lovely or nice. You need to move on, to value yourself.
It's fair enough to feel bad after a relationship ends. But you need to admit that it's over, and grieve for it. You need to find a way to go on, to make new friends, and so on.
The thing is, even if you were to get together again, it wouldn't be the old relationship, it would be a new one. Five years is a long time, and as you say, she's grown up... and chances are so have you. I've got a lot of respect for you for ensuring her safety, and for not expecting sex when she stayed. Seriously, you sound like a stand-up guy. You will find someone to make you happy, and you will make that person happy too. Things will work out for the best.
In the mean time, do as she says, don't read too much into you hanging out. Treat her nicely, and as a friend. That's all you can do. There's a slim chance that you might get back together, but that can only happen if you don't make her feel obliged. If you're happy and confident and self-sufficient, that's a much more attractive package than needy and desperate. And it will feel better for you, too.
If you get to know each other again, and there's still a spark there, then let things take their own time. If there's not, nothing will make it come. But appreciate the good things about yourself, and try and believe that there's someone for everyone, even if it's not who you initially expect.
Good luck, either way.
2006-11-16 16:20:09 · answer #1 · answered by Greta B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are talking with her again and being friendly is a really good start. I would not put everything you have into it. Be friendly and nice to her. maybe catch up again. Its a really positive thing that you are talking but leave it like that for the time being. When its appropriate some time down the track you might like to mention your feelings for her - but down the track. This situation offers another opportunity at developing a nice relationship again - not a marriage or anything but an opportunity to be friends. She wants to be friends thats what she meant by not reading to much into it - so be on your toes with that. Friends are good - its better to be friends and have your fealings then enemies and the talking is positive. Just be careful and go slow. No dreaming just be there. You share a daughter and some good times - good luck.
2006-11-16 19:04:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be careful - maybe she really did just want to reminisce and the old feelings are just not there for her. Of course, there's always the chance that she feels the same as you, but you are setting yourself up for exactly the same heartache as you had last time if you hope and expect that this is the case. I think your best option is to tell her that your feelings for her have never changed and see what happens - if she's not interested, at least you will know quickly and you can try to get over it. You really don't have anything to lose because really, you are not going to be able to be just friends with this woman - if you can't have her, you're better off not to see her at all, and give yourself the chance to find love with somebody else.
2006-11-16 16:03:30 · answer #3 · answered by f0xymoron 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont hang out with her...u have obviously told her that u still have feelings for her...MISTAKE...she is playing with ur emotions so i would think that this woman is not a very nice person...if she thought of u the way u want her too, she would never have left u in the 1st place...it will hurt u more in the long run if u keep hangin out with her...especially when she tells u that shes met somebody else..u r going to feel so jealous & u could do some harm to somebody as u will be an emotional wreck...sorry to be a killjoy, but be sensible man...wake up to the situation & stop kiddin urself...
2006-11-16 17:59:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no formula for making people fall in love with someone, but you should try to feel your way: what does she like or want now? Five years is a long time and she is probably not the same woman you knew. If you hang out at least you meet and that's a start.
2006-11-16 16:29:57 · answer #5 · answered by EC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off relook at the relationship you had with him and who he is. Make sure he really is someone you want to be with. You need to start by just being friends you should never jump back into something especially if you broke up because there had to be a reason. Let the relationship regrow from friendship. it may take time but it'll be worth it if he's the right guy.
2016-05-21 22:00:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you are just setting yourself up for some more heartache. I'm young but what I have learned about my experience with women is that you cannot make love happen. There is really nothing you can do to make her have feelings for you again. I would say the best thing to do is to take some time in therapy to work your emotions out. You may remember the relationship as health but the relationship may have had some unhealthy elements to it.
2006-11-16 16:06:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just advise you to take it one day at a time. She doesn't want you to read into it to much so don't. She most likely knows how you feel as most women can read it even when we hide behind our smiley face masks. Just thank God for the time you currently are being able or allowed to share with her and take it as it comes one day at a time. I would also suggest not making any moves on her, as it may run her off if she isn't ready for that. Let her be in control and just hang on for the ride, but wait for her to make the first move toward furthering the relationship as it is her decision to make.
-NmD!
2006-11-16 16:03:36 · answer #8 · answered by NoMaD! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be so desperate. Sorry, but you need to grow up first. Your love for her is disabling you, while it should be activating you. Try to be independent and be confident that you can find other equally beautiful girls. With that attitude, you might even have your ex back, though I don't want you to start with that. You should genuinely value yourself higher and be confident that you can find your love elsewhere. Don't play a hopeless game, please. Good luck and God bless.
2006-11-16 19:17:06 · answer #9 · answered by B i n g o 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u acn kep it on a friendship level or u could tell her how u fell. What ever u do don't push her away. Do it slowly talk 2 her over time 2 tray 2 get her back.
2006-11-16 16:14:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋