What's the funniest joke you've ever heard?

Answer 1

yea, i know a few funny ones


A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?"

The mother replies "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."

"You're wasting your time, " said the boy.

"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled.

"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."


Q. What's the difference between your job and your wife?

A. After 10 years your job still sucks


There was a little girl and she HATED sunday school.
She always fell asleep. One day the teacher asked her a question. Christie? Who created the earth? A little bot named Johnny behind her jabbed her with a pencil. Immediatly she shouted " GOD AlMIGHTY!" and she fell back asleep. Again her teacher asked her a question. Christie, who is our savior? and again, Johnny jabbed her in the back. "JESUS CHRIST!" christie shouted. "Good" said the teacher. And again christie fell back asleep. Then, the sunday school teacher asked her Christie? What did Eve say after she had hre 19th child? and again Johnny jabbed her in the back. " DAMN IT! IF YOU JAB THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'M GONNA BREAK IT IN HALF!

Answer 2

An Octopus walks into a bar and say "I can play ANY musical instrument you like." Englishman gives him a guitar which he lays better than Hendrix. Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton. Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes. The Octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and he Scotsman says "what's wrong - can ye no play it?" The Octopus says "Play it? - I'm gonna F**K her brains out once I get her pyjamas off!"

Answer 3

A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly threw up all over himself and the floor.
The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them."
The bartender, wiping his mouth on his sleeve, looked up and proclaimed, "I'm sorry as hell man, but it wasn't you. That guy sitting next to you keeps dipping his crackers in your neck."

Answer 4

Democracy

Answer 5

Kid gets pulled over for speeding and the Cop says I've been waiting for you all day.... The Kid says I got here as fast as I could.

Answer 6

There were three daughters talking to their mother. The oldest one asks "Mummy, how did I get my name?" and the mother says "Well, when you came out of the hospital, a rose petal fell on your cheek so we called you Rose."
The next one says, "Mummy, how did I get my name?" and the mother says "Well, when you came out of the hospital, a daisy fell on your forhead so we called you Daisy."
The youngest kid then falls of her chair and says "Guhuhah! UGGa." and the mother says "Shut up, Fridge!"

Answer 7

Farmer asks his sheepdog to round up all the sheep in the field. "OK" says the sheepdog - and off he goes. Comes back 10 mins later and says "done it! "How many did you get?" says the farmer "40" says the dog "but I know very well that can't be right, says the farmer, because I only bought 38 at the market last week". "Ah, " said the clever sheep dog "well, I rounded them up". :))

Answer 8

What does a fish say when he runs into a wall?

Answer 9

What happens when you play a country song backwards?



You get your truck back, you get your dog back . . . . . .

Answer 10

you may find this one funny
http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ArRi7LwiYCPqUEMsTGui1QMgBgx.?qid=20061114180353AAa8Bna