Are you up for a Quickie? Let me know what yo think? these are funny!!?

Question

Quickie #1
> One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
>very sexy nightie.
> "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
> So he tied her up and went fishing.

> Quickie #2
>
> A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran
>into the house.
> She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey,
>pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!"
> The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>mountain stuff?"
> "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
>
> Quickie #3
>
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
>the other is a husband.
>
> Quickie #4
>
> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
> First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
> The optician showed him a card with the letters:
> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
> "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
> "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
>
> Quickie #5
>
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
>must tell you all
> something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
> "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
>chardonnay."
>
> Quickie #6
>
> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
>You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
>need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
>going to STICK!
> Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
>you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
>your mind?
> Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
>Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
> The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
>think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
>when I'm driving."
>
> Quickie #7
>
> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North
> Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
> On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
> That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
> On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
> That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
> On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
> The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years

Answer 1

Those are wonderful, I have a little party coming up with a few girlfriends and their men. These jokes will be great to tell to them. These are the perfect ones, they're short and totally sweet!! Thanks I hope you don't mind me stealing them.

Answer 2

Do you suppose opposite psychology could paintings at the YA censors, real? LOL. You have more commonly been placing out with that Helga Lady once more! LOL. LOL. Take care; the vicious little piranhas swim on this water. LOL. Have a quality night time, and week!

Answer 3

They were all good except #3&7 but like, the only one that made me laugh was #1.

Answer 4

Those are great! I loved the Polish and the guy in the kitchen ones, they're so true!

Answer 5

Those were funny!!! I needed a good laugh out loud laugh!!!!! I really like the husband telling his wife how to cook eggs and the lottery one!!!! Thanks for the laugh!!!!!

Answer 6

all except #3 r funny
#3 is just the way things seem

Answer 7

yes very funny it gave me a well deserved laugh.

Answer 8

the fried egg one was sooooooo funny, i laugh my brains out!!!!

Answer 9

OMG LMAO big time... you're jokes are hilarious... i loved them... thank you for such a great laugh... I loved it... you're a genius... :))) LoLoLoLoL... Jeez, I can't stop laughing...

Answer 10

lol i love these jokes ex. the last one