need an outside opinion?

Question

ok this might be kinda long, but here it goes. my boyfriend and i have been together for about 5 years and we each had a daughter going into our relationship and then we ended up having a daughter together. unfortunatly she passed away from sids when she was 4 months 12 days old on 5-7-5. (she was born on christmas) well we have always had our ups and downs, but mostly ups. we have been really rocky latley. he lost his job cuz its slow and it has been really hard, i've had to drop out of college and work full time to try to support us and i can't do it anymore. we are about to lose our place like tomorrow. lastnight he got drunk and disrespected me with nasty lauguage and basically talking s**t to me all night. thank god our kids were not there. but i feel like i'm doing all i can and not feeling appreciated. im not sure if he remembers it or not, but if i leave him it will be just like losing my baby all over agian and i can't bear that pain, but at this point i'm not sure what to do

Answer 1

I;m so sorry for your loss. I'm sure he didn't mean all the nasty things and it probably feeling a little less of a man because he is out of work, and then to add insult to injury, you dropped out of college. When a man is full of pride and the woman has to support the family, it is like a kick in the teeth to them. Try talking to him and maybe you can get things back to normal. Drinking doesn't solve anything. I wish you all the best of luck.

Answer 2

Unless he is establishing a pattern of talking you down and/or getting drunk, perhaps you should just consider it as waves in the relationship and let it ride. If he is establishing a pattern, there is reason for concern. It cannot last and be a decent relationship with disrespect between you. If you can't come together on your own, the only other option is couples counseling or breaking up. You both have some decisions to make. Probably not the best idea to put them off for very long. The kids are learning from you.

Answer 3

Wow, Stacey, I know you didn't mean to, but you truly truly depressed me. 5-7-5 is my wedding date. I have a daughter and a newborn daughter. I am so so so so sorry honey about the loss the two of you have suffered.

Remember that trouble comes and may last a night but joy comes in the morning. This means that all bad and many good times will pass and seasons change, feelings change and this time calls for some changes.

If he disrespected you and talked s#i! to you allll night, that is really something to think about. I know it was bad because you are glad your kids didn't witness it. He is going to likely do it again and you MAY regret the kids being there THIS time. The kids will remember. If I could turn back time, I would act to erase times like that in one of my past relationship and things my nephews witnessed from their (now divorced) parents that effect them to this day.

I think if you cannot bear something, God will NOT allow it to happen, Stacey. So make your decision. Although this is a hard thing, you can be down and depressed all alone, not suffering blows from the one who you so deeply love, are supporting and would never do that to.

Sounds like homeboy needs a break and a wakeup call reality check. Be safe. Be smart. Communicate. Pray. Decide with wisdom. Know we're praying for you and your situation.

Best wishes.

Answer 4

no one can tell you what to do, this has to be something that you decide for yourself. You have been together for a very long time and that must be for a reason, youve obviously seen eachother through some hard times and that makes your bond very close to eachother, its hard to get that back with someone new. By no means am I saying that he is excused from saying nasty things to you, that is definately wrong but it depends on the dynamic of your relationship, do you guys call eachother names often? or argue in that way together equally? if so then hes just doing what youve both become accustomed to. If you guys rarely fight this would go to show that your both under some extreme pressure and it is beginning to get to you, thats perfectly understandable. Im really sorry to hear that your family is going through this right now, life can sometimes be hard. If you love him and think he still loves you than the best thing to do would be to work it out and stick together. After the passing of your infant did you seek any sort of grief counsilling? if not, perhaps that could heal some of the wounds in your relationship. Importantly, you should think about the two young girls that are now involved in this circle, without asking for the pain. His daughter knows and looks up to you as Im sure your daughter knows and looks up to him. You are essentially a family and breaking up a family is rarely in anyones best interests. Im sure you are a strong woman and will get through this. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

I am sorry to hear of your loss, your boyfriend is frustrated he has just lost his job and he can't deal with the fact that you are supporting him it effects the manhood and ego don't take it personal he was drunk, it is not your fault, hard times puts a strain on any relationship, you both need to get your frustrations out in the open not take it out each other, losing your place maybe difficult now but it is only material, you all can start over again, it has happened to many couples, you will both need to talk this over and decide what to do next, angry decisions are useless and you regret it after, you don't have to take anyone drunkard abuse you do not deserve that, but want it to work find another place something cheaper, sometimes men need to lean on their women and they don't like it, so the women have to help them without letting them know, start looking at the classifies for other jobs for him and don't bring up the past, good luck my prays will be with you.

Answer 6

This is realy hard. Firs let me express my condoleances regarding your daughter. We men mostly don't want to accept that we are weak in some cases. The loss of your daughter destroied your boyfriend, even if he doesn't want to accept it.You on the other hand stood strong, but you are a human afterall, is natural to get low on your own resources. Take a moment when he's clean of alcohol and talk to him seriously. You will have to be harsh on him and I know how hard can that be. Threatening him with you leaving will not solve nothin , it'll make tings worse. You need to be strong one more time and ashure him that you are by his side and ask him to help you out of this. You can tell him that he'll se that he will feel better once will start to recover.Help him to get a job and if he'll be certain of your support you'll se that all will turn wel. Write me on my e-mail and keep me updated on your situation. My e-mail is [e-mail]. Don't hesitate. Is a good thing that you know that there is someone who listens and conforts you even is a long distance.

Answer 7

Go to a couselor. He is like most guys, if he doesn't think of himself as a breadwinner, he is nothing. So he takes it out on you and deep down inside he knows it is wrong but he feels better by picking on some one else instead of concentrating on keeping the family together by getting another job. A counselor will tell him basically the same thing. Why drink, you aren't a failure, this is happening all over the country. You can do better and get another job. It probably won't pay as much, but you will be contributing to the family and yourself. He is wallowing in self-pity and taking it out on you. His problem is he wants to do better, but since he lost this job he feels he is worthless. He isn't and deep down he knows this, but instead of being positive, it is easier to be negative. I know this because it happened to me basically the same way. I was even homeless for a couple of months until I pulled myself together and got smart instead of staying stupid. Try a counselor, the state provides free counseling.

Answer 8

He is being very selfish.......do not allow yourself to fall into the trap of allowing him to disrespect you like this. If you do not stop it immediately it will only lead to more and more disrespect. I would tell him once and for all that if he can not control his anger or stress then he needs to go for help and that you are willing to go with him. Should he choose not to take your warning then leave before you become another statistic of spousal abuse

Answer 9

i'm no longer married so i wouldnt comprehend what thats like yet i think of which you will desire to attempt it on for length. See how issues pass with a girl. If issues get severe with this female you will would desire to admit it on your husband nonetheless, regrettably on the grounds this is the comparable as an affair. better of success!!

Answer 10

he loves and cares about u but men have a different way of showing there sadness and stress try to stay with him if hes not hurting u he needs u probaly more than u need him talk to him help him find a job