Is this wrong?

Question

My friend has been taking a couple college classes. She asked me before she started taking them if I would help her out in the evening if her husband had to stay late for work. I agreed.. who wouldn't help out a friend?
So I have watched them for her a few times.. no big deal or so you would think!
The thing is her 4 year old is so stressful to watch. He is the most disrespectful child I have ever met... and I have watched a lot of kids in my life. One day he just called me an "asshole" the whole time. He takes toys away from his little brother and my daughter, he yells loudly, does things in spite of me saying no. Seriously, the list could go on!
She asked me to watch them for her tonight while she goes to class for 3 hours and her husband camps in front of Target (or some store) to get the new playstation. This time I just said "Your son really stresses me out, and I'd rather not, but if you can't find anyone else to watch them I will do it. I don't want this to ruin our friendship"
She knows her son is out of control.. she talks to me about it all the time. So she must understand. However, I get this feeling she is mad at me and will start giving me the cold shoulder.
Why do I feel so guilty about this?

Answer 1

Simplify,

The education and manners is just a reflection of parents character in one way or another. Tell your best friend that if she wants you to keep babysitting her kid, to make him behave.

If this keep going your kids will end up like their kids. Is easier to learn bad manners than good ones.

Answer 2

You feel guilty because you more than likely were shamed into doing things when you were younger. Guilt is a sign that you have done something wrong. In this case, you haven't done anything wrong. You need to realize that you can't please everyone all the time and you aren't responsible for everyone else's life. You aren't God. The best thing you can do for your friend is tell her the truth like you did and encourage her to get help for her son before he gets older and displays more out of control behaviors.

If she gives you the cold shoulder that is further evidence that not only does the son have problems with his behavior, the mother does as well. The next time you feel guilty about something, you need to ask yourself what you did wrong. What are you feeling guilty about? It is likely you will discover that there are many times you haven't done anything wrong, but you have a habit of taking the blame for things or being shamed for assertive behavior. You likely were not permitted to have a voice when you were younger and sometimes, now that you are older, you speak up and something inside you says....you should be ashamed of yourself....

Answer 3

You feel guilty because your a mom & you understand how you would feel if someone said "you kid is a monster". Its a tricky thing becuase you have to do what is right for you - I UNDERSTAND about having a kid like that around! You can't have it.
I suggest just talking to her. Call her & ask her to go for a coffe, or dinner - just you 2 ladies. Speak to her from your heart and dont't bend the facts just because she is hurting - be her freind & Im sure she will understand.
You should realize that you are not the first person to tell her that her son is too much. They really need to get him some help! Especially if their other child is not like that.
Also, Im sorry but you may loose her as your freind too.

You arent doing the wrong thing. Just support her, and call her and keep talking to her. She is probably very, very humilliated.

Answer 4

You feel guilty that the truth hurt your friend. You did the right thing by telling her the truth, and you shouldn't feel bad for being an honest friend, but you might want to sit down with her and tell her the specifics as to why you won't baby sit for her child anymore. I think if you let her know what he is up to, hopefully she will realize something is not right with her son. Suggest that he goes to a certain daycare that specializes in behavior problems with kids. Good luck!

Answer 5

Don't feel guilty. You do however need to talk to your friend. It seems to me that the little boy is in need of some attention from his parents. If both parents are gone all the time then it may be the boy does not feel like he should have to behave. I know from experience that if the problem is not addressed with then it will just get worse. But the best thing you can do is talk to her.

Answer 6

Because she is only thinking of herself and her needs and is making you feel guilty. She should just appreciate what a good friend you are to have done it as much as you have especially if she knows how uncontrollable her son is. Don't feel bad and don't let her manipulate her into doing it. If she gets mad than she's a small person and not a good friend. Sounds like she only cares that she gets someone to watch him. Good luck.

Answer 7

Guilt comes from having a conscience. Bleh... sad fact about humans. Bottom line, you should NOT feel guilty about it. She KNOWS her son is out of control, and for her to not even attempt to do anything to fix this is total BS. It's the parents' fault... definitely the dad, too. He shouldn't be "camping out" anywhere for a stupid game system! First of all, waste of money... wait until it's cheaper. Secondly, his negligence for his children is too great, and what's more, he's actually REWARDING them with games for their behavior! What the f*ck? They have no right to be ticked off with you because you said the truth (and even said it in a relatively nice way). I would've been like, "You're son is out of control. You HAVE to discipline him more! You can't just let him get away with this stuff because if he does it now, he'll keep the habit of swearing and defiance until FOREVER. Do SOMETHING!" ... but with cuss words. So don't feel bad about it.

Answer 8

You feel guilty because she is making you feel guilty.

I really feel sorry for the boy. He is going to have a very difficult life and a lot of hard lessons to learn when he gets out into the real world.

I truly feel people should be screened before they are allowed to have children. This is a perfect example.

Answer 9

You cannot feel guilty if minding her children makes you feel stressed. I think I would have footed his bum if he called me an asshole, so his mother should be grateful you have tolerated it so far. If your friend cannot appreciate your feeling this way you should then question just how much of a friend she is. Ultimately the child is his parents responsiblity both for being looked after and for his behavior and nowhere could it be said that he is your responsiblity.

Answer 10

You have no reason to feel guilty,. Good for you standing up for yourself. You were being used. I wouldn't want my daughter to spend time with that kid either. Her husband should find a new list of priorities. Your promise was if the husband had to work, not play

Answer 11

You shouldn't feel guilty about this, if anyone should feel guilty its your friend, because she knows that her 4 year old son is out of control. You should not take the abuse from this child. She should find herself another baby sitter or drop the kids of at one of her family members.