You Live In...? JUST A JOKE!?

Question

You live in California when ...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
5. You drive to your neighborhood block party.
6. Someone asks you how far away something is; you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

You live in New York when...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty.
3. You can get into a 4-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
4. You think Central Park is "nature."
5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
6. You've worn out a car horn.
7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You live in Alaska when . . .

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You live in the Deep South when . . .

1. You get a movie and bait in the same store.
2. "Ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
3. After fifteen years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
4. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
5. Everyone has 2 first names.

You live in Colorado when . . .

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, and he stops at the Day Care Center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.

You live in the Midwest when . . .

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different! "

You live in Florida when...

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

Answer 1

You Live In A Small Town In The Midwest When...

you stop at a store and you find a car idling with the windows rolled down and the doors unlocked.

you use words like "doncha" "ain'tcha" "woncha" "a'orta" (they ought to) "ain't" and "hillbillies"

you see people driving their John Deeres around town

your first date with your boyfriend is the topic of dinner conversation... at your brothers best friends house the very next day

the teachers tell you that you'd better talk quieter about the party last night because they're mandated reporters

someone comes up behind you when you're talking in a group and shouts "WE'RE GONNA GET YOU WASTED TONIGHT", and the teacher says "you kids have fun"

your 16-year-old friend tells you about how she got wasted in a bar that doesnt check ID with a student teacher

your friends get 12 hours of sleep between monday and saturday due to all the partying, and then sleep all sunday.

your mom finds out that someone overdosed on X before you do

you know what pajama pants a quarter of your high school wears, because half the time they're still wearing them.

you ask someone what they did on friday night, and they'll either tell you, "man, i got wasted" "huntin" or "my parents wont let me go anywhere"

you can get a pocketknife from almost everyone

everyone knows the drug dealers

nobody rats on the drug dealers

everyone knows the users

anyone who rats on the users will get beaten, or cast off, or both

there are more meth/pot/gay jokes than your mom jokes

when someone passes out form too much drinking, people just laugh and turn them on their sides

someone drunkenly totals a car almost every weekend

you know someone who's ability to drive a stick shift is on drug recall

you know someone who drives better sober

you know more regular users than you do sober people

most of the smart kids are potheads

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN A SMALL MIDWESTERN TOWN

the only fall topic of conversation among over half the school is "huntin"

Answer 2

love it
also to add to ur list:
you live in a small town when:
there are no stop light in all the town
only 10 miles of paved raods
you know every thing about everybody
the entire 10 grade consists of 31 people

i live in a small town and all of this is true

Answer 3

Ya, I tallied up mi points, I LIVE IN NEW YORK!!!! But... I really live in Florida... Does this mean that I have to move to "the city"???

Answer 4

LOL These are hilarious!! Good one!
Loved the Granola one (giggle)

Answer 5

this was very funny, I live in the south and you are so right about "y'all" and about 15 years, I still hear that, have a nice night thanks for the laugh

Answer 6

at least 50% of it was true which is way more enough for a good joke...hehahahe?

Answer 7

You are too much, keep 'em coming.
LOL