I am at my wits ends with this mother issue !! Help?

Question

I am a sibling of three. My mother is such a pathological liar, it is so not even funny. She recently made the decision to move, and is dependant of me helping with expenses. I called a family meeting, and we came up with figures. I agreed to $200. Well the figure has now changed according to her to $500 for various reasons. I have always helped her monaterily and am ready to cut her off. I have came to the conclusion that I will give her the $200 and then change my number and cut all ties. I am that fustrated already. Any suggestions?? Not to mention she talks about me to my other siblings saying I go overboard when it comes to personal expenses for me and my daughter. What gives..

I would just like to add that I live on my own.

Answer 1

I would offer her a choice: $200 or nothing. Take it or leave it. And let her know that either way, you are done with her messing up your life.

Answer 2

I know where you're at as I have dealt with a pathological liar in my family. You need to create some boundaries. As long as your mom gets away with the crap she's been shovelling, she'll continue. If you feel the need to help her financially then do it but you need to make it perfectly clear that this your choice and you can always change your mind. You need to let her know that you get to decide how much money you give her and that it doesn't give her licence to question your spending habits. I would have another "family" meeting with your siblings so you can all get on the same page regarding her lies. If you all present a united front and disengage when she starts her divide and conquer routine things will eventually be less turbulent. Good luck and stand strong.

Answer 3

Yes, what gives here? Does she need reminding of who the parent is here?
I know what I am talking about here, believe me. My daughter goes through this with her mother in law. She is always calling asking for money. For awhile she did, but finally decided to stop. It was an every week thing. She knew the day her and her husband got paid and would call the the night before ask them to wire her money-she lives in MI and they live here in NC.
It caused them great tension, but they finally both agreed to stop.
I think it is wise if you stick the agreement and let her know that you can no longer offer her assistance. Of course, if it's a dire medical emergency that would be another issue.
Obviously, you make enough money to support your mother, so why should it be of her business what you spend your money on!
I know this sounds bad because it's your mom, but you have to do what you have to do. She will never learn to be self sufficient if she knows you will always be there.

Answer 4

You are angry at the moment and rightly so. I suggest you give your mother the $200 with a letter stating how angry you feel and why. Try not to use "You did, You are" statements as these will make her go on the defensive. Use "I feel , I am" statements and explain why you feel that way. You should not be expected to financially support your mother to this extent and what you spend your money on is no ones business but your own. Its your money. I think you need to spell out to your mother that you help her because you want to, not because she think you have to. Good luck, I have a father who is very similar.

Answer 5

If you don't live with your mother, I don't see why you are obligated to help with expenses. However, if she is just financially strapped, then she may need to look into getting some kind of public assistance if she is unable to work a job that enable her to support herself and children. However, if you reside together then depending on your income, it may be far to split the rent/mortgage, being that you and your daughter live there.

Answer 6

First off don't give her the money at all get caller id so when she calls you know not answer and after a while she will start to wonder why u are doing this she will figure it out and she will probably apologize and u wont have to cut her off.

Answer 7

Sounds to me like mom has drug issues. Why do you still support her, after the fact that you have your own family to support. I can imagine if she was in a real bind, but you've been doing this for how long now? Lay down the rules. Tell her what's up. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Mom has issues and is playing each of your siblings against each other.

I say, give her the $200 and that's it. You made the agreement, follow through. But that's where it has to stop.

Answer 9

keep in mind the asserting, "in no way argue with an fool; bystanders won't be able to tell the adaptation." So, in the adventure that your hubby feels the comparable way, only make alternatives to shrink the time spent along with her. do no longer spill your thoughts--till she asks. in case you organize it so as which you basically spend one or 2 hours along with her in the time of the holiday season, in line with threat she'll ask why you probably did no longer spend greater time along with her. then you definately might desire to assert, "Oh, Betty, we only discover it stressful to savour ourselves while others are being criticized. It only takes the exciting out of the trip trips." If she's incredibly that egocentric, she'll probably in no way ask. She's in a vicious cycle the place no one must be around, so she gets meaner, meaning no one must be around. It feels like hubby has tried to tell her, yet while that's not working, don't be counted on your words, only use your movements. they're going to communicate volumes louder besides.

Answer 10

First of all you shouldnt have to give your mother any money. she is a grown woman and she is supoose to be depending on herself only. You are a mother now and need to worry about providing for you lil one and not a grown person. Yeah help her out here and there but dont pay her bills. and why did she have to move to her own place... let her go live with her other children who she has no problem with. You take care and worry about your child and thats it......