My father in law is 81 years old and is terminally ill. I never cared for the man. Thus far in my 27 years marriage this man has done nothing but be a nusence. He doesn't care for me, never has, never will. He even tried to prevent my husband from marrying me. He thinks I'm not good enough to be his daughter in law just because I was born into a poor family which at one point was homeless. He thinks like I'm low class and treats me that way. During family gatherings, birthdays, ect, he always expected me to be the kind "servent"; that I should wait one him and his family hand and foot. He also treats my kids horribly; because I'm their mother. As well he is constantly aruging with my husband about the state of MY marriage. Anyway, problem is, my father in law needs a nurse, and he refuses to go to a nursing home. Since I'm a stay at home mother.....the family expects me to do it! I really do not want to take care of that irritable man. Ideas, thoughts, please!
2006-11-16 13:27:35 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
tell them no. that's what he wants you to do serve him. find an agency that offers 24 hour care or you can also contact hospice they are trained to help the family with respite and other situations were it is impossible for the family to care for the terminally ill.and he can afford it if they are well to do. i know you are a good person just by reading your story, but he hates you, not dislike or slightly annoyed, just mean. explain to your husband that after all the years you just wouldn't be comfortable taking care of such a mean spirit. i know him and his family will come up with another idea. and the elderly and sick need more attention and care.good luck and forgive him and pray for him.
2006-11-16 14:02:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
His biological children need to make arrangements for his care. If he needs nursing care he needs to be in a place where that is available. If he just needs some help to allow him to stay at home the state Social Services agency should be contacted to see what servces are available. The local senior center may also be a good resource. Anyway, you need to let your husband know that the responsibity is his and his siblings.
2006-11-16 14:26:28 · answer #2 · answered by MUD 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's terminally ill a hospice health service would be the best thing for him and you! They are very family orientated,giving help needed to him and all members of the family. They have nurses and nurse aides that can come out to the home to help take care of him.If he has medicare/medicad,or insurance this will pay for these services.If he doesn'y have these things hospice has social workers who can help get that. You should be able to look in the phone book under hospice or health services to find choices. Let them know you no nothing and need alot of info, they'll help you!!!!
2006-11-16 16:08:14 · answer #3 · answered by lee lee 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I realize that you are harboring some ill feelings about your father-in-law but its about things in the past. The man is dying now and needs attention. I would ask his other children why they can't take care of him. But if it comes down to it, as a good woman I know you will do it. (I did) Just make him as comfortable as possible, explain to your children that he is sick and dying and that he doesn't really mean the stuff he says to them. Don't turn them against him, he is their grandfather. How do you think he feels knowing that no one in the family wants him? I am sure he feels betrayed by them as well. Just do the best you can and when he passes you will have the good feeling of knowing that you made his last days as comfortable as possible and you won't anything to feel guilty about like the rest of them will. And make sure your husband shares the responsiblies with you too. Afterall its his father.
2006-11-16 13:35:50 · answer #4 · answered by Bren 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I would very apologetically tell the family that you just don't have the time, but could help look for live-in nurses.
If pressed, explain that you are worried he won't feel comfortable in your presence, as you've never really gotten on well. And you'd hate to make the poor old man uncomfortable!
So long as you make it seem like you only want the best for him, they should understand.
2006-11-16 13:52:38 · answer #5 · answered by kiddo 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes God gives us tasks to perform in life that we would rather not perform. These are usually for our own spiritual growth, even though we may not understand or agree. Although it will be difficult for you to take care of someone who has been so harsh to you and your children in the past, you will be the better for it in the long run, as long as you do it with love in your heart. As one of the other poster's stated; without him you would not have your husband.
2006-11-16 13:48:40 · answer #6 · answered by on2lifesjourney 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call and agency and get a nurse to come on a full time/live in basis and have him pay them. Then the only thing you have to do is make sure that they are doing their job.
2006-11-16 13:30:34 · answer #7 · answered by kny390 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i do no longer think of he became hitting on you- yet i don't comprehend him. it relatively is incredibly irrelevant, and slightly icky, yet possibly he became only attempting to be humorous, has he suggested different issues like it? except he consistently says issues that make you uncomfortable i'd in all threat only snigger it off, or come again with something (possibly question his intercourse existence- in case you will desire to abdomen it) some peoples theory of humour is amazingly diverse. wish it gets taken care of out for you :)
2016-10-15 15:52:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hope your children's spouse's don't feel that way about you when you get that age.
You know karma is a funny thing, what comes around goes around.
Besides, he is your husbands father and you should be greatful, because without him you wouldn't have your hubby.
Suck it up and take care of the man, he won't live forever.!
2006-11-16 13:32:17 · answer #9 · answered by Mrs. Wizard 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ever heard of granny dumping? remove all i.d. drop off anonymously somewhere , drive away.
2006-11-16 13:34:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋