Is He right? or am I?

Question

lets say your the type of person that likes to keep pictures of everything old friends, old trips, even of ex boyfriend not because you miss them or anything but just because they are memories and you like to keep them. so i have a photobucket and although my bf knows the password because i have the same pwd for everything.. i didnt think he really lurked my stuff. and today he was looking at the pictures and he found a picture of me kissing an ex boyfriend that happen to be my longest relationship and he got extremely jealous and asked me to delete all the pictures i had with my ex. i kinda feel as if he was spying on me, and now i wonder if he checks my mail constantly too since he has before and i dunno just gets me kinda of upset because although i have his passwords i have never checked any of his stuff. although i understand where hes coming from, he always knows that i keep pictures for the sole purpose of old time sakes and plus his mother keeps pictures of him and his ex girlfriend and I have never said anything. soo should I give in?

lol the pictures are not posting on the internet, i just dont like keeping pictures on my computer so i save all the old one's on a private online photo album since most of the pictures are digital.

Answer 1

No...those are YOUR memories and nobody has the right to tell you to delete/remove/forget them...besides how will you feel when this relationship ends, and you gave in and discarded memories of previous relationships?

Anyone over the age of about 12 nowadays, knows the person they are with is likely to have been in other relationships...perhaps several, perhaps serious, perhaps intimate...

The idea of requesting someone to throw way or delete pictures is a sign of jealousy and insecurity...now if you had pics of you and an ex in frames around your home or your desk at work, then yeah...he'd have a valid reason to be upset...

Talk to him about why he's upset...it's not just because there's a pic of you smooching on someone who is no longer in your life (at least in that capacity)...what's the REAL reason he's bugged?

Answer 2

Get rid of your pics of your ex. Why hang onto a relationship that is over........or is it? My guess is that he has wondered the same thing. His mother is wrong to keep pics of his ex's too.

Leave the past in the past, and don't look back. Drop off your baggage because it contaminates existing as well as future relationships. Where is your loyalty anyway? How would you feel is he still desperately clung to old relationships with exgirlfriends?

She who has nothing to hide, hides nothing. If you feel you should have to hide something, that is your gut telling you that your choice lacks integrity. If you can't talk to someone in front of your current guy, or hide communications from him, and when you maintain relationships with other guys that do not include him, that is cheating. Clinging to old relationships is very close to that line.

It is both hurtful and insulting to your guy to know that he is not significant enough to outshine all your other past guys, and that he is merely an option to you, not a priority. You have obviously lost his trust, some respect, and I guess it won't be long until he decides that he can do better than you.

Sorry to sound so harsh, but you wouldn't even be asking this question if you could honestly walk in his shoes, see from his perspective, and appreciate his perception of things.

And, it's not about being right or wrong. It's more about EMPATHY and compassion for other people, especially those you claim to care about (which you behavior conflicts with). It's about the ability to see beyond your own perspective, and to consider that your behavior sometimes sends a different message than you intended. You have to own that, take responsibility, and make amends.

If you value him, your relationship, and want to stay with him, you will have to make effort to reconcile. You will have to show him you "get it". You will have to tell him how you think he must be feeling, apologize, clarify that you meant no harm, agree to let go of the past baggage, and only move forward with him as a priority rather than another option.

Answer 3

It isn't really a situation of right vs. wrong, just different preferences. First of all, you'd never NEED one another's passwords if someday you weren't going to access one anothers accounts. That like teasing a mouse with cheese and snapping him up when he bites: SURE DEATH. So... change your passwords, both of you and this time around: don't share.

NOW, I HATE when my loved one has photos of exes because I honestly only keep those things when I want to catch a feeling... because the preference for ME and the type of person I am is EVERYTHING IS SENTIMENTAL. So, he is the sentimental type. Some people in relationships (true, snooping only causes pain!!) want to be in every part of your life and want to feel that the two of you have nothing too hide, especially nothing POTENTIALLY HURTFUL.

Your pix are hurtful, or POTENTIALLY hurtful to him. He is right and you are right. Give it some time, express your feelings and then the two of you will find you can really benefit from some stronger BOUNDARIES.

Answer 4

change your password and find out if he is checking it. If he is not able to check your stuff out behind your back and is a unhealthy type person then he is going to get very jealous and suspicious. You will start to notice that he is acting off also and he may not be able to control himself and go off on you. It is very wrong that he invaded your privacy. Very wrong. I have been on the receiving end I have been this guy before. I was living with my gentleman and we had been together for many years. It still was wrong of me to of been flipping thru his stuff without his permission or presence. So this is coming from someone on the other end. He is not respecting you and he has no right to tell you that you have to get rid of anything that reminds you of who you have been. Without these photos or memories then you would not be who you are today. It is no differnet than telling you to get rid of a picture of a dear friend. Your ex helped you become the woman this guy loves today. So he should be sending thank you letters and respecting this ex of yours and the memories that helped you become you.
Good news is that perhaps it was a spur of the moment reaction he had. You need to talk to him. Be clear that your space needs to be respected as you respect his. That you do not check his email or his mail, you want the same respect. Husbands and wives do not check one anothers mail without permission either. It is called boundries.

Answer 5

DO NOT GIVE IN. They are your memories and you are entitled to them. I used to give in to that pressure from my boyfriends, but now I realize that regardless of what kind of relationship you had with a person, you should be able to keep the photos if you want. As I said, they are your memories.

Also, he shouldn't be lurking your photos or anything else that's yours. Change your password immediately.

Sometimes when guys display this kind of jealousy and possessiveness, it just eventually gets worse. Be careful and good luck.

Answer 6

First of all you both should not have eachothers passwords. Thats invading someones privacy. And second he should not get mad because you choose to keep pictures for old times sakes. If he gets mad at that then hes got issues. But i think in the future you and him should change your passwords and not be into eachothers buisness. I live with my hubby and we dont have eachothers passwords. Its just not right if you are adult enough and you trust that person completley.

Answer 7

I think it's a little cheezy to post photos of you in a liplock with another man. Keeping an old photo in a drawer where you never see it is different than posting them on the internet. As for the rest, change your password

Answer 8

speaking from previous experience i will never get rid of any memories. theyre your memories and if u want to keep them then u should be able to, like most people said just change ur password and keep them for yourself. its not like ur looking at them everyday and flaunting them around and showing them to anyone. theyre just there for the sole fact that u had a special moment(s) with someone that meant something in ur life.

Answer 9

Keep your memories! What happens if you and your guy break up one day? Well if he made you get rid of all of them, and then you two aren't together all of a sudden...then where does that leave you? You will have nothing! My best piece of advice: change your password!!!

Answer 10

Never give in.
He is trying to control you
It is your memories , keep them all of them
you are with him now , not the old boy friend
Ask him if he cared if you looked at his stuff.
get a different pass word for your self only'
Tell your guy why you did and tell him he has no reason to be nosy and no reason to be jealous
And if you let him control you then it is your fault.