14 yr. old daughter won't listen and talks back?

Question

to make the record clear all my question were not all mine I was asking for other people too. anyways my family and I been through alot. we are working things out for the better. to make a long stroy short, my 14 yr. daughter won't listen. I try talking to her in every way possble. and when I tell her she not allowed on the phone or go to the park because the night before she came in way past her time allowed. she tells me she going anyway and about the phone issue she tells me she's going to use it anyway. 8 out of 10 she will. I takeing the phone away., I have to hide it and she finds it. she's always talking back. she tell's me mother I don't know why your telling me I'am going to do it anyway, this is everyday,.

Answer 1

call the hospital or the morgue in your city and explain how your 14 year old is behaving and ask if she can go on a tour of the car accident victims. speeding, drunk drivers etc. let her see first hand what's about to happen to her if she doesn't start listening to you.
take her to the homeless shelter to see how she will be living in a few years if she doesn't straighten up. or take her there to stay the weekend. she is not allowed to take anything other than what she's wearing. no ipod, nothing to keep her occupied.
she can start using her extra time (you will have to give up some of your time) to help out at the soup kitchen.
you need to start using up her time for her.

Answer 2

You need to show her whos house shes living in, plain and simple.

youre not correcting her behavior, and for some reason youre only enforcing her belief that she can do whatever she wants when she gets away with the phone and going out.

Well, its stops NOW!
(if you really want it to stop)

One of my other posts that seems to work with a 6 year old, was you punish them in a way that really hits a nerve. The 6 year old kid punished by standing behind a tv in the corner, for an hour (asker said after 5 minutes he was apologizing)
Well, for a teen, you have to be vigilant

Only you know what shes all about, and what will make an impact on her as to adjust her attitude
But Id say she cant go out for 2 weeks, thats no talking on the telephone - plain and simple.
Its up to you to enforce that, be it sleep outside her door -- buy those bars for her window is she sneaks out that way. -- AND LETTING HER KNOW it will turn into a month if she breaks the rules you set forth

Shes testing you, and you have to let her know youre stronger than her Will, and youll accept nothing but her obedience when it comes to your punishments. OR the punishments will only get more severe.
So if the only way shes going to learn not to test you is if she is grounded for 6 months with no phone and no going out..well thats her own doing.
But you have to stand strong.

If youre going o punish a child, I say its the best time to make an impression on them.
So if she cant go no where, by no means doesnt mean she cant leave the house..it means shes lost the priveledge to gather with her friends.
But Id take her somewhere else..be it to volunteer at a hospital,or a youth group, or a senuior citizens home. Something that most kids dont think about while shes grounded.

Then she realizes theres a whole world besides her telephone and the park that she should start thinking about.
Who knows -- maybe just maybe after shes off punishment, she might get attached to a cause and keep doing it still

ut parents...when it comes test time -- the first time is when you show your kids -- you cant get away with that with mommy or daddy.
The more you let it go -- the harder it is to break, the more work it will be
So start early. Draw the lines. And show them whos house they live in!!!

ADDITION: I just read the first post's punishment.
Alittle extreme but if that what it amounts to, and only way to get her respect - then so be it.
But you cant just strip them of everything -- or THEY WILL REBEL.
you have to give them something positive -- teach them a lesson at the same time.
thats how people end up running away from home.
And at 14 - you take everything that way...with no alternative ...then it turns into a good possibility.

But for you to decided momma

Answer 3

I am so sorry! I have to say do what people have been suggesting for toddlers... Empty out her room, only leave her a mattress and blanket and a few changes of clothing. and lock her in her room until she can behave she does not get anything back until she has earned it these things are not a right they are a privilege. Second you are the parent so how is a 14 year old telling YOU what she will or will not do! NO not acceptable. If i had said that to my mother (Which i wouldn't have dared) i would have been spanked yes even at 14 and sent to my room and been grounded. Take away phone privileges and TV privileges she cannot do ANYTHING until she earns it... also check out the type of people she is hanging around and see if she picked up this snotty attitude from them. If you don't want to do the method i am saying just take everything away if you have to lock her in her room from the outside in do it... if you have to put bars on her windows so she wont sneak out do it you are the PARENT not the friend be strict until she gets the point. Get your child back before shes out doing god knows what with god knows who. She is lucky to have a parent that actually cares, a lot don't these days! Anyway best of luck my thoughts and prayers are with you!

Edit added.. even has to eat all alone in that "jail" cell. SHe will start to get the picture that you mean business. Also this works and she reverts back to it then do it again. Another thing... after all of this stick to your guns if you say NO it is NO she is not allowed to do it if she does something PUNISH her... take things away etc.

Answer 4

hm. well my mom (in this instance, had i done this) would have thrown the phone away. my mom finally bought a family cell phone plan, and if need be, do that with your family instead, give each person a cell phone. tell your daughter she cannot use hers, nor is hers activated, until she learns respect and how to follow rules. tell her that since she does NOT have a cell phone, she can no longer go out because going out would require her to call you and tell you where she is. lock the doors, and dont give her a key. hire a babysitter for her...that should seriously be a big enough embarrassment. if you DONT get a family cell phone plan and cancel your house phone..... just throw out her phone, or keep one phone in your room so you will be around it all the time. dont give her a house key--make her go somewhere, to a babysitters house, till you get off work and then go pick her up. make her stay in the house, and if she goes out anyways...well, if she doesnt have a key, how will she get back in? dont give her allowance.... i dont really know how to fix the going out without permission issue, that seems like a tough thing.

Answer 5

I am 14 too and understand how you are both feeling. It isn't right for her to act like this, but there are also other ways you could punish her. Instead of just telling her she can't go next time explain to her why you feel she shouldn't be able to go. No raised voices, and invite her to share her reasons behind coming home late. Listen and don't interupt. This is very important. But remember she is a teenager and is going through a lot right now. She may want to tell you these things but not feel like she can talk to you about them. If she knows that you care then she will be more likely to listen, but don't become too caring because then this will start over again. Good luck, I hope she listens soon!

Answer 6

Who is the parent here? I think its ridiculous that you're parent tactics have come down to hiding the phone. That's not okay. You need to check her now before things get out of hand. If that means more supervision then you need to do that. No 14 year old wants to have a babysitter, or be in day care...let her know that's what she's facing. I don't think its even necessary to spank her...you need to think back to when you were 14 and what kind of punishment would have made you cringe.

Answer 7

Your daughter is spoiled because you may not have disciplined her. You let your little daughter know that its your house, your phone, your money that is supporting her bad behavior and its stops now and you need to be prepared to back it up. Dont let her walk all over you or else she will never learn. If you catch her on the phone, unplug it while shes talking on it. If she wants to stay out late then ground her, and if she disobeys that order then lock her out of the house for a night. Tell her she isnt going to do what she pleases in your house anymore because you are the one who pays for everything and unless she gets a job and acts like a grown up shes not going to be treated like one.

Answer 8

Throw the house phone away. Use a cell phone for yourself. And you dont allow her to go out. Even if she says she is going anyways, you are the parent and she is only 14.Take away everything that she has in her room if she insists that she is going anyways. She needs to learn some respect. Its just going to get worse.

Answer 9

I know how you feel. My daughter will be 14 next month and I have been going through the smart mouth and attitude with her since she turned11 or 12. It isn't getting any better either. She never has anything nice to say to me and has told me she hates me and doesn't like me. She has been grounded from the phone for weeks and has not stayed over with anybody for even longer. Still she smart mouths anyway and when I smack her she tells me to stop hitting her and that I should never have had her. (She just doesn't realize how sick I was with her the whole time I carried her.) She gets mad when her friends call and we won't let her talk to them. She won't get up in the mornings to get ready for school; that is a fight every morning. I have whooped her to no end and I am to the point of sending her to a boot camp.
She had begged her dad to take her to the mall and then she wouldn't even get out and walk with him. She doesn't seem to appreciate anything we do for her. So now I am just gonna start popping her with the hickory, belt, fly swat,..etc. everytime she pops something out of her mouth. I asked her three times to get up this morning and twenty minutes later she was still in the bed so I got my husbands belt and then she got moving but she talked to me like I was trash. She is nice and polite to everyone but me. We live in the country so she can't go to the park. I guess that is a good thing because if she snuck out her window I'd beat the snot out of her and then board her window up with plywood. She used to smart me up because I'd forget to dry her clothes so I told her she could do her own laundry from now on. She is old enough and old enough to help out in the house. She lives here too. When we tell her that she needs to earn her keep and help with the chores of the house she tells us that it is our responsibility to take care of her. That may be true but it is also our responsibility to make sure that she gets taught to be responsible and not be lazy. I have prayed and prayed for her and got all of my church to pray for her. My 10 yr old doesn't even dare to act like my oldest. I hope she is seeing what her sister is putting us through and decides not to do the same.

Answer 10

for the phone issue you could set up a pin that needs to be entered before you call some one. except emergencies.
that worked on my cousin.

going out issueim not too sure short of locking the doors to keep her in.

im not sure if its her age or if there is something else that could be bothering her. has there been a sudden shock/bad news/ change in family life that she could be struggling to deal with?

if you cant talk to her i suggest u consider councelling before it gets out of hand etc for the both of you so you open up the communication again